RIP John Peel

i know i'm a few days late on this, but i was swamped :(

RIP to the tastemaker of modern music....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/alt/johnpeel/

http://slate.msn.com/id/2108810/

holy god...

i'm closing in on 400 posts... is that even humanly possible?

once again, my voice is kinda raspy from yelling at people... but at least another month's over.

the countdown begins... 2 weeks to the halo2 party, 3 weeks until our vacation... life will be good... soon.

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

why is it so fucking difficult for people to do their fucking jobs???? why? for the love of god? why??????

i need someone to call me so i can scream at someone.

oh, fuck it. i'm going to be proactive and call someone.

if you hate people as much as i hate people...

you've gotta check out this site... especially the pics on the sidebar on the left.

i'm going to look through each and every page to make sure my pic's not there. maybe i shouldn't. hehehe.

don't you talk smack about my husband!!!!

man. i was so pissed...

let me give you some background on this guy at work. we're all convinced he's gay. but he's married. he's even gone as far as having a child with his wife. it's just a coverup. we know it. everyone knows it. anyway, steve's known him for a long time through work. they're not really friends, but they're on friendly terms, i guess.

at any rate, his child... isn't the cutest child i've seen. and he and his wife have brought the child into work and i had nothing nice to say so i said nothing. another time i said, "oh my! look at her eyes! they're so... big! and her hair... is so... red!" or something like that. i don't remember exactly now... so he's been pretty pissed ever since.

so, i walked by a cube and he and a few of the ladies were were talking about kids. of course... and i was walking by and he said something about how he would probably get like 200 kids at his door. and i just butt in and said, really? that's a lot of a kids. we don't get anyone.

guy: well, you don't really like kids, anyway, right?
me: uhm... i guess not a whole lot...
guy: yeah, well, then it's a good thing that people who don't like kids don't have kids. so i commend you guys.
guy: anyway (talking to other people in that cube) steve's the stingiest, greediest guy ever. he wouldn't want to buy candy anyway.
me: uhm. he's not like that.....
guy: yes, he is. i've known him for a long time.
me: well, then, he's not that way with me...
guy: well, i'm shocked.

okay... what the fuck was all that about???? i'm so pissed. so, so pissed. how dare he??? jackass. no one talks smack about my baby! no one!!!!! i'm on the warpath now.

and you know what else? it's so not true. he is always sending me gifts... and he has wifey appreciation days and weeks... he sends me on trips... and he has never told me i couldn't get something when i wanted it. he's good with money. just because he doesn't waste money or have any debt doesn't mean he's greedy and stingy and selfish. oh yeah! i forgot. he said that steve was selfish! what an asshole :(

ahhh....

i love being the first person to use the restroom...

at least i think i was the first. the toilet seat was up and it was all clean. damn. maybe the toilet seat was up because we've got crossdressers or something. i knew something was a little "different" about the chick in the accounting department...

the sky this morning...

was so gorgeous on my drive to work this morning... and i was rockin' out to andy c....

yet, i'm still in a crappy mood... maybe it's because i was stuck behind the worst driver in the whole damned world. and believe it or not, it wasn't an asian woman driver in a benz on her cell phone.

it was some dude ... in a chevy lumina. look, if you need to take a left turn at 5 mph, maybe you shouldn't be driving your stinkin' chevy lumina during morning traffic!!! you jackass. stupid ugly ass chevy lumina.

or maybe because it's 7:15 and i'm at work...

or maybe because already 2 people have settled down in my cubicle for no reason. i just removed my chair. fuck you people. no more sitting down in my cube for you! if you have business with me, then by all means, stop and ask your question. no need to sit down and take a load off. i mean, come on! you sit all day! do you really need to sit down in my cube, as well????

but, maybe i'll get to leave early... hrm... i doubt it, but i can think that to make me feel better :)

white chicks

saw that flick white chicks last night.

i'm not sure if i was amazed or repulsed at the wayans' brothers' transformations into very blonde, very white girls...

yeah... it definitely had some funny moments... but there weren't that many... but the funny moments were very, very funny.

sometimes, they just dragged a joke on for waaaay too long... a couple of times, i thought about getting up and doing something else. but we have a projector and when the projector's on... well, it's like a moth to a flame. i can't get up. the movie has to suck some serious balls for me to get up and walk away...

and why does terry crews always play the big, thuggish, freaky, scary dude in movies???? talk about typecasting. the funniest parts were of him, though... like when he accidentally takes some E (i'm guessing.. or some other type of feel good drug) and he's all dancing with his shirt off like he's at a rave.. with the whistle and glowsticks. good god. i'm giggling just thinking about it. come to think of it, that scene is worth the price of a rental. oh, wait. we have netflix. it's definitely worth the rent.

I'M ABOUT TO LOSE IT ON SOMEONE

big time. and by "it" i mean my shit. or my mind. or whatever you want to insert there.

i need a fucking new job. i need a new environment.

this is not good for the new me. you know, the more patient and kind and understanding me? yeah. she left the building about 9AM.

i have yelled at no fewer than 4 people in the last hour and a half and written about 8 rude ass emails since 9AM. damn. now they have written proof that i have issues and i'm completely unprofessional.

i have a headache that feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in the head with a letter opener. oh, god. make it stop. i'm going to raid my boss' advil bottle. yes... i think i can take 6 right now.

what is so difficult??? why can't these fucking people do their jobs correctly???? what the fuck is wrong with them???????? jeezus h. christ. do i need to go over there and personally kick their asses? i might be smaller, but i'm meaner and scrappier.

d'oh! i made a mistake...

oops! steve told me that i had nightlife 2, not nightlife 1.



and holy shit, whaddaya know... it's not released until 11/16/04. good god, my husband rocks.

my list of blogs

AB's commented a couple of times on how my blog listing is HUGE.

and i'm adding 4 more to the bottom...

get off my back, AB, i can't help that i'm an addict! i really can't!

eep

i was checking my yahoo email (one of many email accounts i have... i really need to cut down on those)...

and this ad popped up for a dating service.



holy god. that is the scariest thing i've ever seen. if i were looking for my soulmate, i totally wouldn't use that dating service.

i mean, she looks cute enough. but he... is... scary.... *shiver*

i know, i'm going to hell.

i'll say something nice to counteract it, though... to brocke and margaret - here's to finding our one true love...

*shiver*

for my fellow drum 'n' bass lovers...

and other people who love great (electronic) music. (though i'm not sure i should put jules in that category because she sullies her good taste with "artists" such as britney... hehe)



andy c, founder of ram records and resident dj at fabric, world-renowned club in london, put out a 2 cd album called nightlife. finished disc 1 and just started on disc 2. each cd has a very distinctive sound, but both are great (so far...). but what else would you expect from him? i think it came out a while ago, but i'm just getting a chance to listen to it now... so, if you've not gotten a chance to listen to it, get it... andy c kicks ass.

W is for WHATTHEFUCKEVER

this morning on the way to work, i spotted a red miata with 2 stickers on it endorsing the bush/cheney ticket. it was on the plastic "window" part of the car... so it already looked stupid...

but much to my surprise, instead of just the W~'04 stickers i'm so used to seeing here, it said W~ is for Women '04.

i don't know, but that sticker just rubbed me the wrong way. and not that kind of wrong way... because that's really the right way... i think you know what i mean....

at any rate, i tried really hard to pull up next to her and scream, "Why??? WHY???? are you just voting republican because you're a republican? have you thought about what 4 more years of W will do for us????"

luckily, steve and i didn't carpool today so i could drive like a fucking maniac in the rain... but, unfortunately, i didn't get to her before my left-hand turn. d'oh! and i was so damned close, too.

gabriel garcia marquez...

has a new book out... he's the author who brought us 100 years of solitude... i'm convinced that it is one of the greatest books ever written. and NO, i didn't read it because it was on oprah's fucking book club. i read it BEFORE she had it on there...

that's right. i'm a fucking trendsetter.

at any rate, his new book is out... en espanol... why the fuck does it take the translator a whole year to translate? the english version isn't coming out until 9/05. wtf? what in the FUCK? not only that, but it's only 112 pages. COME ON!!!!

unfortunately, my spanish is so bad, i couldn't even remember the title of the new book. that is sad. i guess i could babelfish the whole thing, but it'll lose something in the translation, i'm sure.

gawd.

that's okay. i'm pretty far behind in reading right now. i have 2 thick ass books to read... and a ton of smaller ones... i'm still annoyed, though.

the best day of my life

this is probably going to be my last post about psycho... there may be other ones, but none that are dedicated solely to him. i mean, it was a big chunk of my life and who i am now. at least i'm not all upset like i was yesterday.

(and for the record, i don't just call him psycho because i'm trying to protect his identity or anything like that. since i left him, his name has been psycho. calling him by his real name would make him more human somehow... and he really is a fucking monster.)

yesterday, i felt like my heart stopped and then someone chucked a friggin' encyclopedia at me and i didn't catch it and it just hit my chest or something. that lasted about 30 minutes. but then i decided that i wasn't going to let him get to me. there's no reason to let some stupid ass ruin my night... i mean, i get to leave work. it's happy time.

so here i am. back at work. and i'm not upset or freaked out or anything. i'm pissed. pissed that he thought he had the right to contact me.

warning: this is going to be a long ass post. it's mostly a catharsis for me...

so i'm going to blog about the best day of my life. hence the title.

rewind to october '99, i was in my last quarter of college. psycho and i were living together in a 2 bedroom house with a single mom and her two kids. it wasn't as bad as it sounds. kim was a great woman. her kids were adorable and well-behaved. she was sweet and she basically saved my life.

for months, i knew i didn't love him anymore. hell, i didn't even like him. but i had resigned myself to the fact that i was stuck with him forever. during that summer before school started again, i would go to work early and come home late because it was better than going home to him. and i didn't sleep much at night because all i could think about was how to get out of the relationship. i honestly didn't believe i could just leave him. i really thought that i would have to either kill him or kill myself. so all night long, i'd fantasize about ways to kill him and how to get rid of the evidence so they couldn't link it back to me. i probably got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep every night.

every day that summer, it was the same. i'd get up early, go to work, beg my boss there for more work, stay late, come home, make dinner, clean, go to bed, fantasize about killing him or myself, sleep for 2 to 3 hours... every fucking day. weekends were torture.

when school started again, it was a relief.

but, back to october '99. psycho had an operation to remove his large intestine due to ulcerative colitis. guess who got to deal with that whole fucking mess? guess who had to deal with shit coming out of his stomach into a colostomy bag because he was such a baby and freaked out at the sight of his own shit? yay. i got that job. it was fabulous. yeah.

at any rate, he came back from the hospital... and he and his friend, john (who is another piece of work. got a girl prego, doesn't pay child support, but i'm sure gets really drunk and says how much he loves his son...) decide to go to tahoe. getting a major surgery like that is traumatizing and they wanted to go for some fun.

i was so happy that he was leaving. unfortunately, the night before they were going to leave, he and i got into an argument. it was somewhat related to hannah and his cheating ways. we got into a pretty big fight. he ended up grabbing me and pushing me up against the stove (which was off, thankfully). he had his whole body weight (he's like 5'11" or 6'0", 220+ pounds. maybe 240. i really don't remember) on me and he had his elbow in my throat so i couldn't scream or anything. i could barely breathe. and i definitely couldn't move.

i barely croaked out, "KIM! KIM!" she must've been awake listening to the whole thing because she heard it. and she came out.

as soon as the door opened, psycho backed way up. he was probably 10-15 feet away from me. kim asked what was going on or something like that.

me: (i can still barely breathe... and my voice is all hoarse) he had me pushed up against...
psycho (interrupting): i don't know. she's lying. i don't know what she's talking about. she's crazy. she's crazy.
kim: uhm. okay...

and kim went back to bed. didn't say anything. and psycho looks at me. and i knew that unless i fixed it, he wasn't going to tahoe with his friend. so i groveled. i begged him for forgiveness. i told him i was sorry and baby, i love you... please forgive me.

he "forgave" me. bright and early saturday morning, he left for tahoe with john. i cried a lot that day. i felt completely beaten. finally sometime during the day, i was in the living room and kim came out and sat next to me. i cried and cried and told her that i wasn't crazy that i wasn't making it up...

and she looked at me and said, "i believe you. i saw those marks on your neck..." this of course, made me cry more. and then she said, "so, what do you want to do?" "i don't know. i don't know what to do... i can't do this anymore." "so, do you want to leave him?" "i can't. he'll come after me. he'll come after my family."

