another trippy ass dream...

steve and i are running away from a few people because we were driving out of some park and we ran through someone's garden... then, we jumped into my car and as we were driving away, we ran over some of their green, green grass with a big old sign that said "KEEP OFF GRASS."

then they really started chasing us...

and steve was driving my car and i looked back and the guy was wielding a baseball bat and he throws it at my car... kinda like a javelin. and i'm watching it come towards the back window in slow mo....

comes through the back window, but when that happens, it turns into steve's car. and i catch the bat before it goes through the front windshield...

and that's all i remember... but it was super vivid when i woke up this morning....

wtf do my dreams mean?

i think i shouldn't watch zombie movies. heh.

d'oh! forgot to post this...


man! what a day!

this day has been far too hectic. my god. i think i set a record for the fewest posts in a day... well, for me, at least...

my voice is kinda hoarse from yelling at people all day. the people i have to deal with have a total of 6 brain cells...

i'm waiting for them to tell my boss i have a foul mouth... and then he will laugh and tell them that he taught me well.

my boss kicks ass.

i think i will learn how to make fried green tomatoes tonight. our tomato plant keeled over and more than half of our tomatoes got taken out... is there anything else you can do with green tomatoes? i dunno...

delirious... hungry... must go home...

my friend johnny introduced me to a word a while back: hangry - so hungry that you get angry with every little thing (or in my case, person).

i am hangry.

where's steve???? waiting for him to email me so we can go home... hrm...

just wanted to post this cool ass picture

my friend johnny, well, he's the coolest.

and ladies, i think he's still single. lemme know if you want to meet him. :)
he has great taste in music and movies... and he's funny as hell. (i was gonna say he's nice, but that's just the kiss of death...)

damn, i should become a professional pimp.

shaun of the dead

so, last night, i drank half of a bottle of wine and i got really, really drunk.

and i wrote this long-ass blog... and then when i tried to publish it, it didn't publish. that's okay, though. it's for the best. i'm sure i just wrote some dumbass shit.

we watched Shaun of the Dead last night. oh, man... i don't know if it was the wine, but what a great movie.... i guess it's based off of Dawn of the Dead, and some other zombie genre movies, which i've never seen, but i may need to now... it'll prolly make SotD even funnier. when steve told me it was a horror comedy, i had no idea what he was talking about... man, steve is the coolest.

things that kicked ass about this movie:

1. zombies. lots and lots of zombies.
2. british humor.
3. lucy davis (from the office, the most brilliant show ever) and look for a cameo from the guy who plays tim... i forgot his name... oh, martin freeman. gawd, i love imdb.
4. a ridiculously happy ending
5. zombie violence

everyone should watch it... everyone, goddamnit. i might have to watch it again. i don't remember nearly enough of it... i think i may need to get cut off from the bar... i hate being a lightweight (cheap date!).

it's so damned hard to find good help these days.

i stayed kind of late last night working on all this bullshit for month-end....

and then i get an email this morning telling me to disregard the file and to please use this new one. which is considerably different from the old file...

so i have to redo everything. and tell my customers to disregard it...

and i look like the fucking idiot who fucked up.

they're not even technically my customers. i don't get paid on this bullshit. i do all the fucking work and the sales guys get paid on it.

it's so goddamned frustrating knowing that these guys get paid at least twice what i do... hell, plus commission, it could be 3 - 4 times more.

ARGH! it's so painful! and i stayed late for effin' nothing!



"I'm very ashamed"~ article on salon.com by jeff horowitz

Another bombshell in the battle over Vietnam service that has been raging in the 2004 presidential race exploded on the Web Friday. In a video originally posted on the Web by a pro-Kerry organization in Austin, Texas, Ben Barnes, a former lieutenant governor of Texas, apologized for his role in getting a young George W. Bush into the Texas Air National Guard while young men who were not from prominent or wealthy families "died in Vietnam."

"Let's talk a minute about John Kerry and George Bush, and I know them both," said Barnes in the video, which was filmed at a gathering of about 200 Kerry supporters in Austin on May 27. "I got a young man named George W. Bush into the Texas National Guard when I was lieutenant governor, and I'm not necessarily proud of that. But I did it. I got a lot of other people in the National Guard because I thought that was what people should do when you're in office, and you help a lot of rich people."

"And I walked to the Vietnam Memorial the other day," Barnes continued, "and I looked at the names of the people that died in Vietnam, and I became more ashamed of myself than I have ever been, because it was the worst thing I ever did, was help a lot of wealthy supporters and a lot of people who had family names of importance get into the National Guard. And I'm very sorry about that, and I'm very ashamed, and I apologize to you as voters of Texas."

Barnes then condemned the Republican attacks on John Kerry's war service: "And I tell you that for the Republicans to jump on John Kerry and say that he is not a patriot after he went to Vietnam and was shot at and fought for our freedom and came back here and protested against the war, he's a flip-flopper, let me tell you: John Kerry is a 100 times better patriot than George Bush or Dick Cheney."

The video of Barnes was filmed by Todd Phelan and Mike Nicholson, organizers of a political group called Austin4Kerry. Phelan is currently an organizer for the Travis County Democrats. The video first appeared on the Austin4Kerry Web site on June 25, but was widely overlooked until Friday. The video also includes a separate interview conducted by the same two filmmakers in which Barnes speaks with admiration about Kerry's valor.

Phelan and Nicholson recall they were surprised by the candor of Barnes' remarks while they were filming him at the rally. "To be honest with you, my eyes lit up instantaneously," Phelan told Salon. "I looked at Mike, he looked at me, and it was like 'Did he just say that?'" But at the time, said Phelan, they did not think the video would create a stir. He suggested that the video suddenly became a Web phenomenon because of the heated swift boat controversy that has been fanned by supporters of Bush.

Barnes' story about Bush and the Air National Guard first broke in 1999 as the then Texas governor was mounting his first campaign for the presidency. Bush insisted at the time that neither he nor his father sought Barnes' assistance. "I can tell you what happened," said Bush. "Nothing happened. My Guard unit was looking for pilots and I flew for the Guard. I'm proud of my service and any allegation that my dad asked for special favors is simply not true ... I didn't ask anybody to help get me to the Guard either."

Barnes said at the time that it was a wealthy Bush family friend, a Houston oilman named Sidney Adger, who came to him with the request to help the younger Bush.

go fug yourself...

this is a pretty funny site... if you like to laugh at famous people...

which i like to do... because i'm jealous that they have tons of money and fabulous lifestyles and they don't fucking appreciate it.

bitches. all bitches.

my brother is so stupid

so, my bro got into a fight... the thought of my brother getting into a fist fight actually makes me laugh because he's such a baby.

and he lost all of his points. all of them. he's back down to zero and he's never going to get out of that school. with the money my parents have to spend at that school, they could've bought a fairly large house somewhere in the mid-west.

i have a bad feeling it's just going to be a waste of money.

i can't wait until he turns 18. asians don't typically kick their kids out of the house, but i hope my parents will... my parents babied him. he's such a brat.

new york state of mind

dj green lantern (self-proclaimed evil genius) put out a mixtape (mix cd?) of the beastie boys... it spans the beastie boys' career... from "License to Ill" to "To the 5 Boroughs."