"no, he won't. he's just threatening you so you won't leave him."

and i had been so brainwashed, i couldn't even see that. i just kept on sobbing.

kim: before david, i was married to a very abusive man. he punched me in the face and broke my nose. he brought girls home and would have sex on the couch with them and if i came out, he'd introduce me to them as his sister. (the way kim said all this was very matter of fact. it wasn't a sob story at all.) he told me he would kill me if i ever left him... but i'm not dead yet.

none of my friends could understand me, so they couldn't help me. they didn't know where i was coming from. but kim... kim had been there... and it had been worse. and she got out alive.

me: but... i can't...
kim: yes, you can.
me: but i don't know what to do... i don't have any money (oh, psycho used to use all my money for the necessities and his money was for the fun stuff. so if i ever wanted to do anything, i'd have to ask him for money - as well as his permission)
kim: that's easy.
1) pack up his shit
2) move it into his car. whatever doesn't fit, we'll put in the garage
3) change your home number
4) change your pager number (that's right. i only had a pager back then. no cell phone)
5) we'll change all the locks to the house. we'll have david (she was separated from david, her second husband who was not abusive, and they were still on speaking terms) come over and make sure he doesn't try to break in
6) don't worry about rent. i'll take care of it this month
7) as soon as we're done, i'll take you to a friend's house and you can stay there for a bit until things calm down here.

me: but, he'll call me. he'll know if i changed my numbers.
kim: then wait until he's on his way back from tahoe.
me: what if he comes up to school?
kim: he won't do anything in public. just make sure you're never alone.
me: what if he blames you? won't work be awkward? (they were co-workers)
kim: he won't do anything to me. he could say something to me. but he won't hurt me because I'M NOT YOU. what can he do to me that hasn't already been done, anyway?

me: ... ... ...
kim: come on, i'll help you pack.

i was so beaten down by him that i had no idea how to do things anymore. i didn't know how to make my own decisions anymore. i was an emotional wreck...

so, we packed up all his shit. crammed as much of it in his car as possible. the rest we stuffed in the garage. he called. i acted normal. i burned every single picture and every single negative that he had of me. i packed up the ugly engagement ring he'd given me. people still say i should've sold it, but for one, it wouldn't have gotten me much money, anyway and two, i didn't want him even thinking for a second that i might've kept it for sentimental reasons.

sunday morning, i got a call from my parents. my uncle had just died... i cried a little bit... but it just made me pack faster. heh. he was my favorite uncle and i still love him very much... and i know it would've killed him had he known what i had been going through. and i said to myself and to kim: life's too short for this bullshit... i need to get out of this...

kim drove me to a friend's house in st. helena. he didn't know about this friend. it was a co-worker i had... and i was free. i still technically lived with kim until december. i didn't spend much time there because i didn't want him to be stalking me outside of the home. didn't want to traumatize her kids. i saw him once there. i wouldn't open the door for him. he was begging and yelling... i just showed him the phone and showed him that i was dialing 911. he took off pretty quickly.

i've tried calling kim multiple times since i've been down here. i always get the answering machine. these days it's a different message. she may have moved away. it sucks because i owe this woman my life. and i can't even thank her... and let her know that i'm doing well. and i'm happy now... had i stayed with psycho, i think i would've killed myself. i don't know if i would've killed him first or not, but i would've died. i haven't a doubt in my mind.

so, kim... wherever you are... words can not express how much i owe you and how much i have to thank you for.

open letter to allfoggedin

some creep with the yahoo handle allfoggedin IM'ed me today.

he claimed to be Psycho. maybe he is, maybe he's not. whatever. creep. i had to put him on ignore. jackass.

seeing the horrible spelling, though, i'm going to assume that it's him. he spelled interfere: interfear. fuck. have i mentioned how much i hate misspelled words? ignorant ass.

at any rate, apparently, he's been reading my blog... and he said something about how he would never try to interfear [sic] with my life.

so psycho, this note is for you...

if you're not trying to interfere with my life, why even bother to IM me? to see if you could still get a reaction? yeah, you got one. i got that sweet taste in my mouth... the one that comes right before you vomit.

if you have even a shred of human decency in you, do NOT ever try to contact me again, whether over email, IM, telephone, in person, or any other method i may have missed. if you ever see me in public, do NOT approach me. i will not be nice. i won't even be civil. remember how you told me how hui-lin used to freak out when she saw you? yeah. it'll be like that. and if you do try to approach me in public, i will request a restraining order against you. and this time your older brother will not be able to stop me.

when i tried to get a restraining order all those years ago, your brother begged and pleaded your case for you... and because i was nice, i decided against it. this time around, i won't care.

who do you think you are? how dare you even think you can approach me? after all that you put me through, how dare you think i even want to hear your "side" of the story... whatever side that might be? or your apologies or your well wishes. you think you're being nice ... you're being the better person... please. spare me. i don't want to hear from you, period.

i can hear you right now... telling your friends, "oh... man... i don't know why i always end up dating the psycho girls... i tried to wish her well. i tried to say all this stuff and she was a bitch to me and put me on her ignore list... she's so immature..."

do you really believe that the girls you are dating are psycho???? with a track record like yours, you'd have to be in DENIAL or completely blind to not see that maybe you are the one with the problem. it's not us. it's you. get that in your head.

so, i'm being nice right now. i am being civil. please do not in any way, shape, or form try to contact me ever again. while i'm at it, let me include my family and friends, you know who they are. trust me. none of them want to hear from you. i'll even say thank you in advance.

thank you.

why won't he tell me????

so, steve won't tell me who he voted for on his absentee ballot. damn it!!!!!

i know he didn't vote for bush... (he promised me he wouldn't and he said he didn't - shhh... don't tell his uber-republican family.) and i don't believe he voted for kerry because he said he didn't want to tell me because i would hold it against him for the next four years...

or maybe he voted for kerry and he meant that i would use it to blackmail him with his family...

oh, god... did he vote for nader???? and who the fuck were those other people on the ballot???

damn it! why won't he fucking tell me? he's driving me absolutely crazy!!!! fuck! fuck! fuck!

what do i need to do? rub my boobs in his face? find someone with bigger boobs to rub in his face? what will crack this man????? damn! i nagged him for at least 15 minutes...

i even promised to leave him alone tonight... and he still didn't tell me... argh!!!!

and then he says it doesn't matter because california's going to kerry, anyway... yeah... i know! so fucking tell me already!!!! how would i hold anything against him if kerry's got cali? i wouldn't!!! so tell me! tell me!

steve, if you're reading this, i just wanna know why you hate me so... or why you love to torture me. it can't be THAT bad being married to me :P DAYAM!

ohhhh. i'm getting warm fuzzies.

my brother sent me a letter... he said he loves me. ...

i know he's not actually saying it and i'm not exactly hearing it, but i haven't heard that in so long... it actually got me choked up.

god, i hope this program really works for him... for everyone's sakes...

wacked out dreams

so, i played paper mario last night for a few hours... it was fun... but i think that it was the cause of my dream last night. i walked into this trap. it sucked... but it wasn't that bad. or maybe it was the all the gatorade i had. steve told me once that the sugar in drinks was giving me nightmares. i don't know if that's true, but it always seems to be the case. the worst was orange juice. never drink orange juice right before you go to sleep!

in my dream, i was a guy (wtf? i knew i should've been born a boy)... i was a white guy. i looked kinda like jason statham... *meeeeeow* anyway, i was captured by these goons and i was fighting to get away, but i had to get my wife first. so i'm in an elevator with these guys (and they're trying to get my wife, too) and we're going upstairs to go to our apartment and somehow i fight my way out. i get out of the elevator, get to the apartment and grab her and we run. these guys are like, right behind us and we jump in the water... (it was a sweet waterfront flat) now, even though i'm this white guy, i am still me. i don't swim. i'm basically floundering in the water.

the wife gets this little rowboat off of someone's houseboat and we're rowing our asses off. now, in my dream, i know that my wife is part of this scheme to get me. and she's trying to get me to trust her. and i know that she's leading me into a trap, and i'm still going along with it. you'd think i'd just drown the bitch.

there's this big boat (our destination) and we're getting on it... my cousin (who looks suspiciously like steve buscemi) is on the boat driving it. and i know he's part of the whole evil plot to get me, but i stay on the boat, anyway. how stupid am i???

then i kick his ass and throw him overboard... and as i'm about to confront my wife, the alarm went off. ... damn! i wanted to kick more ass.

i think i am sexually confused and i have paranoia issues.

MEL MEGA....

you've got a secret admirer.

check it.

MIKE - you gotta snap a pic of this guy and post it. for all of us. okay. for me. do it for me, damn it.

am i the only one...

who gets the giggles thinking about the ashlee simpson SNL debacle???

wedding cake

bet they saved a bunch of money on their wedding cake. mmm. twinkies.



i can't believe that anyone would actually do this. i mean. i just can't. i kept thinking maybe it was fake. i don't know. it looks real, though...

they must really love those hostess cakes.

yo, where are the snowballs??? i feel cheated.

stomach operations

there was this article in the health section of the paper today about this boy who had a severe weight problem. he was 5'9" and 385lbs or something like that. they said he had hormonal problems, blah, blah, blah...

after the stomach surgery, he's now 5'11" and 185lbs. uhm... and steve made a good point. if it was hormonal, why would the stomach surgery help him lose weight? if it was a hormonal problem, he'd still be a lardass.

maybe he got hormonal problems because of his obesity, but he was not obese because of it.

i think way too many people use their thyroid or "hormone problems" as their excuse... my friend is a nutritionist and she said that the thyroid being the reason why someone is overweight is pretty rare. and there are also people who have an issues with their thyroids who are in the normal body weight.

i hate that. just admit you have a problem. maybe a slow metabolism or you're a closet eater. stop blaming shit on your thyroids. and if you're convinced, go to the doctor. they can do some blood tests and they'll let you know if it is indeed your thyroid.

okay. i'm going back to work now. damn stupid work.

changed my mind.

starting to have problems typing now. oh, and controlling my mouse.

they're going to have to amputate my hand. i know it.