To sum it up in two words: It RAWKS.

features redman, notorious b.i.g., busta, grandmaster flash...

if you love the beastie boys, you must have this cd. even if you just like the beastie boys, you should have this cd. buy it on his site.


angelina scored me a gmail account! she's the coolest.
she rawks. i salute her.

and i was just telling steve i was going to whore myself out for one!

i'm never deleting another email again!

wooty woot!


man, why can't cool shit like this happen here???

i heart ny.

your place or mine? and dogville

watched 2 flicks this weekend...

your place or mine? is a cute romantic comedy. i wouldn't imagine it would do well as an american movie, but if you like asian movies and asian romantic comedies, you'll probably like this movie... it's cute and quirky... not much to say about it, really... not fabulous, not horrible. enjoyable if you're in the mood for something really light...

dogville ... uhm... i liked it more than i thought i would. it wasn't what i expected. shooting the whole movie in an indoor sound stage, gave me more of a feeling like i was watching a play instead of a movie...

however, it was a little difficult to watch. there are scenes in that movie that drag on for far too long. i mean, we get the point! we understand that nicole kidman's character is being tortured and treated poorly. we get it... move on... i started watching the movie about 1/3 of the way through it... the movie is 3 hours long. the 2 hours i watched, well... 2 hours gives you plenty of time for plenty of abuse. not to say that it's gory at all. it's not. but, man, do you feel bad for her.

at least she got her revenge in the end.

the director is a misogynist. i mean, just the fact that he seems to relish drawing out the abuse inflicted on the (always female) leads in his movies (not that i've seen his other movies)... and how bjork and nicole kidman got the hell away from him once their movies wrapped. and he said in an interview, "This is why I work so often with females. To give up control you have to trust somebody, and it's easier for me to convince females to do this, for some reason."

i don't know. anyway, the movie is disturbing in a way... good in some ways... not good in others. but i thought i would absolutely loathe it... but i didn't. worth a rent or a borrow... i'm glad i didn't see it in the theater. i think most people either love it or hate it... as for me, well, i'm indifferent. i liked it more than i thought i would, but i didn't LOVE it...

it was just a mediocre movie weekend, i guess.


got lynch?

so..... steve woke me up with some news...

there's a motivational seminar tour thingie (i just woke up... give me a minute...) coming to 2 venues near us... (no free advertising for them)... the lineup includes the usual motivational speakers.... you know: zig ziglar, christopher reeve, rudolph giuliani.... etc...

but, wait... there's more! jessica lynch is going to be there!


her topic is "perserverance." mmm, yeah. perserverance.... uhm... she was "rescued from an iraqi hospital" and ... she did diddly squat. wait, she must've done something! oh, that's right! she got captured.

now, i am in no way minimizing the severity of the attack she was in... but it's not like it was a combat mission... and i am in no way dissing the service men and women who are fighting for our country in a war they probably don't believe in ... i support our troops... they shouldn't have to be there at all... and it's not her fault that she was there to begin with...


they are paying her tens of thousands of dollars to talk about..... her survival... that she doesn't fucking remember.

mmm, yeah.

here's an excerpt:

Survival is a Choice.

Private Jessica Lynch astonished the world when she survived the unthinkable and was rescued from Iraqi capture. you will be amazed as she share the key strategies that she used to survive and thrive in the most brutal of circumstances.

- How to win against all odds
- Developing the disciplines of a survivor
- How to eliminate fear and amplify confidence
- Resolving crisis: 3 tactics that get results
- How you can solve impossible problems

WTF is that all about? when she survived the unthinkable? she wasn't treated poorly. she was RESCUED! if they want to get a motivational speaker, get someone who actually faced combat. or someone who actually rescued her! how about that! get a REAL war veteran. not some stupid little girl who doesn't remember shit about what happened!

how to win against all odds? she lay in bed. it's not like SHE ESCAPED. i'm sure she was scared while she was in the hospital... but she did nothing truly heroic. i know some people might say, all our service men and women are heros just for serving their country, yadda, yadda, yadda.

yes, bless their hearts... but, not all of them go into the service because they just want to serve their country. they go in it because they want to go to college. or they want to travel the world. or other selfish reasons. they're human, too. we all do selfish ass shit under the guise of doing something noble. there are risks involved to joining the forces... she CHOSE to join. it's not like she was drafted or something.

there are so many other women out there to fill the slot of being the token woman on a motivation tour.

this shit just makes me sick. she should be paying every single person out there who goes to this seminar for showing up to see her. the promoters of this tour should give everyone a partial refund back just for showing up to see ms. lynch.



i just found out 11/9 is a TUESDAY. fuck. not only are tuesdays my worst day at work and i HAVE to show up to work on all tuesdays... even if i'm on my goddamned deathbed... but that's also the second cooking class date. damn. that better be a good damned class. i guess halo's waiting... i told steve that he couldn't play without me cuz i'm his backup gunman... he just laughed at me. jerk.

guerilla marketing tactics

check out microsoft's marketing for halo 2. man, this game better be worth the wait... so, steve says he's getting me a "spa day" for november 9th. damn, that's messed up. what if i want to play, too???? why do boys always get the cool stuff? i'm taking the day off work. i've been waiting since 4/4/04 to get my hands on this damn game. bastards.


strangely enough...

uhm... i dunno.. maybe they just weren't meant to be...



i was expecting all the god stuff... but the transsexual threw me for a loop :P
according to googlism:

grace is for transsexuals too
grace is the "update" program
grace is joined with
grace is gone
grace is no entitlement
grace is the key
grace is of god
grace is enough for me
grace is no longer hosted at this location
grace is the word
grace is an article brought to you by bob yandian
grace is not a thorn
grace is sufficient" by karen
grace is in
grace is sufficient lyrics
grace is gone lyrics
grace is proud to offer this new feature
grace is
grace is gray
grace is a support group for wives of husbands that are
grace is sufficient"
grace is born 6
grace is suffcient by johnnie chatham
grace is first in her class
grace is sufficient for thee"
grace is simple
grace is sure and steadfast
grace is my favorite
grace is irresistible
grace is constantly working
grace is sufficient for thee
grace is sufficient
grace is for transsexuals too enter
grace is not her middle name
grace is gone dave matthews band
grace is a wysiwyg 2d plotting tool for the x window system and m*tif
grace is sufficient for you
grace is inadequate for salvation
grace is the ocean' is a collection of songs written by joe over the last 15 years
grace is the ocean
grace is part of a home
grace is published monthly by kevin and carla christensen with the help of our children
grace is born
grace is the "update" program
grace is joined with wrinkles
grace is about abiding and continuing in god's goodness
grace is the path to eternal lifegrace is sufficient for me
grace is still amazing
grace is the password that god uses to give us access to the gift of salvation
grace is everything god is free to do for us
grace is sufficient by karen lollis
grace is when a race is run
grace is gone neon shines through smoky eyes tonight it?s 2 am
grace is not just getting what you don't deserve
grace is able to build us up and sanctify us
grace is sufficient for grammy winner carol cymbala
grace is everywhere reflections of an aspiring monk james stephen behrens 147 pages acta publications
grace is gone' by lindsay anne mckenziegrace is a support group for wives of husbands that are struggling or have in the past struggled with sexual purity
grace is sufficient by today's standards
grace is sufficient february 25
grace is always sufficient
grace is sufficient" freedom from homosexuality & walking with jesus while living with aids
grace is god?s unmerited favor given to undeserving mangrace is enough
grace is the weight of the world
grace is a beautiful privilege 65 that has recently moved from private ownership to charter yacht service
grace is a stategrace is sufficient for thee"
grace is a concept
grace is sufficient for us
grace is long on gall
grace is amazing by nolefan1942
grace is living a good life because we are loved
grace is a generator of direct manipulation editors for graph
grace is the life of god in the soul of man
grace is the desire and the power that god gives us to do his willgrace is god ?going overboard? with love for us
grace is a peace site
grace is constantly working to enhance the effectiveness and efficiency of our service to you
grace is and what it does and creates
grace is bestowed in this sacrament? objection 1
grace is everywhere
grace is worth contemplating because even a small sense of its meaning can help one experience it and know how it fits into the picture
grace is sufficient when a day seems to be gloomy
grace is that which gives joy
grace is amazing
grace is god's favor towards us
grace is and what it isn't
grace is a free gift
grace is when i realize how blessed i am that i can get to the top of the stairs at all
grace is gone neon shines through smokey eyes tonight it's 2 am
grace is in place
grace is unmerited favor


my company's weird... the last friday of every month, as well as the last calendar day of the month are both considered month-end.

i'm going to kill someone here.

i'm far too busy for my neck pain today.

going to my chiropractor tonight and then an acupressurist tomorrow.

i have too many travel plans coming up! i can't be injured!!!!


uhm.... can't think of a title...

i feel better now... my neck still hurts, but i think getting all that crap written down helped...

thanks for the kind words, everyone... though, we all know i can be a real shit.

random image

steve's friend sends out a random image, maybe weekly or so... here's todays... read below for steve's fucked up comments. i heart my husband... :D

comment #1: i thought mel and stan's wedding wasn't until next month?! :P
comment #2: i think that's stan right there in the middle, isn't it? about the right height :P

on a very, very personal note...

*warning: this is a longass post...*

it probably won't even make any sense. i don't even know where to begin.

i've always looked up to her. i was only 9 and she was only 14, but to this day, i always think of her as being older. she just seemed so much more mature than i was at 14. hell, even now at 27. she just had this sensibility about her. she knew what she was doing and she knew what she wanted and where she wanted to go. maybe it just seemed that way because i was young. i dunno.

my dad used to make her practice violin every morning at 5am. to this day, my dad can sing the note needed to tune the violin. i think it's an A. i can't remember anymore. fuck. i'm losing my mind. it's funny. he doesn't need a piano or tuner or anything. he can just do it. she played with this children's orchestra. the conductor was yo-yo ma's sister. now, that's a musical family. i used to go sometimes with her to the rehearsals. those kids were all frighteningly good.

after my sister died, my parents never pushed me to do anything again. i can barely read notes anymore, let alone actually play piano.

and when my sister was gone, i thought i was going to replace her. i was going to go to the best schools (in nyc, if you want to get into stuyvesant, brooklyn tech or bronx science, apparently you need to take some sort of entrace exam? i dunno. anyway, yeah... she took a test and got the highest score in her school to get into stuy.), take up violin, become a lawyer, and then a judge, and rule the mother fucking world. so funny. you just don't know what the world's like when you're a kid... heh. i just didn't have the determination that she did either. i have no follow-through. i get excited about something and i do it a lot... and then never again. i don't have the talent, either. man. this post is no good for my ego.

my younger siblings were no mistake. everyone always makes jokes about them being accidents because of the differences in age between me and them (my sister is 17, my brother is 16). my older sister passed away in august of 1986. my sister was born june of 1987, my brother in june the year after. only 51 weeks separate their birthdays. my parents needed to have 2 kids to make up for the heartbreak of losing their daughter.

there's so much i wanna say about her. but... my mind's jumping all around and i can't focus on anything.

i miss her. i wish i had her when i was growing up. i would've listened to her. i looked up to her so much. i wanted to be smart like her, tall like her, talented like her, funny like her...

not to say that she was perfect. she had a worse temper than i do. i feared her temper. any little thing i said or did, she would snap at me. just lose it. looking back, i think it was because my parents put her under so much pressure to do well.

because she wasn't around anymore, my dad started having me correct the english in all of his correspondence. any letter that went out, i would have to fix. it's funny. i resented my sister for burdening me with this, but at the same time, i wanted to help him. but, i was only 9. i think i would cringe if i looked back at those letters now. i'm sure i used big words that really didn't work, but i thought it would make him sound more important if he used them. aw, gawd. how awful. and i resent my kid sister and brother for not taking over once i got into college... i mean, if i could do it, couldn't they?

but i love them, too... i know i shouldn't dwell on what's gone. i should be there for my brother and sister. my bro makes it hard to be there for him. he pushes everyone away. everyone except his "friends." i don't have too much in common with my sister, but i love her a lot. i was pretty mean to them growing up. i guess i was sad because i didn't get a full childhood. i was the live-in babysitter and maid. though, i know my parents didn't mean to treat me that way. they just needed my help. having small children that close in age has got to be difficult.

the summer she died, she was visiting relatives in california. my parents sent her out here to celebrate her entry in stuy. that was the summer she actually started to take an interest in me. before this, she only ignored me or yelled at me. the last conversation we had, we were sitting on the stairs inside and she was teasing me about my small nose and then she asked me if i liked any boys and i started giggling uncontrollably. i couldn't answer... so she told me to scrunch up my nose once for no and twice for yes. i got my nose wrinkled once, but after that i kept on laughing and couldn't do it again. and we were laughing...

i miss her how she was then... and i miss her for all the things we missed out on together.

she was the brightest star in our family... i oftentimes think that it should've been me. and it's sad... and after my cousin died, i got that distinct feeling again that it should've been me. these beautiful, beautiful people should've been spared. they had such bright futures... i don't believe i would've been missed as much as these two.

if she lived, we might still be living in ny, i'd be a different person, my parents would be different... i wouldn't have my brother and sister... i would never have met the most fabulous man in the world... but, i can't help but wish she was there at my graduations, my wedding, holidays...

and i'm afraid to get too close to my members of my family. i feel like i have a curse. not that i'm really superstitious or anything. my sister, my grandma, my favorite uncle, my favorite cousin... i have a cousin here with a beautiful baby girl. in a way i'm afraid to get close to her. she does wear me out because she's hyperactive, but there's something else besides that. i feel like it will be my fault if anything happens... out of the 3 families on my dad's side, 2 of the families have suffered the loss of a child. the last is sophia's family. if anything were to happen to her, i really think it will be because of me...

and i'm afraid to have my own children. besides the obvious (i have a foul mouth; i'm crude, rude and mean; i have a short fuse; and the list goes on and on) the genes run really strong on my side. what if our kids turn out to be fuckups? or what if something bad happens. i'm not certain i'd have the strength to get through it like my parents did. i'm not certain i could just go on. not talking about suicide or anything. i just mean, i don't think i could get through the depression... and if i had a surviving child, i wouldn't want to have more kids to fill my void and make them feel alone.

i don't fucking know. i don't fucking know. i don't fucking know.

i miss angela. i miss joe.
joe's 28th birthday's coming up. fuck. i still haven't opened his cd johnny gave me at the funeral. i just don't have the heart. i don't know if i ever will.

joe's bro, dan, told me a long time ago that when he was at his lowest, all he wanted to do was call angela on the phone... and he knew everything would've been all right. and that's how i felt about joe. even though we lived far away from each other, i always had joe. he was always MY cousin. no matter what happened in our families, we had each other... but at his funeral, i had no one. should've been me.