*yawn*

man, i'm so tired. i don't know why... i had a killer headache last night. i've never had a headache that bad... it was so bad, i got nauseated. that has NEVER happened before. i thought i was going to ralph. gross.... i guess i played video games too long... well, it wasn't THAT long. maybe 6.5 hours, but i guess it was too long for me...

but, paper mario is fun! if you have gamecube, you have to get it, if you don't have it yet. i'm stuck now, though. damn it. it's cool, you can turn into a paper airplane and glide places from certain platforms, you can slip through cracks and such and i don't have these two abilities yet, but you can roll up into a tube and you can turn into a paper boat from special docks. it's kinda cool... :) anyway, yeah. it's fun.

i did my duty and sent in my absentee ballot on saturday. kerry/edwards in '04! check out this article by hunter s. thompson. good read.. if you like thompson.

watched the day after tomorrow last night. holy god. that movie was SOOOO bad, it was comical. i think i burst out laughing no less than 7 times during the course of the movie... of course, i watched the whole thing. i couldn't help it! it was just so goddamned funny... bad dialogue, holey plot... the special effects were okay... but, i was pretty unimpressed.

i think the actors did the best they could with the cheesey lines they were given... i like jake gyllenhaal, but mostly because i liked donnie darko. yeah, all in all, the movie pretty much just sucked ass... if you're in the mood to watch a crappy ass movie, then by all means, go for it. i would suggest against it, though. i mean, it's bad.

i did way more this weekend then i planned to. i was going to do nothing, but i ended up cooking a lot... it was fun, though. i like to cook. it's fun and all... i'm just not exactly a gourmet chef or anything... poor steve, always my guinea pig. went to this grocery store called wholesome choice. it was kinda cool. lots of fresh ingredients and ethnic foods. they've got this deli in there that smells fabulous. i have to go there sometime and try it out. it was a tad too crowded for my taste, but at least i know where to go for those hard to find ingredients...

OH! at the store, when i was in the checkout line, this little asian boy was sitting in the cart. he was probably 2ish/3ish. well, old enough to talk. and he kept on pointing at me. i couldn't figure out why, but i just smiled at him and kinda ignored him as best as i could.

his mom: what, honey?
boy: *pointing at me* she looks like mommy...
mom: she does? *and the woman looks at me*
*the woman is UGLY, i'm trying not to be offended*
boy: *acting all shy like little boys do* prettier
mom: mommy's prettier?
boy: NO. *points at me* prettier.

i just looked away. i was mortified. i was embarrassed for the mom... god! kids are such brats! i didn't know what to do. i pretended like i heard nothing and got really interested in the stuff in my cart. people always get so happy about how kids are so honest and upfront. who the fuck cares? i just think they're just fucking embarrassing. but that's just me.

blah, blah, blah. i'm babbling because i don't want to work. but i have to because the boss is in. and it's the last week of the month... blah. i don't want to work :( my right wrist and right hand are worse today than ever. i seriously think i may have a problem. stupid ergonomics bastard people! i can't really use my thumb to pick things up... well, i can use it, but i can't use any pressure, so that makes it hard to actually pick things up or lift anything. typing's still okay... i guess that's all that matters. *sigh* i can't really write with a pen or a pencil, but who uses those anymore, anyway, right?

never try to bring friends home for your bunny

i'm so fucking bored... so i was thinking about what my bunny's doing at home right now. man, what a sweet life she leads.

i think she's either flopped over on her side sleeping, or sitting in her little dirt pot. eh, she's probably sleeping. lazy little bunny.

she might be lonely, but ... i'm not going to find her a friend.

a few months back, we thought she might be lonely, so we went to the pound to see if we could find her any cute, compatible buddies. this is before she was fixed, by the way. apparently, male bunnies can smell female hormones and go absolutely ape-shit...

there's this bunny lady there who informs us that we can't put two female bunnies together because they get all territorial and possessive and it's just a bad idea. so, we put her in a pen with a boy bunny.

he sniffs the air and bam! he rapes her. he jumps up on top of her and starts going at it. our baby bunny buns is squished up against the cage wall as he's just raping her...

me: *screaming* get him off of her! oh my god! my poor virgin baby!!!
bunny lady: oh, it's okay. he's just trying to get to know her. it's normal.
me: oh my god! get him off of her!

BL thinks i'm completely mad and tries to get her with a different boy bunny. he's kind of old, so i think maybe this is a good thing. maybe he'll just leave her alone. uhm. no. he was even more aggressive... leaps on top of her and starts raping her, too.

me: *screaming* make him stop!!!!
BL: this is normal behavior...
me: i don't care!!!! oh... my poor baby.... my poor virgin baby...
BL: well, technically, she's still a virgin because they've all been fixed

yeah, whatever, lady.

we tried one more time... she was kinda cuddling with him... and then he jumps on her and starts doing her, too... except he was confused... i guess he was into 69. a lot. he's totally fucking her poor face.

after that traumatic experience, we never brought her back to the pound... BL kept trying to tell me that no matter what we do, that's going to happen... there's not a single male bunny who won't try to rape her.

fine, then. she didn't like any of those old, ugly bunnies anyway.

anyway, back to be being ronery, i gotta see team america. i really, really do. i wonder if kim jong-il's seen that movie yet? i know he's always wanted to be a shining star.

is it normal to have a numb wrist? i don't think it is.

today is my last day of freedom. next week i'm actually going to have to work. plus it's month-end, so i'll be super busy. i'm so sad.

i'm going to get my christmas money today. yay! that means i can actually get xmas presents. i just wanna get it over with. i hate shopping. i hate dealing with malls and people and crowds. but i can't do it all online. it's a shame.

and steve's the hardest to shop for. a friend mentioned several really good ideas ... but i think i'm going to stick with the original plan...

damn... i wish it was time to go home. guess i'll look online and see if i can find any cool hotels to stay in while we're in australia. i never find the cool ones, though. i don't know how steve does.

this weekend

it's so going to kick ass! i'm so excited.

i'm doing NOTHING, except visit my cousins on saturday. other than that i'm not leaving the house... unless steve makes me go to the gym... :( maybe i convince him that we can get exercise "another way." hehehe.

i'm going to play pikmin 2 and paper mario... okay, maybe i'll watch steve play paper mario. whatever. anyway, it's going to rule. i'm not taking a shower on sunday, either. yeah! i'm going to be all grody and greasy and i'm going to be happy. yay!

eating, sleeping, playing video games... those are a few of my favorite things.

damn. i think i have carpal tunnel. this is going to hinder gameplay. fuck. they're just begging for me to go out on worker's comp. i emailed and called the fucktard who's supposed to be making my workstation ergonomic... why won't he call me back? why?

midget height

i was looking around online and it seems that midget height is approximately 50".

i'm no pocket pal! yeah! yeah! i'm 62"... so there. and that's without shoes.

yeah, i've got a complex... wanna make something of it?

last night

we met the friend at the elephant bar... (crap entrees, pretty good drinks, pretty good apps)

he must've been having a slow year or something. i heard no sordid stories of his latest sexcapades. thank god. they just gross me out.

he is still annoying and creepy, though. i told him i wouldn't have recognized him because of the beard he's growing out. he said, "well, i wouldn't have recognized you at all!" and then i think he caught his gaffe and said, "you're like pretty asian lady #985." uhm... yeah. i would've preferred that he left it with the first comment. what the hell? what a fucking weirdo.

we're waiting for our table and i asked him what he teaches. and before i can even get the full question out of my mouth, he answers, "sex ed." and then i remembered i asked him that last year when we saw him and he said the same thing. damn. i have to remember not to ask him that anymore.

he's gotta have some sort inferiority complex or something because all he does is boast and brag. it's pretty annoying.

so, yeah. the entire night was pretty much spent listening to him boast. yeah. it was great.

on the up side, i had a tasty girly fruity martini and a lot of appetizers. we got chicken lettuce wraps and the super sampler plate mmmm... had potato skins, chicken fingers, buffalo wings, nachos, garlic bread... and dips and such. i felt like i had been dunked into a vat of crisco with my mouth open. ew. but it still tasted good, even though i felt like i needed to purge after that binge.

last time i'd gone to the elephant bar, it was for my friend lilly's bday. i took her out to lunch. and she convinced me that the creme brulee was to die for and made me get my own. i'm never listening to her again. that creme brulee was so fucking nasty.

never ever get the creme brulee there.

when we got home, i was really sleepy after my food orgy and i went to sleep. i think i slept for 10 hours. maybe 10.5, even. so why am i cranky? you'd think i'd be all happy with all that food and sleep... *grunt*

halloween

so, we have absolutely no plans for halloween. i never really went trick or treating as a kid. i never really got dressed up and stuff. so i'm not really into it. but i feel like we should do something fun. i just don't know what yet.

we never get trick or treaters, either. every year, i buy candy, just in case... and every year, we end up eating all the candy. it's like they're too lazy to walk up the goddamned steps. lazy ass brats. fine. fuck you. i'll keep my damned candy.

we were kinda thinking about maybe going to monster massive, but... it's $75 a pop. and that's before ticketbastard rapes us with service charges. and we've still got our big upcoming vacation. so it's probably not a good idea...

what to do? what to do?

steve's "friend"

tonight we're supposed to have drinks with a "friend" of steve's.

he gives me the creeps. he's always looking for chicks to have sex with. and he's married. i would tell steve to just go without me, but i'm afraid of what he might say when i'm not around... you know, steve would probably pimp me out for the right price. heh.

i wonder what sordid stories he has for us tonight...

god. he's not even cute.

lost

watched last night's episode of LOST at lunch... what the fuck? damn. i love that show. fucking genius...

i love those flashbacks... and i'm confused... it was a little bright outside, but i was pretty sure that the coffin was empty... right? i mean, it must've been empty, i mean, he was bashing that thing in pretty hard.

and matthew fox is still hot. *meeeeow* steve tried to cover my eyes when he ripped his shirt off all manly-like and jumped into the ocean. *grawr* i still saw it, though. so there. :P

i still hate that korean dude. i seriously can't understand a goddamn word he's saying... it's so awful.... and i hate the way he portrays korean men to be all misogynistic and shit. they might be. i wouldn't know. though, from what i've seen the korean-american types are a bunch of pushovers. i'm still waiting for the korean chick to hook up with the black dude who ran into her bathing herself.

am i the only one who thinks the main chick looks like kate beckinsale?

steve's friend said that he said "oh, shit!" about 6 times during the episode.... i think i only had about 3...

looks like abc picked up lost for another season or something like that. yay.

the next blog button

i know... i'm not supposed to click on that evil button... but i'm bored right now...

a few observations:

1. even people in malaysia TyPe LiKe ThIs... who knew it was worldwide???
2. there are way too many foreign language blogs out there. how am i supposed to read them??? how dare they?
3. if you like new shrimp recipes, go here. if you need help with finding pet care, go here. and if you're obsessed with your cat, go here.
4. approximately 75% of the blogs visited thus far have something about the red sox. yeah, let's all jump on the fucking red sox bandwagon. oooh! they finally reversed the curse!!! oooh... what the fuck ever. bite me.
5. approximately 50% of the blogs visited thus far have less than 3 entries. and all entries are boring. of those blogs, approximately 25% of them have a first entry of "hi, my name is (insert name and email address here).
6. so far, i've seen an equal number of pro-bush and anti-bush political sites.
7. there are a lot of hateful high schoolers.
8. no one should be allowed to use U or b4... unless you are prince or you're text messaging and you have a limit on characters.
9. found one called the evil conservative blog. he got one thing right :P
10. after almost 30 minutes of looking at blogs, i haven't wanted to comment on any one of them. except for the republican ones... that's always fun.
11. why would anyone have a white background and write with a yellow font? conversely, why would anyone with a dark background use a really dark colored font? idiots.
12. if you click on "next blog" long enough, you'll hit the same ones you hit in the beginning.

wow... so that was a waste of time. the funny thing is, i kinda knew it would be, and i did it anyway... actually, it's weird... seems like blogger's getting inundated with more and more crap lately... i mean, i used to be able to find at least one good or at least decent blog.

bored... shitless... blah...

i've got to, got to, got to, got to, got to remember to fill out my absentee ballot...

i don't know whether to vote for that guy sukhee kang. (yes, it's a guy, and no, much to my disappointment, it's not pronounced "sucky").... hrm... i know he's my people and all, but i think he may be a repub. then again, when the fuck have i ever cared about my people? i think i'm going to have to NOT vote for his ass.

i know steve's voting for him. not because he's a repub or my people, but because there was a picture of him with his family and he has a daughter who's fairly cute. all of a sudden, he loves sukhee...

nomilk had the marriage rights site on his blog. i've been trying to watch that ad for a good 15 minutes now. GOD, why does quicktime HATE me????

since tuesday, i have not shown up at work earlier than 9:45. i love not having a boss here.

hump day has come and gone. sadly, no humps for me. that's okay. i'm too tired for that, anyway. i'm still recovering from the weekend. detox is a bitch.

speaking of last weekend, for the record, i just wanted to say, i'm not that small! i just look little because steve's like the jolly green giant. he's 6'2". and well-built (in more ways than one *wink*wink*)

damn, i'm bored. and i'm tired...today at lunch we're going to watch LOST. woohoo! i still think matthew fox is a hot piece of ass.

last night, we watched the first episode of battlestar galactica. the new one. not the old one. and the actual series, not the mini-series that aired december 2003. we have the box set for the old one... i think i may have only watched a couple of those. i liked the cheesiness of it all. heh... but the new one? it's kinda cool... slick production... hot cylon chick... what more could you want?

yes, i know the first episode's not until january 2005... i love steve's voodoo magic.

but why they always gotta make the asians the evil ones? damn it. whatever. it's true. we're evil. i'll admit it. don't trust us, man. we'll hurt you.

ah, finally watched that ad called "piercing"... pretty cool...

i don't give a fuck about baseball

this lady that sits near me just can't contain her excitement. she watches baseball on her computer all fucking day long...

all i hear is:

yes! yes! yes!
no! no! no!
and they score another run! yes!!!! (and then making that annoying crowd roaring noise)
YESSSSSSSS! (with the hissy "s")
her phone ringing (this is usually right after a run was scored or someone's struck out), which coincidentally is set to the same ringtone as my phone. i changed mine for about a week, but then i decided that if it annoys or confuses her, she can change hers.

there are a couple of other little phrases, but i can't remember them right now. it's really beginning to annoy the shit out of me... she was all happy and prancing by my cubicle and i was just staring at her. and on her way back to her desk, she looked at me and asked me if i was following the games.

my response: "i don't give a fuck about baseball."

she was all mortified. first of all, she and i have never exchanged more than 2 words to each other. actually, i'm not sure i've ever said anything to her ever. second of all, i *gasp* said the "f" word... i think i'm going to hear about this from her boss. oh well... what am i going to do now? it's done... she may not say anything at all.

happy birthday to my car

i got my car one year ago today... i have way more than 10K miles on it though... i think that's what we told the insurance company.... shhhh - don't tell them.

GAH!!!!

so, i get to the store and i'm happily picking out my veggies and such for my chicken soup...

and my cell rings and it's my boss' secretary. he's looking for me... fuck!

so now i'm back at work. i hate it when that happens...

the man is in japan for chrissakes! leave me alone!!! leave me alone!!!

fuck.

personality disorder test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

got this from mike's blog. man. i so thought i'd be dependent, obsessive-compulsive and paranoid. wtf is advoidant? i'm with mike. this test is bunk. hehe...

yeah. fuck them.

ooh. i'm going home now. woohoo!!!!! going to make homemade chicken soup and take care of the poor baby bunny :D

damn rain

so... i get up this morning and the bunny is SOAKED :( there's a shelf thing out there to keep her dry, but i guess it was windy last night, so the whole thing was wet. we brought her in and she had to poop and pee and such. and she was hungry. i don't think she left her little area trying to keep dry.

we brought her in to try to dry her off and get her a little warm. we set up the bathroom so she could stay in there today, but she was so unhappy. she wanted to stay outside in the rain or something. what the hell is wrong with the little bunny?

she's locked up in the bathroom now :( i'm going to have to go home at lunch to check on her. poor baby. i may have to look into buying her a little bunny house or something.

on another note, my hubby's the sweetest. it was all rainy and cold so he came in while i was taking a shower and stole my towels and put them in the dryer so they'd be all toasty warm for me when i came out. how much do i love him??? :) and to think i almost yelled at him and called him a perv for taking the towels out. heh...

pictures

i'd like to just say, in advance, sorry for all the pics of me. i think steve is biased or something. there seems to be a lot of pics of me...

DAY 1

so, here we are. we just walked into the voodoo music fest. and this is our first drink in new orleans. from L to R: jules, steve's friend (and my co-worker) and me. right now i'm saying, "dude, as soon as steve's done taking this picture, i'm so kicking your ass. seriously."


here we are on bourbon street. we're on our way to pat o'brien's.


good god! first sip of my first hurricane. damn, that's strong!


maybe halfway through my hurricane... goddamn, but everything's so funny right about now.


steve and friend. oh, look at the cute little superman curl steve's got going on. also, sorry for the blurriness of the pic. i was drunk.


one of many shots at razoo's (or however you spell that).


fuck you and good night.

DAY 2

the french open air market.


about to dive into my muff...aletta. mmm. from the central grocery who boasts the original muffaletta.


here we are in front of the mighty mississippi.


de la soul at day 2 of voodoo music fest.


a tribe called quest.


our hand grenades. look at those evil little faces. they're so happy to fuck us up! little hand grenade bastards.


to quote steve, "it's always mardi gras on bourbon street."


julia's first shot at razoo's.


she likes me! she really, really likes me!


that's right, i got beads with a cock attached. not only that, but it fucking squeaks, too. how awesome is that???? sadly, i didn't earn those. but i kept them. hehe.


and back to cafe du monde for beignets. mmm. beignets. i so wanted to grab it out of her hand and eat it.

and then we got 1.5 hours of sleep and got up and made it home somehow. i still don't know how.

hope y'all appreciated this. :) i was having problems with the "hello" program, so it took me an hour to get this done. :(

the best quiz ever.

thanks, mike for this.

i always knew i was the OG.


You are Hanging. Traditional and effective. You may be outdated by todays standards, but there is no doubt that you have welcomed more depressed souls to the afterlife than any other method. You are the means of departure for the truly depressed. People who have no regard for
anything anymore can rely on you to leave a loved one with the pleasant experience of finding them dangling from the rafters. You are a staple in the suicide department. Tenure is yours.

you know you're from cali, if...

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze
5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian
9. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears
11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotch less chaps, and you don't even notice,
14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment
16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S & M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
17. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"
19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:00 PM Tae Bo class
20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents
22. Hey!!!! Is Pot Illegal????
23. Both you AND your dog have therapists
24. The Terminator is your governor

man, i really feel these. especially #18 and #21.

i read an article in the paper this morning... people are freaking the fuck out because their homes are flooded, blah, blah, blah... and it only rained like half a damned inch over the weekend... and then they're saying we should expect a heckuva lot more through wednesday... 3 inches!!!!

the rest of the country is laughing at us again.

smells like ass

so, about the weekend... the subject line pretty much says it all. everything smelled like ass.

damn, i still smell like ass. wtf? (and don't tell me to wipe my upper lip, MIKE.)

other than that, i had a LOT of fun. from what i can remember...

we got in on saturday about 3ish... i think. can i just say that new orleans has some of the most inconvenient driving ever. it is my second most hated cities to drive in. (not that i was driving, but still...) everything is so ass backwards. (there i go with the ass again)

we checked in and went to the voodoo music fest... unfortunately, we missed the killers. i kinda wanted to see them. we got some sonic youth, talib kweli, cypress hill, mix master mike, green day, john digweed, beastie boys. that was just on saturday.

i don't like green day's music. especially their new stuff. i have a certain fondness for their older stuff. reminds me of the good ol' days or something, i guess. but, goddamn, they put on a good show, though. i mean, they were really entertaining. i don't know what their frontman's name is, but he was really great.

oh, they did this thing (i don't know if they do it in every city or not) where they ask people in the audience if they can play the drums, then they drag someone out of the crowd... and then they make them play a simple (pre-selected) beat... while this kid's playing, they get a bassist who's playing a line and then while those 2 are playing, they grab a guitarist... all easy stuff. and they play while he sings some short song... anyway, i can only imagine that those kids were soooo excited. it probably will have made their entire lives, thus far. (i say kids... i don't know how old they were. they looked like teenagers, though.)

he gave the guitar kid his goddamned guitar. if i were that green day fan, i would've had an orgasm on stage. and he made the bassist do a stage dive. for some reason, that made me giggle. i think the drummer got shafted.

but even if it was easy and i was the world's best drummer/bassist/guitarist, i'd for sure just CHOKE. i don't think i could play in front of that kind of crowd! jeezus.

afterwards, we took jules back to the hotel... she wasn't feeling well. and then we headed out. i'm the worst friend ever. we never got that 3 gallon hurricane :( there was no way we could drink that with just the 3 of us. (steve, me, steve's friend)

we went to pat o'brien's first. when we first started walking there, i kinda hated the french quarter. it just smelled like ass.... seriously. i could hardly breathe without wanting to gag... but we finally got to POB's and got a hurricane. i had maybe... 2 sips and i could feel it. 5 sips, and i had this big ol' shit eating grin on my face... (someone wanna tell me wtf shit eating grin means, really?) by the end of that hurricane, i was FUCKED UP. and i told the guys i couldn't drink anymore.

then we went to razoo's. they say i had 5 shots there. i only remember 3... maybe 4. the 4th is kinda blurry. damn. i wish i had pics right now. they give you shots in a test tube looking thing and the drink chick puts the closed end in her mouth and then pours it into your mouth. uhm. never mind. i'll find a pic to post. maybe. heh.

we had some other drinks somewhere. i don't remember. i think i ate something, too. hrm. whatever. oh yeah... we had beignets! mmmm... cafe du monde... we got maybe 4.5 hours of sleep...

and then on sunday, we headed to the french open air market... it was great... and we got muffalettas at the central grocery. mmm... so good. i want more. saw the mississippi. saw ... uhm... was it jackson square? went back to bourbon street to see it during the day. the ass smell wasn't quite so bad during the day. it was a lot cleaner... i liked it.

went back to the voodoo music fest. caught de la soul, tribe called quest (GREAT show), velvet revolver (jules and i had to leave almost immediately. they SUCK ASS), mauro picotto, and while they all went to see kid rock, i watched ferry corsten. i just don't see kid rock's appeal.

went back to bourbon street that night. jules was feeling better. she and i both got hand grenades. and i'm not sure what else... i got beads. i'm not posting pics.