i'm a wreck today. i guess i was thinking of angela and i started thinking of joe and well, this just isn't my day. i'm really not trying to whine. i'm not saying anyone should feel sorry for me or what our family's been through. i just... wanted to write about them. and i guess i feel like shit for having forgotten that day...

goddamn. i loved them. and i still do.

i haven't had a dream about them in a while... but i had one about angela last night... we were walking around my college, walking through the dorms. grainger hall had really steep, steep steps. there were wet paint signs all over the staircase and the stairs had just been painted in a green, but it was dry.

the stairwell was crammed full of people from my 8th grade class. jeaneil, julie, abigail, jonny, todd, troy, danny, armond.... they all looked like they did in the 8th grade with the big hair and bad clothes. heh. we were squeezing past them...

we walked out of grainger and went to newton hall. except newton hall was split in two... we were walking down the hall in one and psycho was there, walking down the other hall. it was like a mirror reflection, except it was his face, instead of mine or angela's. and then psycho said, "i should've gotten together with your sister instead. we would've been much better together." or something to that effect. (that's actually something he said to me. what a fucking psycho... talking about someone's dead sister like that.)

we sat down in a room and he sat down across the way just staring at us with that hateful look on his face that i know so well. his crazy best friend came into our room and just sat there. he was fucked up out of his mind and then just lay down flat on his back. we both looked at each other and she touched my head. i had dandruff.

we both got up and started walking again... and it was a moving sidewalk, but it was going the other direction, but even though we were walking slow, we were still moving fast in the direction we wanted to go...

don't ask me wtf it meant. i'm still concerned about the dandruff... heh.

sometimes i just want to forget them.

crap mood

i've been in a crappy mood yesterday and a little today...

yesterday, i was reading the recovering angry white chick's diary and she has some song lyrics on it. 'my sister' by juliana hatfield. and i realized something awful. this is the first time in 18 years that i have forgotten the anniversary of my sister's death.

and fuck. i just checked my blog to see what it said... and i was bitching at my mom because she couldn't send out an email. fuck, i'm such a bitch.

i hate myself right now... i am the worst person in the world. i deserve to be flogged or something.

i dunno. these last few weeks have been weird for me. i have no grasp of what's going on from day to day. it just flies by. every day i'm shocked, just shocked that it's that day.. for instance, i can't believe it's the end of august. and a couple of weeks ago, i couldn't believe that it was already august... etc...

so, the feelings of self-loathing coupled with the return of my neck pain... yeah, i'm in a foul mood today.

talk about ripping them a new one...

i copied this from an email i got forwarded. dunno if it's true or not. if it is, it's pretty damned funny. supposedly from a group called the waxwings regarding their record release show:

Dean, Kevin, Dom & Jim,

Your "Record Release" show was an absolute embarrassment! Every single aspect of that show was chump! I CANNOT fucking believe that you did not take that show seriously!!! That was your RECORD RELEASE show! Let me say that again . . . THAT WAS YOUR FUCKING RECORD RELEASE SHOW!!! IN YOUR HOME FUCKING TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was your FIRST show putting your new record on a platform! AND AT HOME!!!

Your set was flat out HORRIBLE! Unrehearsed and sloppy. How the fuck can that show have not been so important??? You were an embarrassment to me AND to yourselves! YOU HAD MONTHS TO MAKE THAT THE BEST FUCKIN SHOW YOU HAVE EVER PLAYED!!! AND don't give me none of that bulllllllshit about Jim's wrist. He could have been playing only the kick drum and shaker during rehearsals. You had MONTHS to knock the fuck out of the people at that show. Instead you perform like a fuckin' half ass cover band! You play to ONLY 300 people at your home town RECORD RELEASE show and 80% of them were at the bar in the back by the end of your set, if in the building at all! AND this is ALSO the VERY FIRST DAY any of your family, friends and fans can see your record . . . and you ONLY SELL 30 COPIES????!!!!!!!!! What the fuck is that!!!! Your set was so fuckin' bad, that only 30 out of 300 people wanted to own your new record after what they just saw!!! I’d also bet money that most of those people bought your cd BEFORE the show!

Your set was not even close to tight! And you think you should be getting the attention The White Stripes get?? What a fuckin' JOKE!!! What you did that night was the furthest thing from Rock 'n Roll I have EVER witnessed in ALL my years in this business!!! How you could not take that show seriously absolutely baffles me! You want your artistic freedom? Fine, then show me whatcha got and lay it the fuck on me . . . instead I stood there DISGUSTED!!! This is the band I spent over $200,000 on of MY MONEY?? When I ONLY had to spend $20,000??? Not to mention the fuckin number of hours I have spent mentoring you!!!

Strike 1: Soundman!
You are having your RECORD RELEASE show in your HOME town! Did it ever occur to you boys that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE it would be WISE to choose a soundman that actually KNOWS your record??? The one that you just finished??? He made you guys sound like SHIT!!! EVERY SINGLE thing was EQ'd and mixed wrong! Starting with NO REVERB on any vocals!!! Any fucking band that can sing with no reverb??? Not to mention, he made your voices sound all wrong. Dom's vocal was EQ'd way too bright, Dean's as usual sounded like mud, Kevin were you just mouthing the words up there?? Then Dean, you are playing an amp that sounds like shit! Your fuckin' AC30 is the ONLY amp you should play in my opinion! Don't give me the fuckin' schematics of it either! Get the fuckin' thing fixed! Kevin, your bass sounded undefined and muddy. Jim, if everyone stopped playing but you, and I closed my eyes, I would have guessed I was listening to Poison in '87! The kick couldn't have been any boomier and the snare sounded like fuckin' shotguns with a faint tickle of your symbols. Keyboards?? Percussion?? You should be proud that you paid them $100 of YOUR money just to be on stage, cause you sure as fuck couldn't hear 'em! How many times have I warned you guys about soundmen? I even told you what to say to them!!! You should have chosen the soundman and made triple sure that he knew your new album inside and out!!!

Strike 2: Mick Jagger wouldn't be hangin' out in the club before HIS RECORD RELEASE show! Make a fuckin' statement!!! Your faces should not have been seen for ONE SECOND before you took that stage! Do you think the Rolling Stones would be walkin' around minglin' in the crowd before their RECORD RELEASE show?? Do you think Jack White would be caught dead in the crowd before he takes the stage?? Bush leagues!!! Dean, you're just fuckin' hangin' out by the fuckin' entrance before the show, AND SOMETIMES ALONE! PATHETIC!!! A REAL Rock 'n Roll band would have been backstage getting psyched up for the greatest show of their entire lives!!! Then take the stage uniformly and immediately lay into the set. Also noting that they would have informed the guy at the lights to keep the stage pitch black until he hears the intro to the first song! Then, what REAL Rock 'n Roll bands do is mingle AFTER the show, listening to all the fans rave about them instead of making excuses!