DUDE. and we got jules to flash! wooohooo! hehehehe... it was cool. the first time she flashed, she got like a shitload of beads. i was like, HEY! that's so unfair. damn. i have to flash like 3 times to get the same number of beads. rat bastards. we can't ALL be like D's and shit. fuckers.

i so wasn't going to because steve's friend was there... and i work with him. but after he'd seen them once, hey, it's not like it was going to be something new or anything. that was an accident, too. i thought he was behind me, but he snuck around. jackass. oh well.

we were up on a balcony... got to see lots of cocks (thanks, guys!), hairy asses (no thanks, guys!), hairy chests and backs (ew)...

met these 2 boys. they were so cute. steve wasn't on the balcony yet... they were totally hitting on jules and me... they were from birmingham, alabama. hehe... anyway, i wasn't wearing my real wedding ring, but i was wearing this really cheap band on my ring finger. 15 minutes later, one of them (shit, i don't remember their names! hehe) says, "oh my god. you're married, aren't you?" (by this time steve's up on the balcony) i say yes and he wants to know where my husband is. i pull steve over... and he's saying to steve, "let me see your wedding ring! let me see your wedding ring!" like we're lying to them or something. steve wasn't wearing his ring, either... but i guess they finally believed us. then they ran far away from me. hehehe. it's so funny whenever people find out i'm married... at least i know their true intentions. hehe. that they don't think i'm a cool chick or something, they just want ass.

by the way, when we're travelling, we don't typically wear our wedding rings, not because we're going to cheat or anything (ahem, JULES heheh) but because it's just one more thing we have to keep track of. i can't sleep with my rings on. they bother me. that's because my diamond is SO friggin' huge. j/k. i just can't sleep with them on.

i think i killed off lots of brain cells. i can't remember shit today.

the weather was so nice! not like cali today :( wtf? i came back to shit weather :(

oh, and i counted no less than 81 lance armstrong ugly ass yellow live strong bracelets... and one guy had on 2. he REALLY supports lance and the cancer research, i guess. damn. i hate those bracelets.

okay. that's the weekend wrap up. i am sure i'm forgetting huge chunks. i guess you'll have to check jules' blog to find the missing pieces. i really don't remember right now.

and i'm tired. had some trouble getting back here, but we're back. and i'm just happy that it doesn't smell like ass.

what happens in new orleans, stays in new orleans

oh, wait. that's vegas. eh, i'll spill it later...

got in about 40 mins ago... and i'm TIRED. got 4.5 hours of sleep on saturday night and 1.5 hours of sleep last night... there is the plane ride, but that's not really SLEEPING.

i hate having to work. had to show up because my boss is going to be gone to japan all this next week. yay. i'll get quality blogtime. man, gotta put my spin on things before jules gets around to blogging it all. hehehe... maybe i'll post pics, too... if they're PG enough.

and i have to go to a business dinner and cocktails (huh huh cock) later tonight. i'm already hurtin'. and i don't know if i can actually drink tonight.

N'awlins!

so, i'm really excited to be going to new orleans... it'll be jules and one of steve's friends joining us...

besides going to voodoo music fest, i wanna go to Pat O'Brien's for hurricanes...


this is the magnum hurricane. it holds 3 gallons of hurricane. 3 gallons. i am not sure if the 4 of us could finish one... oh, who am i kidding? we've got steve! and if i haven't mentioned before, steve has a hollow leg. he can drink anyone under the table.

i also want to go to cafe du monde for beignets. mmm... powdered sugar fried goodness.



and last but not least...


muffalettas... had it once at the farmer's market in LA. i love that place...

at any rate, just look at it... i don't think i can get my mouth around it...

that sounded dirty. so do muffalettas...

nina mentioned we should check out the french open air market and a couple of places around there... so hopefully, if we're not completely obliterated, we can go check that out.

and jules is going to get us beads. she just doesn't know it yet. woohoo! it's going to be fun. i'm not sure if we'll be taking lots of pictures. i don't want to be responsible for our camera there. maybe we should take a crappy camera. hrm...

unfortunately, i have to work right now. i was hoping to leave early so i could at least be home when jules is home... stupid work. it's interfering with my blogging and my fucking around in general. *sigh* i may still leave early. just not as early as i thought i'd be leaving. damnitall.

hopefully next week i'll be back to reading blogs and such... do they think i work here or something? *grumble*

Napoleon Dynamite

this has got to be one of the funniest movies ever. charming in an almost obscenely awkward way...

there are many times that i've felt like a social outcast and i just felt like i could relate to this flick. okay, maybe not totally...

good god... i think there's a pee stain from when i was laughing so hard... hehe...

okay, i don't wanna hype it up too much...

don't you hate it when people do that? that's how i felt about My Big Fat Greek Wedding. everyone was telling me how fucking great and funny it was. yeah. i think i might've laughed 3 times the whole damned movie. fuckers.

gross...

i did something gross this morning.

i popped 2 zits. what's up with these chin zits, anyway? i never got chin zits. they were usually localized on my forehead.

gross.

anyway, it was kind of fun. i know you're not supposed to pop zits and all, but i can't help myself. i just have to do it.

my senior year of high school, my boyfriend would get pimples on his back sometimes. even on his arms. disgusting little creature. anyway, i would always try to pop them and he would never let me. actually, i take that back. he did let me pop them once. he was more grossed out than i was.

i'm like those monkeys you see on the discovery channel. i like to groom people. even if it's gross. i don't know why. it's just fun for some reason.

the zits that hurt the most are the ones you can't really see, but they're deep under the surface and they're HUGE. like, half an inch in diameter. and they are unpoppable. i mean, god knows i tried.

skanks at the gym...

what is up with those girls at the gym?

i don't give a fuck what you wear, but at least WORK OUT.

i work out near a university, but there is never really any eye candy there. it's mostly older people hoping that there will be eye candy at the gym near the university. i'm sure the good looking kids get creeped out and find a new gym to go to.

at any rate, last night, i was there, trying to get back on track. about 10 minutes before i'm going to leave, i see this girl. she's .... young. i don't know how old. i'm guessing 18ish? i'm really bad at guessing ages.

she's got a nice body. not muscley, but slim enough with nice curves. she's wearing a fairly short top (so anytime she lifts her arms up, her entire torso is showing) and these skintight pants. but they're not like regular spandex. these are made out of thin, thin, thin material. so thin, you can see her cellulite. it's not a whole lot, but it's there and it's obvious.

she gets on that machine that you kneel on and do those dips and pull-ups on. she puts the weight on so heavy that it weighs as much as she does. and does 4 dips. i know this because the machine i was on was facing her ass.

she'd do one dip, stop, look around, make eye contact with someone and stare at them and smile. do another one, stop, look around, make eye contact, smile... all 4 times. she got off the machine and just stood there.

then this older guy (not for me, but for her) just stared at her. she smiled, bent over for him and started stretching and was looking back at him and smiling... and he wasn't even cute. good god.

i started thinking maybe there was a hidden camera somewhere... or maybe she's practicing to become a stripper or something. or maybe they were dating and they were doing that thing like they were pretending like they didn't know each other.

i don't know. at any rate, i hate it when girls go to the gym and they don't sweat. they get on a bike for 5 minutes and go 55rpm. go to a machine, do 4 reps. and just stand there... why go? go to a bar and pick up on guys. don't stand there when i'm trying to use the machine and then tell me, "oh, i'm using this," because a buff college guy is on the next machine.

alternately, i hate it when guys go to the gym and stare at you. that's just creepy.

Asian Actors

some of my favorite asian actors. and if they happened to be in my bed, i sure as hell wouldn't kick them out :P (and yes, there are a few ladies in here that i wouldn't kick out of bed, either.)

(in absolutely no order whatsoever)

Ekin Cheng

the first asian man i ever thought was attractive. i mean, really attractive. *drool*

Jung Jae Lee

not the most flattering pic, but just watch him in a movie. *swoon*

Takeshi Kaneshiro

my new boyfriend.

Tony Leung

not as fresh faced as some of the other ones, but still hot, nonetheless.

Andy Lau

and he sings, too. hehehe...

Nicolas Tse

Hong Kong's bad boy. apparently. i will be more than happy to punish him, though :P

Stephen Fung


Ji Tae Yoo

wtf is thursday island? i don't know. but anyway, he's a hottie. especially in oldboy.

Shu Qi (or is it Qi Shu? whatever.)

this is really steve's girlfriend, but i wouldn't mind having a piece of her :P i didn't really care for her much until i saw her in So Close. she rocked my world in that flick.

Zhang Ziyi


and last but not least, the most beautiful woman in the world:
Maggie Cheung


what's with the teeny bopper moments today? it must be the prepubescent zits on my face that are doing it. fuck, that sucks!

House of Flying Daggers

we watched House of Flying Daggers last night. it is so beautiful. great story. beautiful imagery. i never thought much of zhang ziyi. i mean, yeah, she's pretty and all, but i never thought much of her as an actress. she really proved herself here...

i can't do this movie justice by what i write... so read this review. it's a lot better than mine. (thanks, kurt! hope you don't mind.)

the next post i write is going to be my favorite asian actors. i *heart* takeshi kaneshiro. he's my new boyfriend. *drool*

what am i, 14 again???

i'm breaking out... what in the fuck?

stupid puberty.

cooking class

yesterday was my first cooking class (first in a series of three).

i had a lot of fun. i didn't actually cook, but i learned a lot... cooking takes so much creativity... creativity that i'm lacking. uuuffff.

sonofa....

at any rate, learned how to make:
parsnip and leek soup with (homemade) croutons
barley and wild rice
chicken stuffed with... stuffing... shit. what was it??? damn. i forgot already.
and apple pie with this crumb topping. and pecans... i nearly had an orgasm.

i'm going to have to try these recipes out... i hope i don't fuck them up. poor steve. always the guinea pig.



oh! the stuffing was portobello (portabella?) mushroom, pancetta, and parmesan cheese.

Coffee and Cigarettes *EDIT*

jim jarmusch. what a great director. this has got to be one of the better flicks i've seen in a long time.

coffee and cigarettes is a compilation of short stories. the characters get together over coffee... and well, cigarettes... yeah. anyway...

tom waits and iggy pop are just genius.

"it's okay to start smoking again once you've quit because, well... you've quit!"

i also like cate blanchett a lot. she plays 2 cousins. one is punk rock and the other is a smug actress....

the gza, rza, bill murray skit is great, as well.

there are some recurring themes in the flick... how coffee and cigarettes make unhealthy meals, nikola tesla, making caffeine pops out of frozen coffee and popsicle sticks... it's all shot in black and white, but each short story is distinct.. they all have a familiar, yet different feel... it's just gorgeous.

at any rate, i thought this flick was fantastic.

*steve just emailed me this interesting little tidbit: did you realize that coffee and cigarettes was compiled over like the last two decades? that was the most amazing part about it for me, that he made it feel like such a complete whole with recurring themes even though it was so long in the making. like the cinque & joie lee & buscemi segment, that was done around the time of mystery train ('89), benigni and wright was '86, iggy and tom '93, etc.*

things i *heart* today

in alphabetical order... because i'm anal that way...

BUNNY.

this is a recent pic of the bunny buns. this is her favorite perch. a pot filled with dirt. silly bunny.

CHOCO-PIE.

mmmm.... choco-pie. do other people besides korean people eat these???

DJs.

above is sander kleinenberg. i think he is beautiful. especially for a DJ... everyone knows that DJs are notoriously ugly.

PAJAMAS.

the new bijou PJ's steve got me. damn. i love the ham-ham's. yes, i realize i've hit my late 20's, but i had to have these.

TEA.

Green and brown rice tea. (well, i love that every day.)

SLACKER

we got into the office today around 10:30 this morning. and i've done nothing for 30 minutes.

maybe i should clear out my email inbox. hrm...

nah. i'm going to go get tea first.

woke up at 5:55AM to go to the gym. steve couldn't sleep last night, so he was in the other bedroom. i guess he might've gotten a little bit of sleep. i went in there to wake him up and he was really tired... so i lay in bed next to him and i fell asleep again. what the hell? so we ended up going to the gym late... and by the time we were all showered and ready to go, it was about 10AM. dayam. that's late.


so, this morning after i crawled into bed, i had a nightmare about zombies. people were getting bitten by zombies and before they turned, we were supposed to submerge them (oh, and their eyes had to be covered) into this pond of salt water (which by the way, looked really murky). at any rate, we had these 2 people and we've got them in the water, but the girl in the pink sweater kept on opening her eyes and we were freaking out because we thought we got to her too late.

it was never clear if the people died after submersion or if they were cured...

before i woke up the first time, i had another dream about Psycho tracking me down. that miserable fuck.

why are my good dreams never this vivid? and the good sex dreams? you can just forget about it. i never remember them. but nightmares? i remember the colors of the shirts the people are wearing, the expressions on their faces... just about everything.

damn.

and you'd think i'd have good dreams since steve pretty much rocked my damn world last night. double digits, baby. hehehe. okay. sorry. no details. jules will gross out. hehehe. and lord knows a copy of this post doesn't need to make it back to my parents somehow. they don't need to know we're having sex. sure we're married, but sex is for procreation only. :P

when the cat's away...

and my boss is going to be gone all week starting tomorrow.

although i love my boss... i still love it when he's gone.



i took that damned muppet quiz after reading Mel Mega's post... and i came up as rizzo the rat. what's up with that? who the hell is rizzo the rat? damn them.

i can't even find any good pics of him on google images. stupid quizilla's not working right now, so i can't get that image. damn.

they did get me right on the money, though... it had a LOT to do with food.... and lord only knows how obsessed i am with food.


jules is coming down this weekend so we can party in new orleans. i'm so excited. i hope i don't get sick before then. i'm feeling a little... under the weather :( i'm probably just tired.

she's going to get us beads. yay! :D she doesn't know it yet, though.


is it time to go home yet? damn. feels like it should be wednesday at least.

last post about the weekend...

so, last night, we get home approx. 8:30pm.

and steve made us dinner :) and cleaned... and it was the best dinner i ever had... he even made rice because he knows how the korean people need their rice :P and he put water chestnuts in the soup because he knows how i love the water chestnuts... and he cut up fruit because my parents have to eat fruit with every meal.

and it was so good and tasty... and it was so considerate of him... and my mom was so excited... it was cute. i almost cried....

i'm going to find out how many licks it takes to get to the middle of a steve pop tonight :P

sunday

there were 120+ people in that seminar. the facilitator, moved us all to one side of the room.

"you have to get to the other side of the room. but you can not do it in the same way as anyone else before you. okay, i'll go first."

and he walks across the room. the next person ran, the next person skipped, the next person cartwheeled, etc etc etc. about 80 people or so went before he picked me to go. everything i was going to do, was done.

i ended up doing somersaults the whole way across... i thought i was going to puke, i was so dizzy. that sucked ass. my mom flew like an airplane. she's so cute. and my dad? hopped on one leg... poor guy. he practically fell over. one grandma ended up hurting herself. hit her head on the floor when she fell. poor thing.

the point of that exercise was basically, don't dwell on the how-to's. if you want something bad enough, you'll figure out a way to do it. you'll get creative.

another exercise was, we got broken up into 5 groups. we were supposed to sing "the impossible dream" a cappella. and act at the same time. each group got a different scenario.

ours was the cast of the wizard of oz. most of us were munchkins.
another was south central LA (which was great. imagine a bunch of aging moms and dads... acting like thugs. hehehe... not good.)
3rd was sesame street
4th was the opera and ballet (the guys were the ballerinas. what's the masculine form of ballerina? ballerino? heh) and the women were the opera singers
5th was the kids on the first day at the schools. that was great. all these moms with their shirts tucked under their bras with drawn on tats around their belly buttons, dads getting up in each other's faces pushing each other... all of them were yelling "SHUT THE FUCK UP" to the lone guy singing... it was comedy. not a pretty site, lemme tell ya.

anyway, i'm actually kind of glad i went. not to sound hokey or anything, but i think that it was an eye-opening experience for me. strange, but good in a way. not good enough to make me want to go to the next seminar my parents have to go to. but, good nonetheless.

and at least i don't hate my brother anymore. we all let him down a lot. he's just weaker than my sister or me. and he loved us so much that when we promised him something and we didn't do it, he was disappointed more. he needed stability and consistency more than we did...

and i feel terrible that i let him down. when he was about 11 or 12... he told me that he looked up to me so much. i was his idol ... i was like god to him. how differently he perceives me now.

so, although... oh, i don't know. what am i trying to say??? i always knew he was weak. but i never really thought about it. i didn't see how the behavior of my parents... or my behavior could so affect him. i thought love was all he needed. because he got a lot of it... and i was wrong.

we were counting up the times we moved around... i moved 15 times until now. 15 that i remember. since i was about 2. 16 when you include the move from korea to the US. and my dad said there were some before that first place i remember.

with that kind of instability, my bro needed consistency from my parents. and he wasn't getting it. so even though his stupid friends may not love him... they were there for him. sure they might've been calling him to find drugs... but at least they were calling him consistently. heh :P

i still think he's a little jerk. but now i know... i contributed to this whole mess...

thank god it's all over. now i can go back to being my normal cynical, bitchy self. phew.

saturday

so, the second day, we did some several exercises.

one was called THE RELEASE PROCESS. they turn down the lights almost completely. you're supposed to visualize an album of you. and each page you go back is a year back in your life. so it's just an album of collages and people in your life, etc etc etc.

and you do the same with your mom and dad (i'm skipping a lot because it would take too long to explain...). one at a time, you imagine your dad's album first and then your mom's. with both, you're supposed to find the "chapter" with the pics that have the most painful memories of your mom or dad and rip it out of the book. then you "put it" on the chair. and then you beat the hell out of it. and then you "sweep" it away. man, people were just beating the shit out of their chairs. it was unbelievable. pounding and screaming and crying...

and then you're supposed to imagine your mom or dad in front of you. and then you imagine what you would say to them if this was the last time you could ever talk to them. all around me... almost every person i could hear was saying "mommy, i love you..." "daddy, i love you..." and one person... very clearly... i heard "i HATE you"... and then for mom, it was i FUCKING HATE YOU! these people have some serious mommy and daddy ish. it was amazing.

i tried really hard, but couldn't think about issues i had with my mom and dad. they are annoying, sure, but i was never really truly hurt or abandoned by them. so i don't think i got too much out of that whole exercise. more than anything, i felt lucky.

there was this other activity. we got into 2 circles, one inside the other. we faced each other. we had to look at the person in front of us and vote with our fingers 1, 2, 3, or 4. (we couldn't talk to them.) one finger meant, i don't want to have anything to do with you. i don't even want to look at you. 2 fingers meant, i just want to make eye contact with you. 3 fingers, i want to shake your hand and make eye contact. 4 fingers, i want to give you a (non-sexual, non-grinding) hug.

of course, i'm right in front of my dad... and he's fucking around as usual. i put up 4, he puts up 1. so i said FINE. and ignored him. and he's like, trying to put up his 4 fingers to hug me and i told him FORGET IT. stop joking around! jeezus. it's not that i was taking it all seriously and shit, but i knew that all of these people there... they really had a lot of pain in their lives.... and all they want is some attention. this is really serious for them. and i didn't want to take it lightly. normally i don't care about people if i don't know them. but... i guess i just felt like, these people all had so much pain... and we had something in common with a loved one in that school program. anyway, after a long hug, both circles are supposed to step to the left. and that signifies a whole new experience with a whole new person.

at any rate, later i saw this guy... the first thing i thought was, "oh hell no. i ain't huggin' this man." he looked... shady, to say the least. and then we had to make eye contact. i grew up learning that eye contact was rude. so this exercise was pretty damned difficult for me.

anyway, i stared at him for 10-15 seconds... which really felt like it was a longer time than that. and as i stared into his eyes... they looked just like my friend's. so, we both voted 4 and hugged. now, we're not supposed to talk, but when he hugged me, he started sobbing. and he said, "oh thank you. i thought you didn't want to hug me."...

now that's some neediness. good god. these people all just want approval. it's weird.

after a while, i just started voting 4 for everyone. because it's easier for me to hug someone than to make eye contact. might sound weird... but it's true. it was bad enough i had to stare at them for 10-15 seconds... i couldn't take making eye contact for any longer. i hugged 20+ strangers that night.

all these people are rich... successful... with the exception of only a few, money is no object. and they need so much love. it's really, really sad. i've never seen such a large group of pathetic, needy people in my life...

so, again, saturday went until midnight. i think they break through your defenses by keeping you tired. there were moments when i cried... when i know i would normally not cry. it was mostly because i was tired and sore... i had a hard time keeping my own thoughts whole. i was kinda just going along with everything because i was too tired to think. it was really weird.

anyway, these kids in the program go through a very similar process. i think something like this may break my brother. not completely, but he might think a little bit more about things... i hope. i really do.

i gotta get me a job at wendy's. hot damn!

i wish my job gave me on the job training like this.

poop in my eye...

went to lunch... on the way to our usual shady spot, we took the usual route. steve was driving. we drove by a strawberry field... it was getting watered.

as we drove by it, some water spurted (huh huh. spurted) into the one-inch crack (huh huh crack) the window was open and landed right in my eye. what the fuck is that? how the hell does that happen?

they water those plants with that poopy sewage water. GREAT.

thought my eye would flush itself out. nope. it starts burning. so i try with eyedrops. it feels better. until i wake up from my nap.

i have poop in my eye. gross. and eyedrops aren't helping anymore. i just tried to put more in.

it's not red, though. i hope i don't get some fucked up eye infection 'cause that would just be nasty.

i'm baaaack :D

so, what'd i miss??? :)

i'm so tired... i think my weekend will have to be broken up into different posts.... 3 FULL days of... well, crap. no, it wasn't that bad. well, parts definitely were.

i'm actually kind of glad i went. what the fuck happened to me????

friday morning, we left at the butt crack of dawn. got down to san diego. registered. it was a little chaotic... and at 9AM, the fun began.

the facilitator. what can i say about him... he talks way too much. WAY too much. i can't understand how one person could possibly stand up there and talk... for 15 hours. well, it was about there. including breaks and breakout sessions, it was probably closer to 12-13. just whispering translations in my dad's ear was enough to make my throat hoarse. and he would always say, "get it????" in that loud booming voice of his.

my legs were S-O-R-E from sitting in one spot. i could barely walk up stairs by the end of the night. it brought to mind something my mom had told me about one of the tortures the japanese would inflict on the koreans... they'd put them standing in a box. kinda like a closet. or a coffin. and would leave them there for hours. so when they'd get out, their bodies would be sore... and then i think they beat the shit out of them. something like that... there's another torture my mom told me about ... the korean person would be in a small box squatting or whatever. i'm not sure. not a whole lot of room in that box. there would be big knives stuck into the box, not touching the person in the box. and the japanese would walk by and kick the box... so the guy would probably end up dying a very slow death by stabbing. eep. that would suck.

but i digress. i think it was about 8PM when i felt like i might jump up out of my seat and run around the room screaming and yelling. i felt so cooped up. every part of my body hurt. especially my ass and my back. they were NUMB.

the facilitator is a control freak. oh, and pompous. i still haven't changed my opinion of him. even after 3 days. just reinforced my first day snap judgement of him.

the first day, this filipino lady latched onto me. it was... annoying, to say the very least. i can see why her daughter would hate her. she was STUPID. and slow. and NEEDY. the neediest person i've met in a long time. she had met 2 other filipino ladies who from the same family. one woman was okay. but the other lady? holy mother of god.

i'm surprised i'm here and not in jail for killing her.

she was just bragging about her stupid daughter. i can see why her daughter would hate her. she would ask us a question about chris and then say how her daughter was better.

she sent her daughter to the program because she skipped a few classes and she assumed that it would lead to drug usage and sex. wtf? that's just not right. unless she just didn't want to tell us what was really going on so she could maintain her air of superiority. whore.

some snippets:
"oh, he's only on level one? my daughter's been there only a few months and she's already up to level 3!"
"she never did drugs. she just missed a few classes so i put her in there. i wanted to take care of the problem before she got into trouble." (WTF?)
"$4000/month means nothing to me." (btw, she was the stingiest person i've ever seen. didn't leave a tip for the waiter. ordered herself and her cousin soup ONLY. didn't even let her cousin order for herself.)
"we made so much money off the sale of our house, so we're in the process of buying a brand new house in C____."