Strike 3: Nice Set!
If you want to play the whole record in it's entirety, fine, then FUCKIN' PLAY US THE GOD DAMNED RECORD!!! Play us that record SO FUCKIN' GOOD that EVERYONE buys one after the show! Not only does everyone buy it, but they go home and tell 2 friends how fuckin' amazing you were while feeling LUCKY to have a copy of album BEFORE it comes out! Then the next time you play it fuckin' sells out. There IS A FUCKIN' REASON why the White Stripes are exploding! Cause they are a fuckin' great Rock 'n Roll band. They pay great attention to ALL of these details! The shit doesn't just fall into their laps for free!!! If you choose to play the record in sequence, then you should have made that show sound as if they were listening to that record LIVE!!! I would have made every aspect of the live set absolutely flawless, even down to the horns!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, by the way Kevin, that was real pro of you to use the word FUCK about 12 times in 3 sentences on that pathetic thing you would have called an encore (which was undeserved I might add!). 80% of the whole fuckin' crowd lost interest!!! Fuck man, if you weren't my band I would have left! In fact, I fuckin' should have walked out!! Great addition too bringing in 2 extra people that look ABSOLUTELY BORED on stage!!! The fuckin' guy playing keyboards even put his fuckin' head down DURING THE FUCKIN' SET!!! Oh by the way, the guys at 89X and the Riff were really impressed with the show, or I should say the 4 songs they actually stayed for! I sure the fuck hope that writer who is planning the feature on you there didn't witness that horseshit! If so, you can kiss that cover story goodbye . . . I sure as shit hope that writer from MOJO wasn't there either! And I bet Jack White just can't wait to ask you out on the road now . . .

Strike 4: Never admit you suck!
Dean, you actually apologized ON STAGE for being unrehearsed at your own fucking RECORD RELEASE show!!! You apologized for sucking!!!???????? That ain’t Rock ‘n Roll man! I’m quite sure I wasn’t the only one in the crowd thinking, if they are unrehearsed for this show, when the fuck are they EVER gonna be??

Strike Umpteen:
It's your fuckin' RECORD RELEASE show!!! How bout some fuckin' self promotion!!! Or are you guys above that?? Your attitude sure the fuck points in that direction! Plaster flyers all over town, tell every mother fuckin' person you know to come to your show cause you don't want to miss this one! Build some fuckin' anticipation!!! YOU fuckin' do it!!! You expect people to buy tons of your records when you perform like that?? All Billy and I have heard for months is how you can do it on your own . . . you DEMAND that you are making a statement with your records. Yet you don't take the biggest show of your career seriously??!!!! Who the fuck are you???? You have sold less than 10,000 records! Instead of gettin' fuckin' drunk every night hangin' out in the scene, your asses should have been in your basement fucking rehearsing!!! You have become completely lackadaisical in every aspect of your career! You turn shit into me late . . . if ever, you cancel PAYING gigs last minute and piss off the clubs that were there supporting you from the beginning . . . You fuckin' have the balls to play the poor pitiful routinecause you don't have any money, yet you have the leisure to turn down money??!!! And don't be handin' me anymore of that bullshit about Jim's wrist . . . figure it out . . . or fuckin' have the courtesy to let the club know sooner! It wasn't long ago that you guys were making fun of The Chamber Stings for doing the absolute same shit!! It takes you 4 FUCKING MONTHS to finish the master! While you give ME attitude, in the tone of a threat, that the record has to be released in March! You don't fuckin' communicate with anyone, let alone yourselves . . . Dean you just dropped off the face of the fuckin' earth during the SET UP of your record!!! Then you guys turn in fuckin' shitty photos last minute to me that will actually run and be seen by others. AND I STILL am yet to see the negatives!! I just got a call from Roe telling me that you guys told him to call me about getting paid for the artwork. That shit HAS to be pre-approved! You NEVER told me he was charging me. If so, I would not have agreed, and I would have had you do it with my guy. I ain't gonna fuckin' pay him!

This is the way you choose to represent yourselves??? You guys think that you don't need me and can do it all yourselves . . . well, keep it up and before you know it, you'll all be PERMANENTLY working schlep jobs!!!


Aste Del a Vomit,

i heart jude law

i found this on ultragrrl's site.

oh, man. he, uhm... i mean, that movie looks kickass!


our lovely, lovely city

do all cities (i use that loosely. it's a suburb, through and through) have city insects and city vegetables?

i just found out that our city veggie was asparagus (mmmm) and the city insect was a western swallowtail butterfly.

tried to find a pic of the western swallowtail butterfly, but i'm not sure if it's the same thing as the western tiger swallowtail butterfly.

people are disgusting

why can't people wait in the bathroom to make sure that their piss/shit/toilet seat covers are flushed before leaving?

for the love of god, why?

asian flicks

i heard that universal (i think... someone correct me, if i'm wrong) is going to do a remake of oldboy. imdb has some spoilers so if you haven't seen it and you don't wanna know what happens, don't read any of the posts.

the more i think about it, the more i like it... that was a kickass flick. makes me feel all patriotic about the motherland... and i rarely feel patriotic about korea. (my mother would cry if she read that.)

there were some amazing scenes in that movie... and quite a few disturbing ones...

i really hope universal doesn't fuck it up.


finally saw an ad for hero... miramax takes for fucking ever! this has got to be one of the more amazing movies i've ever seen. it's got everything: drama, sex, intrigue, conspiracy, beautifully choreographed fight scenes... and the colors are absolutely breathtaking. it's beautiful.

it's about damned time it came out.


man, i hate it when people come by your cube just to chit chat to you about their stupid lives. i even took down all my shit off the walls so people would stop just coming by to waste my goddamned time.


the worst is when it's just some guy that wants to flirt with you. and i'm giving him all the non-verbal signals that scream out, "i'm not interested in talking to you! get the fuck away from me!"
and then they think of more shit to talk about. leave me the fuck alone.

it's not like i'm nice to them, either. what a bunch of masochists.

man, i hate people.

hey, i'm having deja vu. i must've posted something about this already. oh, well... it's a constant issue for me. i gotta stop working for da man.

2 out of 3 ain't bad...

of course it depends what you're talking about.

i guess i'm just in a not so good mood today... 2 out of the 3 posts make me sound completely psychotic.

so just to clear things up:

yes, i can be crazy... in good and bad ways.
yes, i'm a little stress monkey, but i'm much better now than i used to be.
yes, i have a leeeeetle temper problem, but i usually only take it out on work folk or people on the road.
yes, i'm a bitch, but i'm loyal to my friends... unless they prove to be disloyal to me at which point i drop 'em like a hooker drops her panties.
yes, i dislike people, except for the very few i do like.

and there are a host of other contradictory statements i could make, but i don't feel like it right now.

man, another fucked up dream

i was writing in a friend's blog about this jerk boyfriend she has... and i just remembered last night's dream.

i wasn't married to The Most Fabulous Man in the world as i am in real life. we were dating. but then Psycho came back into my life. and for some reason, i couldn't just tell Psycho off and get rid of him. so Psycho took it as a sign that i wanted him around. and then steve thought that i didn't want him anymore so he left me. and i didn't want him to, but he left because he thought i'd chosen Psycho. now, we all know that i would NEVER fucking do that in real life. i would make it clear that i wouldn't want to have anything to do with Psycho. i have no idea where this dream came from.

and it was weird. we were in a log cabin or something and he was acting like a normal human being instead of a monster. it was well, creepy. and i knew something bad was going to happen. i knew it was a dream, but i couldn't wake up. and because nothing horrible was happening, i didn't make any noises, i guess... usually, steve wakes me up when i make those nightmare noises.

and Psycho kept on trying to convince me that he'd changed and i was really paranoid and scared. and steve wasn't in the house, he was lurking outside, but i couldn't leave the house for some reason. and steve wasn't making a move to come inside. so this whole dream was me being scared in some cabin, Psycho inside acting like a normal person, and steve outside.

what a fucked up dream. even though nothing really happened, i'm still disturbed. i guess whenever Psycho enters my dreams, i get disturbed. it's just so wrong. fuck. i wish he'd die already.

normally when i have dreams about Psycho, they're of him chasing me or threatening me or whatever... awful nightmares... and sometimes he's singing "Half a Person" by the Smiths.