and it goes on. after being in this program, i really should be saying, she must have a lot of hurt and she is trying to hide it behind her image (whatever that image might be...)... but fuck it. i say, fuck her. i was so happy when the facilitator said, "don't take too much stock in levels and points. the kids will fluctuate until they get to level 4. once they've been level 4 for a while, they're pretty stable." i hope her daughter gets knocked back down to level 1. bitch.

i've never seen anyone cry to Mike and the Mechanics before... you know that song... "The Living Years"... or "In the Living Years?" whatever. anyway, they were bawling like babies. it was pretty unbelievable.

what else? what else... had to do this exercise. walk around the room, look at someone in the eye and make a snap judgement about them. and tell them one of 4 things.
"i trust you."
"i don't trust you."
"i'm not sure i trust you."
"i don't care to say."

which is bullshit because i'm not sure i trust you and i don't care to say are all really i don't trust you. just cop outs... they both sound less harsh than i don't trust you.

old military grandpa walked through a bunch of people to tell me, "i don't trust you." i was just floored. he walked by a bunch of people to tell me that. and for some reason, i actually let that get to me. i have no idea why.... turns out, he fought in some wars. pretty much hates asians. great. his wife told me that. i love these people! heh. still didn't make me feel better knowing why he did that. i felt like he did it just to try to hurt my feelings. it was bizarre. it seriously took me all 3 days to be able to look at him and not hate him. that's what tiredness will do to me, i guess... give me feelings or something.

i just told everyone that i trusted them. people were getting really hurt when i told them i didn't trust them. and i didn't stop because i was hurting their feelings. i stopped telling them i didn't trust them because i was tired of them asking me, "why???" so i either told them i trusted them, or i didn't make eye contact.

by the end of the first day, i was just about ready to call steve and beg him to pick me up. we were done with the first day at midnight. oh, AND we had homework. and it sucked ass. and we had to write a journal of our first day. that was filled with lots of cursing. and i called the facilitator a schmuck, a prick, a blowhard, self-righteous, pompous asshole, inconsiderate, dick, fucktard, fucker, fucking asshole... and the list goes on and on...

all the days ran together... i can't believe it was only 3 days... *YAWN*

lunchtime entertainment

at lunch today, we watched LOST. am i the only person obsessed with this show?

okay, i don't know about obsessed, but i really like it. a lot.

are they allowed to be that graphic on network television now? i had no idea. i haven't watched a show (that wasn't queer eye or the simpsons or survivor) in so long that i didn't know you could curse, too.

what the hell? wow. good thing they weren't cursing when i was a kid watching tv. my cursing would be so bad! who am i kidding? it probably couldn't be any worse than it is now.

at any rate, lost is a good show. okay, the plot is a little trite. fine, i'll be honest. i just want to make out with matthew fox. is that so wrong? he can give me mouth to mouth any day of the damned week. *rawr*

they have this korean couple on there. that guy can not speak korean for shit. his accent is SO bad. i can't even understand him. i have to read the subtitles. couldn't they get a real korean guy? damn.

they have the stereotypical roles... hot girl, hot guy, asian family, black family, dog, crazy old white man, overweight comic relief, ooh. and one of the hobbits is in it. but he's normal height.

anyway, i don't care what anyone says. i like the show. just enjoy it. don't try to analyze it too much. kinda like a hong kong flick.

nervous breakdown

i think i have issues...

i'm all fucking stressed out. i think i'm going to have a nervous breakdown... while i'm sitting here at work, in my uncomfortable, ergonomically incorrect chair.

i've been trying my best not to let it all get to me, but all of a sudden, when i realized i forgot to do something yesterday, it just hit me.

can't ever remember to do my own shit. it's always for other people. so when i do want to do something for myself, my brain doesn't have enough room to remember to do it.

so, what? it's inconsequential. it's stupid. not necessary at all. but i still wanted to do it. and i forgot. yeah, it's my own damned fault. that's what i get for always taking care of other people, i guess.

stupid guilty korean daughter syndrome.

*sigh*

it just sucks. i really feel like i'm going to cry. you know when you get that feeling in your head. feels like a pounding, but at the same time you feel lightheaded. and you're feeling choked up. and you don't want anyone to talk to you because you're afraid of crying... and your eyes are watering. and your mascara's threatening to run down your face. your face turns just a tad red. which makes all the people at work ask, "what's wrong? are you okay?" and your voice is all shaky... and you smile and say, "yeah. i'm fine." and you laugh a little to prove to them that you're okay. and they walk away with that look on their face like, "yeah right." and you know they're just going back to their cubicle to gossip about what you might be upset about.

no? you don't know that feeling? well, then, fuck you.

i feel like shit right now. i have a cold. and a headache. i am stressed out about spending 3 full days with the 'rents. i'm pissed that i'm losing my mind. i have all of these presentations and spreadsheets to do today since i'm going to be out tomorrow. my workstation is STILL not fixed... this monitor is killing my eyes. this keyboard is killing my wrists. my arm muscles have started twitching. this chair is making me slouch more than i already do.

why is this so fucking difficult????

we need to win the fucking lottery or something. i'm sure someone won already last night. they always do. rat bastards.

and you know, my parents are always depending on me. i can't tell them to fuck off. well, i could. but then i'd feel bad and kiss their ass, etc, etc, etc... is it so wrong to just wanna live my own damned life? i have my own family to take care of now. it's not always about them. and it's not that they're really selfish people. it's just that for some reason, they think they need me. and i don't believe they do. they're just used to having me around.

i should've been born a boy. i've always said that i've always had all the responsibilities of being a firstborn son and none of the benefits. and it's so true.

right now, i feel like standing on my chair, which would of course, be a bad idea because my chair has wheels... and screaming at the top of my lungs... which would also be a bad idea because i have a sore throat. i don't know what i'd scream. maybe something about monkey balls.

what's with my fascination with monkeys? they are cute... unless they're hurling feces at you.

i still want to cry. but then my face would be all puffy and the old hags here would gossip for sure. i really need that right now. old gossipy yentes.

i think i need some time off of work. like a month. go on stress leave or something. steve had an employee (was it someone who worked for him? or someone else? whatever.) once who was gone for weeks and weeks on stress leave. i need to work that out.

i feel like i can't deal with seeing these people anymore. day in and day out. i spend more time with these fools than people i actually care about.

maybe that's why i love the blog so much. i can't deal with people anymore. the screen just seems so much friendlier. not judgemental... won't talk shit about me behind my back. won't ask me to do anything that relates to my brother. will send me a reminder when i need to do something... if only i could remember to set reminders for myself. fuck.

Super Size Me

we watched Super Size Me last night. it was pretty entertaining. good use of music and some cool graphics and such.

it's put me off fast food forever. okay, not forever, but at least a while...

when i went to NY, we ate out for every meal (not just fast food) and i gained 3 pounds. over 2 days. that just ain't right.

so no more eating out for me. okay. for a while. heh.

the funniest thing about the whole thing was his girlfriend's a vegan chef. she was pretty unhappy about the whole experiment. especially when his health started to really become affected by it.

but, damn. i'm watching that movie... and i really started craving french fries. bastards. so i settled for cheese and crackers. and as i'm eating the cheese, some guy is talking about how cheese can be addictive or something like that... i'm in mid-bite and steve's all, "uh-huh" and looking at me.

damn them. it was really good, though. i love pepperjack cheese.

Grapple

it looks like an apple, but tastes like a grape.

it's pronounced Grape-L.

saw it at the supermarket last night. i really wanted to buy them, but they come in packs of four for $3.99. and i only had $1.73 in my wallet. (i was just there to buy tofu... which i don't normally do at ralph's, but the korean market was too far away.)

and i didn't want to spend $1/grapple.

i wish they sold them individually. guess i'll never know the excitement of biting into an apple and tasting grape.

or, i could just buy an apple and some grapes, and eat the grapes while staring at the apple...

i mean, who hates apples, anyway? is the taste of an apple so bad that they had to modify it so that it would taste like a grape? and does it really taste like a grape? damn. i knew i should've busted out the ATM card for those...

just because they CAN do it doesn't mean they SHOULD.

but i still want to try one.

what in the fuck?

got this from headcandy's site...

you've got to be fucking kidding me...

run, michael, run!

I get no respect...

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped, and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"My wife, let me tell you about my wife. She wants to have sex in the back seat of the car, but she wants me to drive."

"My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."



RIP, Rodney Dangerfield.

what the...?

sign me up! i mean, sign steve up :P

is this for real? i don't remember getting this issue in Time mag. i swear we get Time mag every week, too...

my parents had mentioned this to me, but i wasn't sure. they saw it in the korean newspaper. i can never believe those...

i can't find that mag cover on the Web. well, i didn't really try very hard, but still...

if this is real and he has the baby, they're going to end up ripping apart his insides...

i've gotta find out if this is real... stop fucking with my head!!!

bird shit

there's this fairly big ass pile of bird shit on our way to the garage. it's huge. it's like, 5 inches in diameter and maybe an inch high now.

what the hell? does that fucking bird never move from that spot? and i never see a bird there. it's probably one of those big ass crows. i hate them. sometimes they sit atop our chimney and scratch at it. and you can hear it echoing in the chimney. it's creepy. i swear they're coming to get us.

it's so damned nasty. i hate bird shit.

in high school once, a damned seagull shat in my hair and it dribbled down onto my backpack. it was so nasty. i didn't even know. i think i was sitting in biology class when the boy behind me, bobby, touched my hair and said, "what's that in your hair? paint?" i glanced at it and i couldn't figure it out until i looked down at my backpack. yup, white seagull shit.

i just mumbled, "uhm, yeah." and turned back around quickly. i was so mortified. i skipped the next class to run up to my dorm to take a shower.

fucking seagulls. to this day, i'm paranoid whenever i see a group of birds. in venice, in san marcos square (i think that's the name of it) there are a shitload of pigeons. people take pictures with them... oh, damn. i'm going to have to find one to post....



okay. so there it is. yeah. they put bird feed or something in their hands, and as the pigeons swarm all over them, they're supposed to kiss.

uh... NO. i don't see how that's supposed to be romantic. first of all, they're pigeons. pigeons are rats with wings. much like seagulls. second of all, you know one of them is going to shit on you. there's no way that you can have 50 birds (trust me, there were more coming) and not have any let one loose on you.

and bird shit's all gross and wet.

so i have issues. i can't help that i watched The Birds at an early age.



my parents were afraid i'd get lonely, so they got me parakeets. damn, they are annoying. they just chirp and cheep all friggin' day and night long. i liked them. until they shat on me, too. i hate birds.

last night's dream

it's been a while since i posted anything about my stupid ass dreams....

after reading quyen's blog, i thought i'd write something, too. also, the blade in her dream, reminded me of my dream... and yeah, i'm a copycat. bite me.

i was in this house with someone. i don't remember who it is anymore. i guess we weren't supposed to be in there. we were alone at first and then it was filled with yakuza... like the crazy 88s in Kill Bill. we're hiding in the bathroom. the weird thing is, we could see out of the bathroom door, but they couldn't see in. we're leaning against the door and this girl comes upstairs and wants to use the bathroom. she's knocking on the door, and i answer in japanese that it's occupied. except it was korean. but she thought it was japanese. wtf?