Call me morbid, call me pale
I've spent six years on your trail
Six full years of my life on your trail....

it's coming up on 6 years now. i'm just a little scared. not the kind of fear that paralyzes you, but it's just a tad unnerving.

i love that song and i try not to let him ruin it for me. but he's a big smiths fan, too. it wouldn't be unlike his melodramatic personality to wait for six years just to make it poetic.

what a fucking psycho. and i'm a goddamned headcase because of him.
believe it or not, i'm so much better now than i used to be! hehe...

the girl next door

for the record, i think elisha cuthbert could possibly be the world's most overrated actress. maybe it was the content she was given to work with, but damn... all of her lines were really, really annoying in this flick... which is basically a teen boy's fantasy about a porn star moving in next door. seriously, the movie got WAY better once she had fewer lines and was just there as scenery.

the acting was pretty bad, especially elisha cuthbert's... there were some pretty funny lines. some pretty funny gags... i liked timothy olyphant as kelly, the sleazoid porn director... emile hirsch is pretty cute after about 30 minutes into the movie. he plays the outcast nerd pretty well... then again, i'm just partial to nerds and geeks. his nerd friends are funny, too.

unless you're about 15 or 16 (or pretty much any male, really... no offense) i would suggest against watching the movie... well, you could watch it if you feel like watching a dumbed down, watered down teen "comedy," but you'd have to be in the mood for it. don't expect any intelligent dialogue or moving performances from this lot.

at least i didn't waste my entire night watching it.

anger management

i have an issue with road rage. it's not so bad that i'd follow someone home and bash their head in with a crowbar and stomp on their throat, but i've definitely fantasized about it... it usually hits and passes within 30 seconds or so... but inevitably, someone else will piss me off... so the ride to work is usually 15-20 minutes of me being pissed off and yelling and cursing... uhm, i have a bad temper.

but, even when i'm not driving, i yell at drivers...

steve and i are in the car on the way to work this morning... and this big ass GMC pickup truck is cutting people off all over the road.

so i yell, "blonde republican bitch!" at least the windows were up this time... but, i have no idea where that came from and what her being republican has to do with her cutting people off... it's like it just comes out and i can't help it.

i told steve that i was just scared... i mean, when i'm afraid, i react with hostility. i don't think he's buying it.


deep lyrics...

increasingly, i've come across blogs with lyrics on them. typically, they're sensitive, emotional, deep, thought-provoking, and/or inspirational...

so, i'll give it a go, as well....
this is as deep as i wanna get :P

all day, in my mind
i replay the second time we chimed
so sweet, what a treat, sensuelle [yes it's pronounced to rhyme with swell...]
skin on skin is swingingly swell

fat treasures
don't compare to our pleasures
kissing and suckling,
the boots come unbuckling
enter sexual altered states
no sleep uhm, we're stayin' awake

the music connects us
the rubber protects us
and what the neighbors think
just doesn't affect us

check my spot
and dig my swirl
i'm a liberated girl

i need your lovin'
i want your love
i'll be your friend
i'll be your lover
i'll be your friend

against me your body's pressed
i want to hug and kiss you and all the rest
forget your troubles, ills and aches
and like an earthquake
our body shakes

just turn up the frogger bass
and enter sexual altered state

take off your shirt
i'll take off my bra
a rub a dub lovin' until you say ahhhh...

keep holding on until you say ahhh
*repeat 2x*

your smile's as big as the brooklyn bridge
you rock me like no one ever did
live and let livin'
trippin' not slippin'

chewin' on a chiclet
make me wanna knee dip
let me roll my full hips

rolling philly's actin' silly
hippy spliffy
made ya lick your lippy
our love a dub rubbin'
is king size trippy

keep holdin' on until you say ahhh...

not sure if those lyrics are all correct... but pretty damned close. now i'm going to have to look up the lyrics at home.

Say Ahhh... by Deee-Lite off their Dewdrops in the Garden album. BUY IT. it was overlooked and underrated... and lady kier's voice is SEXY as HELL... even though this cd is 10 years old, the beats are NOT dated... still as fresh as the day it came out... better than a lot of the shit you hear today. this cd makes you wanna get up on the dance floor and dance and sweat and make out with somebody :D well, somebody good looking...

i need to take a break cuz working is for suckers.

steve burned me a cd with tons of music on it cuz my scion xA comes standard with an mp3 player... and the music keeps on playing on and on...

so, i now have this kickass cd in my car...

stanton warriors, bjork, sandra collins, beastie boys (we're going to see them 9/14 in long beach... oh, and in new orleans 10/16-17), boards of canada, hrm... i could've sworn there was something else... what was it... hrm... too much damn music for me to remember! was it oakenfold? damn. i really can't remember...

the stanton warriors and sandra collins are both essential mixes from the best damn radio station on the planet.

uuufff. i should've brought my cd into work with me... oh well... i'm too lazy to go to my car to get it. hehe.

steve's the best! :D

*update: the cd also has krust and the stork (kickass drum and bass dj) on it... check him out if you're into d'n'b at all... thanks for reminding me... i couldn't remember it all... uuuf.*

baaad feeling.

i think i'm going to be here late... ufff. i hope not, though... *sigh*

karaoke revolution

damn. i didn't unlock anymore outfits... i think i unlocked them all... maybe.

but i did unlock funny ass videos of tone deaf people singing along to the songs... there was only one girl who was actually pretty good, and even she got screwed up on the timing... funny stuff...
i have got to unlock 'ladies night.' mostly because jon lovitz in the wedding singer is so goddamned funny and every time i hear that song, i think of him singing the song and i start cracking up. if you've never watched it completely fucked up (take that how you will), that is something you must do before you die.

speaking of the wedding singer, i saw a guy with a mullet on sunday. it was unbelievable. it was the most glorious mullet i've ever seen in my life. long and blonde... i really wanted to take a picture of it, but i would've gotten caught. mullets should be banned.

and so should the other relics of the 80s - leg warmers (saw some at hollister, they were absolutely heinous), neon colors, non-functional (and large) belts, off the shoulder flashdance shirts, and did i mention the leg warmers already? seriously. wtf do you need leg warmers for? IT'S NOT COLD IN CALIFORNIA. but, i'll keep the 80s music. well, some of it... the smiths, depeche mode, shit like that. not so much broken wings by mister mister... which i had to sing last night in order to get platinum on all the stupid songs... it was awful. i wanted to die.

now i'm just going off on a friggin' tangent... but, it all came back to karaoke revolution, the greatest game in the world :P steve says i'm weird and crazy (in this case, not fun crazy. more like crazy crazy). i don't know where he gets that from.

destructive little monkey

wtf was up with the bunny this morning?

tearing the hell out of our screen door
ripping apart the newspaper
shredding the cardboard box

i'd pet her and she'd sniff at me... and then nibble on my arm...

what a bad little monkey we have.

so, she woke me up in the middle of my dream - and now i can't remember what it was about...

i just found something out... not everyone remembers their dreams (by that, i mean EVER) and on top of that, not everyone dreams in color. that's so weird. i had no idea.

you learn something new every day.


so lonely

without jules at work for me to bug...


weird dreams...

last night i had a weird dream. i'm the queen of weird dreams, but this was really, really weird...

it was all violent, too. it's still disturbing. i don't remember too many details, but i just remember running around in a very dark setting... much like underworld.

and i'm running around stabbing people with a large curved blade... sort of like a scythe... but not quite as curved. and probably not as long... anyway, it was gold. i would never use gold. i hate gold.

at any rate, i'm just going around and killing people for no reason. i wanted to stop, but i couldn't. i'd run up and hold onto their neck and then stab them right in the chest. i didn't know why i was doing it and i didn't know why i couldn't stop... and then i guess i stabbed the wrong person because then i had people jumping into cars and chasing me. and i'm running away on foot. but, i was hauling ass and they couldn't quite catch me.

at any rate, it was weird... but i'll take these crazy dreams over the nightmares about Psycho ANY DAY of the week.

i hate it when that happens!

son of a ....

my printer wasn't working last week. i swear to god. it just wasn't working. i tried different outlets, it wasn't turning on; it was broken.

so, I/R comes up... and it just turned on. and he just looks at me with that condescending look and asks me, "did you turn it on?"

fucker. yes, i turned it on.

"did you check the different outlets?"

but the goddamned thing works now... i hate it when things break and when someone else comes by it works... i even had a second opinion last week... we could not get the damned thing to turn on.

fuck. i hate looking like a fool in front of people stupider than me. damn them. son of a whore. aw, fuck. now i'm all frustrated and shit.

i just want to go home...

i need a new gym...

i don't know if it's all 24-hour fitnesses or if it's just because my 24-hour fitness happens to be in the GOP heartland of california, but there's always AT LEAST one television tuned into FOX NEWS.

jeezus christ.

and of course, i always stop to watch. i just can't help it! it's like a damned train wreck. it's so wrong, but i can't stop looking...

i've gotta find a new gym.


every monday i get into the office and i immediately start thinking about the weekend... not the past weekend, but i'm doing the next weekend... it's like i have to think about it just to get through my week. that's sad. had i known how much i would hate work, i never would've stopped going to school. well, then again, i hated school, too. i dunno. i guess i'm just fucked either way. *sigh*

but, at least i have something to look forward to when i get home tonight... MY KARAOKE MIC! wooty woot! i'm going to unlock even sluttier outfits for my character! woohoo!

asparagus pee

why does asparagus make your piss smell weird? i just came back from lunch (we had leftover asparagus and corn pasta) and went to the bathroom and it already smells weird. wtf?

the bowl...

so, here's a pic of the hollywood bowl... we had fireworks at the end to the music from the lion king... they had little animals made out of fireworks and ... okay, my camera phone doesn't exactly do it justice...

at any rate, steve took me to the bowl on saturday night... john mauceri was the conductor... the evening's event was 75 years of disney music. they did a lot of the classics in a medley and dick van dyke came out and did some songs from mary poppins. he's aging really well... he's all doing high kicks and running around all over the stage. maybe he does yoga or something... heh.

mary costa, the original voice of sleeping beauty in the movie in 1959, narrated a 10-minute story of bambi as the orchestra played the musical themes from the movie. according to imdb, she was born in 1930! she looked really good. botox is effin' amazing!

alan menken was there... he did a medley of some of his songs... and then the original voice of ariel (jodi benson), belle (paige o'hara), and pocahontas (judy kuhn). (or as steve so lovingly calls her: poke-a-hot-ass.)

before the concert, we had a picnic and some good-ass wine... i finally decided to make use of my food & wine subscription and made some food out of the mag.

tomato salad. the recipe is for tomatillos and sun-dried tomatoes. i made it with tomatillos and different colored tomatoes - orange, yellow, and red... the red ones came from our own garden :) the dressing is basically just olive oil and lemon juice.

pasta with asparagus and corn (it actually calls for fresh pasta, but i was already short on time and i wasn't about to make my own pasta... also, i'm not certain we own a rolling pin). i used fresh cut corn from the cob... but i think it would be okay to use the frozen ones. it's sauteed in red onion and olive oil.

chicken coated in a mayo mixture with herbs and chili powder and breaded with potato chips and fried in butter. (i hate mayo, but you can't taste it at all... thank god...) it's a heart attack just waiting to happen. make sure you have lots of alcohol to cut through the grease :P

the food came out okay... the wine was better, though :P

i typically don't cook gross food like this, but i was just 'sperimenting. it was fun... but, i think i may never make that chicken again. heh.

things i learned...
1. never, ever follow the recipe exactly the way they have it in the magazine. since this was the first time i was making these things, i put in the amount of oil and butter they told me to use.
2. just try one new thing at a time. trying 3 new things is very time-consuming.
3. i like cooking more than i thought i did... i can't wait for my holiday cooking class now :)

my friend from NY says: people out in california do fun stuff! i answered: that's cuz the weater's just so FUCKING fabulous out here. :P

this is the lovely venue at which our all hands meeting was held on friday... i want to tell them that i'm offended that i had to be in a church... do you see that cross? also, the pews were really uncomfortable. and you probably can't see it, but... wtf is that gauche piece of "art" in the background behind the speaker? my jobplace sucks. at least i got home early... well, 5ish.

according to steve...

who saw it in wired mag, the new bjork cd uses NO instruments. just the human voice... so, i guess technically the whole thing is a capella... the human beatboxes are unbelievable.

now everyone REALLY has to get the cd.


the good news and the bad news...

good news: i get to leave work around 1:30ish
bad news: it's to go to an all-hands offsite meeting

fuck! that sucks ass.

at least it's near home...

my mom...

don't get me wrong, i love my mom... BUT (there's always a but, isn't there?) DAMN, she drives me fucking insane.

this woman does not know how to turn on a computer. i just spent the last 20 minutes trying to explain to her how to send an email out to someone. and of course, her email service is ALL IN KOREAN. i can read it, but it's SLOW GOING. by slow, i mean, S-L-O-O-O-O-W. fuck. and then of course, having a short temper, i end up blowing up at her... and then apologizing... and then blowing up... and then apologizing. fuck.

mom: why can't i edit the text?
me: where's the email?
mom: the incoming mail box.
me: you need to forward it or reply or copy and paste it into a different email
mom: but, i don't know how!
me: just give me your password. i'll do it........ *time lapse* aw, crap. it's in korean!
mom: you know how to read it...
me: but it's just frustrating! and i don't understand what it all means!
mom: then read it to me...
me: that's even more frustrating!
mom: just tell me what it says...
me: forget it! just fffff (i really wanted to say fucking) forget it!
me: sorry... okay... what do you want me to do now?
mom: edit the letter
(editing, editing, editing, saved in the save as draft folder)
me: okay, done...
mom: i don't see it.
me: it's right there in the save as draft folder
mom: i don't see it.
me: it's right there!
mom: i don't see it.
me: yes, it is! i'm ffff... looking at it RIGHT NOW! mom, what are you looking at???
mom: the incoming mail box
me: i said look in the save as draft folder!
mom: can't you put it in the incoming mail box?
me: yeah, if i SEND it to you, but it's already there in the other folder, can't you just look at it? there's a link right ffff there!
mom: okay.....
me: sorry, mom... do you see it?
mom: i see it... how do you send it?
me: (in my head - oh, jeezus christ... the send button's right fucking there... fuck...) awww, jeezus... the send button, mom. the send button.
mom: where is it?
me: near the top, towards the left
mom: will it save a copy when i send it?
me: sorry... i'll just send it.
mom: thanks... you're so good to me.
*kicking myself... gawd, i'm such a bitch to her*

why does she have to be such a nice lady, huh?
knowing my luck, i'll end up being just like her... minus the sweetness.