she keeps on knocking and we realize that she's not leaving and we're going to get caught in there. so, we run out of the bathroom, knock her out and just run for it. we're on the second floor and we jump out of the window, and we end up in the pool. i don't know how to swim, but the pool was really narrow. the width is my arm span, just about. i just need to kick off the wall to reach the other side, but there's a current, so i get pushed back to the wrong side of the wall. which really shouldn't have mattered. i should've just gotten out of the pool and jumped across or ran around.

at any rate, i tried again and got to the other side. we look back and all the gangsters are starting to run after us. i see them jumping out of the windows. there are a lot of them. they all have swords. we start running for it. we're jumping over fences and barbed wire and trying to get away from them, but our wet clothes are slowing us down.

and then the bunny started her art project (tearing apart our screen door) and woke me up because it's so loud and annoying. which is good. i don't think that dream would've ended well.

is it only tuesday?

it feels like it should be friday. oh crap. i forgot i'm not at work this friday. this might be the first time in my entire life that i'd rather be at work. how effed up is that???

and why does my pee still smell like asparagus pee? i didn't eat that much asparagus last night. i probably had 6 little stalks. maybe 16 hours ago. what the hell??? it's so gross... and someone walked into the stall right after i did. hah! serves them right. just because i hate everyone at work.

actually, i don't think i've ever seen this woman before. i swear, every day i see someone new... and they've been here longer than i have. and i've been here for almost 4 years. holy crap. i need a new job.

except when steve sends me new job listings and such, i never apply... i just can't leave my boss. i know, it sounds stupid. i can't help it. i don't have the heart or the nerve to tell him i'm leaving. but, the day i hear he's leaving, i'm gone. i could not stand this place without him.

i was reading the paper at lunch. at the end of the calendar section in the LA Times, there's a section for kids. kids are so stupid. they have this joke section that kids send in. every day i look at it and i say, "kids are so fucking stupid. these jokes aren't even funny!" and "damn, if we have kids, we're not sending in jokes for the kids. i don't care how funny they think they are." steve just lets it go with a "yes, dear."

today's joke was something about what do witches request at a hotel or something stupid like that. and the answer was: a broom with a view.

bah dum bum... ching!

yeah. i hated that joke today. i guess i don't have to read the crappy joke section. but i can't help it. it's like a train wreck. i just have to look. glutton for punishment, i guess.

NZ, AU, here we come...

steve is starting to plan our upcoming trip to new zealand and australia. yay!

i'm not a planner. we'd probably end up without hotel rooms and no rental car and i'd just want to wing it... so it's a good thing he's doing the planning. like he does for every trip. :D hehe.

i can't wait. at little over a month and we'll have another spring/summer... i'm spoiled.

we're flying into new zealand, then going to sydney and driving down to melbourne and flying home from there.

now i can't concentrate on work again. shit.

*i heart steve*

fish good, cream bad

went to a business dinner last night. seafood. had me some good wine, good appetizers, good mahi mahi...

and this really great dessert. some sort of white cake with rum and lots and lots of cream. it was so tasty. except i'm lactose intolerant. i didn't think i had that much of the cream, but now that i think about it, i did. there was just SO much cream all over the cake and extra on the side. and i'm such a glutton, i ate damn near the whole thing.

on my way to the car, i started feeling a little sick. just a little. then i started feeling the urge to spit... which is never a good thing. by the time i got to my car, i had to throw up. but just a little bit. of course because of the white cream, it came up as white chunks right next to my car. white chunks on black asphalt is never good.

i hope no one saw it on the way to their car. eep.

Monkey

so, here she is... the little Monkey.
these are really old pics of her.

the first is probably a week or two after we got her. to put it in perspective, that bowl she's eating out of is probably 2.5 inches in diameter. she used to be so damned cute! :D



this pic is when she's a few months old...


i really need to get new pics of her...

also, these are from my camera phone, so the resolution isn't exactly the best. we'll have to take pics soon...

it's getting hot in huuuurrrrrrr....

holy shit... it's so effin' hot in here. i think the circulation system must be down. it's hot and stuffy. i feel like i'm going to throw up. i swear it's either freezing cold in here or hot as hell.

i think i may suffocate and die.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

i'm always late jumping onto the bandwagon because i don't watch tv and hardly ever listen to the radio.

a while back, steve acquired a copy of The Killers' Hot Fuss. i am just now listening to it. actually, he was sending a cd along with me to give his friend that works by me... and i copied it first. heh. at any rate, it's okay. i don't hate it. i don't love it, either. i feel the same way about The Killers that i do about Franz Ferdinand.

though i might like Franz Ferdinand better because of the "THE" in the name. i'm kind of annoyed with all the bands that start with the. The Hives, The Killers, The Vines, The White Stripes, The Shins, The Donnas... when does it stop? holy crap.

hey, i've heard this song before... i actually like the other songs more than their single. at any rate, damn them and their catchy, 80s retro music.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

so, we drove up to monterey on saturday. my mom made breakfast, so we stopped by one of the state beaches. there was this really old guy there taking the money for going to the beach. they wanted $8. which would be fine, if we were planning on staying there the whole day or something, but we just wanted a half hour... so after a couple of minutes of flirting with him, he let us go in for free...

sure, he was 95 years old, but i still got it. aw, yeah.

we got there as my aunt was getting out of the hospital, so we met her at her home. she just bought this mobile home... what are they called? manufactured homes? whatever. yeah. it was huge. like, 1700 sq. feet or something. double wides. the way to go. i didn't know they were so nice. it's too bad you have to pay rent on the land.

she had a bunch of tests done. no one knows what's wrong with her. she'll get the test results back sometime this week, supposedly. we'll see...

jules came over to see me at my aunt's... (it was so good to see you, jules! :) thanks for coming!)

the drive up was so much easier than the drive back down. i drove 12 hours on saturday. i was soooo tired. the worst part was 9-11pm. everyone fell asleep... and it was just me and the 101. i was sleepy and irritable.... i got home about midnight.

the next morning, my mom calls me... maybe about 9ish? i can't remember. and she says (in a surprised voice), "oh, you sound tired."

me: uhm... kinda.
mom: oh, really? we're fine...
me: (annoyed, but trying to suppress it) that's good, mom...
mom: how funny, we're not tired at all! you're getting old.
me: okay, mom!

of COURSE, i'm tired. jeezus christ! i drove for 12 hours... more than that including stops. sheesh. my parents got to sleep... at least lie down. sheesh. they drove a total of 3 hours... 1.5 hours to our meeting place and 1.5 hours back. what the hell? my mom drives me insane sometimes.

this weekend i get to spend 3 FULL DAYS with them. i haven't a clue as to how i'm going to survive.

but, when i got home, steve had the whole home cleaned! and vacuumed! and the bathrooms were sparkling! and the dishes were done and the bunny was fed and it was so fabulous! :) i love that man.

the itsy-bitsy spider

that song makes spiders sound all cute and shit.

no. they are NOT cute. they're gross. i fucking HATE spiders. and bugs, too. all of them.

we've got this spider camping out on our balcony. it's the size of my fucking head. okay. it's not. but it's big.... and fat as fuck. every night, he/she/it builds a web and eats other bugs.. which is cool. but... it keeps on building it closer and closer to our front door. it's going to farkin' eat us. i just know it. think lord of the rings... yeah, kinda like that...

*shiver*

steve loves all of god's creatures. okay, most of god's creatures. including this spider. he won't kill it, he won't move it. the spider is effin' disgusting. well, he's going to be sorry when i'm gone one day because IT ATE ME. yeah. that'll show him.

pregnant ladies

what's up with pregnant ladies these days?

why can't they all be fat, bloated, and ginormous... like the good ol' days?

all the prego ladies i've seen in the last couple of years have all been so very slim except for a little basketball in the front. you couldn't even tell they were pregnant unless you see them from a side view.

what the fuck?

now i have no excuse when i turn into a tub of lard when/if we have kids. i'm going to have to look all cute and shit. damn. that was going to be my excuse for why i gained weight.

and all those damned celebrity moms... let me tell you something... THEY ALL HAVE TRAINERS AND CHEFS... and nannies to watch the kids when they go to the gym with their trainer.

i keep telling steve, don't expect me to be like all the other ladies you see because not every pregnancy is the same! why can't just one woman gain 50 or 100 lbs when she's pregnant? that way, he'll believe me???? i keep on telling him that i'm going to be HUGE.

oh, well... he can't say i never warned him.

exhausted now

i just got off the phone with my bro's school... well, actually his counselor... i think they call him the family father or something.

D just told me some interesting news. my brother was having sex with girls. holy crap. he's only 16! okay, sure, i may have been 16 when i lost my virginity, but... it's different. he's my baby brother. albeit a baby brother selling drugs and fucking girls...

oh, gross. i can't believe anyone would want to have sex with him. they must've wanted drugs or something.

gross. i know. it's immature, but the thought is creeping me out. ugh.

i know having sex isn't the worst thing he could've been doing.. hell, he could've been selling drugs. oh wait!!! never mind...

i think i was shocked by it because i wasn't expecting it. i knew about the drugs and stuff, but D caught me off guard with the news on the girls.

anyway, i'm really disturbed by all this... and this call really exhausted me. mostly because i don't want to be involved in this whole thing. i think it's safe to say that as much as i love my parents, i really resent them right about now. i'm not strong enough to carry them through this. and they need me to. it's a lot of stress. it's gotta be harder for them, though.

okay, suck it up.

finally...

the ergonomics guy came back and took that stupid keyboard tray away.

damn. my neck and back were killing me...

on another note, what the fuck? i can't believe it's already october first. i always freak out at the beginning of every month, i guess. it's just that i feel like time's just slipping away from me... and i've nothing to show for it...

i still have to:
clean out my closet and pack stuff up for goodwill.
clean... clean... clean... the bathrooms and such. they're driving me insane.
put up some shelves or something in the garage to organize it better.
clean out the guest room closet. we have so much stuff in there.
organize my CDs. they used to be in alphabetical order. wtf happened?

and i know there are other things... but my weekends are always booked... and i never want to do anything on the weekdays.

i will never be organized, will i?

baby showers

steve has to throw a baby shower for this lady who works for him. hehe. SUCKER!

except, i'm the sucker. i have to decorate ... we have streamers. i haven't a clue as to what i'm supposed to do with streamers. in grade school, we'd hang them twisty ... uhm, is that still the norm? or is that too kindegarten? i don't know.

guess she's getting a kindegarten baby shower. ...

at least we don't have to play games. gifts, cake, and it's over...

maybe i won't stay for it. except i don't want to walk back from his building to mine. it's not that far.... but i just walked it this morning... and my big toe is still numb. i didn't think the heels would bother me as much as they did...

maybe i'll stay for it.

i hate baby showers, bridal showers, wedding showers. why can't we just send a gift and leave it at that. who wants to play stupid games or socialize with people you don't really know?

when i got married i had a bridal shower/bachelorette party. we went to vegas... jules requested that i get lingerie. hot damn!

i got this one, uhm, outfit... that frightens me to think about it. i haven't touched it. i am not sure i ever will... it's made out of like, black pleather or something. except maybe it's not pleather. maybe it's vinyl. i haven't a clue... at any rate, i can't wear it. ... i don't have shoes for it! :P no, seriously. i can't wear it. i'm not a complete prude or anything, but i think the effort to try to put it on just isn't worth it. i mean, it would come off in 2 minutes anyway. :P

and then i got these anal beads. what the... they're purple. and the beads are at least an inch in diameter. not only that, but they're not even graduated. they're all the same size... BIG. yeah. i'm not touching those, either.

i can't find my bachelorette party pics on ofoto anymore. oh well. it's better that way. heehehe. no one needs to see those. eh, they actually looked worse than they really were. (jules, lilly, hyuni, you say anything, i'll delete your comments! hehe) no, really. they weren't that bad.