har! build a better bush :D

check it out :D i like the balding, wall-eyed bush, personally :)



first of all, i have no idea who this blonde chick is on the movie poster. there was no blonde chick. false advertising...

anyway, this movie was pretty good... some gross scenes... like the one with the cockroaches. i'm sorry, but cockroaches are fucking nasty. and there are some other graphic and gross anatomical scenes. but none of them are as gross as the roaches running around. *shudder*

ron perlman is great in this movie.. i actually had no idea what he looked like in real life. i liked him as hellboy better, but he was really good in this flick. i like his little obsession... see the movie, you'll know what i'm talking about.

the little girl in the movie - tamara shanath - did a really good performance, especially considering she's not been in any movies before this and she only had one word to say... i think it was 'grandpa' or something... yeah. at any rate, she was good. even though she was supposed to be a good guy, for some reason, she creeped me out.

so, about the movie: apparently in the 1500s a guy made a device that could make him live forever unless his heart gets pierced. of course, his heart gets pierced and he dies. a kindly old gentleman finds it in his antique shop and accidentally uses it. there's a dying rich man who is of course, looking for the device... and i don't want to give it away. so just watch it. damn it.

a unique spin on this genre of flicks... i don't know what to call it. kinda zombie, kinda vampire. i dunno. whatever. i know what i thought about the movie... but i can't get it written down today. maybe i'm just tired. i dunno. so, fuck it. read what the director has to say about it here. (thanks to the poster on imdb.com)

bjork ROCKS

through some magic voodoo way, steve got me the brand spankin' new bjork album.

steve rocks.
bjork rocks.

it's definitely trippy... like all her more recent shit... oh, and a lot of a capella shit... but, gawd, her voice - still dynamic.

if you ever get a chance, see her live. there's nothing like hearing her live in a beautiful venue with wonderful acoustics...

i have to admit, i still like her older stuff better (like, when she was with the sugarcubes... and the first few solo albums...) but there's something about her... ahhh, i wish i was more articulate. i can't think today. anyway, it's good. get it when it comes out!


public restrooms

i hate going to the bathroom at work. first of all, i have a problem with peeing if anyone can hear me. i got over it after years at boarding school, but still, i'm kinda self-conscious. i might not be THAT bad, but i have a slight shyness of relieving myself in hearing range of others...

but besides that, i swear, at least once a day, i hear someone... no, wait... i DON'T hear someone washing their hands when they leave. it's SO gross. i think that when you unlock the door, something should spray your hand or something so that you'll HAVE to wash your hands when you leave... i mean, jeezus... that's just disgusting... so, when i leave the restroom, i always open the door with the paper towel that i dried my hands on ... blech. wtf is wrong with these people, anyway????

cooking class...

i signed up for 3 upcoming cooking classes :) it's for holiday cooking or something to that effect.

anyway, we're going to do christmas dinner this year (well, the family doesn't know that yet, but we will offer to do it... it'd be better that way...) - and i figured i probably need to learn how to cook holiday stuff american style...

koreans will just have a turkey, maybe some mashed potatoes and kimchee and other veggies and then lots of other korean side dishes... hehe... i don't think that would go over very well with steve's family... in fact, i think they'd die.

so, hopefully, the classes'll be fun...

i'm always swearing i'm going to take a class, but i never do... maybe next time i'll get the guts to sign up for belly dancing class! i really want to... i'm just a damned wuss. i can't sign up on my own.

yup - jeaneil's still a milf...

poor julie looks like she's just trying to get away from me. hehe.

jonny, jules, jerald - she's so lucky! :P

i heart my chiropractor

i'm feeling so much better... my neck's at least at 70%-75% and my back is the loosest it's EVER been. it's unbelievable. i get these kickass massages and back and neck crackings... i love it!

must go back for more! more!

anyway, i got the tracking number for my mic! woohoo! more karaoke for meeeee!!!! steve's gonna be sorry he bought it for me. hehehe...

i got my pics uploaded to ofoto (by i, i mean steve... i don't do that shit. hehe) yay!

i'll get a pic or two up on here...


i nearly pissed myself...

check this shit out...


i still want fries...

beach volleyball

why are the women's beach volleyball outfits so skimpy, but the men's not? i think the men should have to wear teeny, tiny little speedos... not that i enjoy looking at men in speedos, but it's only fair.

speaking of the olympics, i haven't been following it at all, but i saw some pics on yahoo... is it me or are the women's gymnastics teams super creepy to look at? i think it's wrong that they make them seem like little girls... and i think it's even more wrong that most of them ARE little girls. i think they need to fix the gymnastics stuff so that real women can compete, instead of having little girls compete. these are children, for chrissakes... let them be children. damn.

damned bunny...

last night i was adamant about unlocking stuff on karaoke revolution. so i got on and unlocked a bunch of outfits and a couple of venues and a song... (i got a couple of really cute outfits for naoko - my little japanese character)... the great thing about this game is that you can totally suck ass but still get platinum record status... woohoo! but expert level is super hard. even on the easy songs. bastards.

at any rate, steve just told me at lunch that Monkey hated my singing cuz she ran into the home today and ripped the cord apart for the headset. damn. now i have to go and buy another mic. thank god for amazon.

damn that bunny. she's so cute, but so, so bad. sheesh. oh well. i was gonna get a different mic, anyway.

french fries

i came back to the office from lunch today... as i came up the stairs the sweet, sweet smell of french fries and onion rings hit me...

fuck. i want to eat french fries and onion rings.

yippy dogs...

apparently a neighbor got a dog that yips. a lot. for hours at a time.


i want to kill him. like those fucked up kids who tried to kill their pet by strapping explosives to that poor little bunny (aptly named "lucky").

seriously, though. that's fucked up. unless they want to do that to the damned dog. they'd be my heros.


i have this little dinosaur puppet at home... he's a t-rex. we call him rex. anyway, i'm kinda partial to t-rexes... he's got this little sound thingie in his head and when you squeeze his head, he roars 3 times... it's kinda cool.

then i started wondering...

how do other religions explain the rise and fall of the dinosaur? the SDAs are kinda crazy, and i think some of them think that the people in noah's time were very scientifically advanced and they did some genetic experiments and that's where the dinos came from... and then god flooded the whole earth to get rid of the scourge of the earth. and that would explain why carbon dating claims the world is millions and millions of years old when the bible claims that the world is only 6000 (give or take a thousand years). that doesn't explain why the fastest dinos wouldn't have their bones only in the mountains... or do they think that the flood messed everything up? i dunno...

so, anyone have any other crazy religious explanations? just curious.

wooty woot!

i found my pills! i'm such a moron.

anyway, we can commence having mind-numbing, earth-shaking, hip-rolling, orgasm-inducing, roller coaster-screaming, eye-popping, dirty-talking, bitch-slapping (er, uhm... wait. no. not that one) SEX. :D


what is it with people and their effin' babies????

no offense to parents... but your baby is probably only cute to you. don't get me wrong. i love kids. i love to hold them and play with them... and then i like to return them to the parents...

don't make us feel all obligated to tell you your baby's cute when your baby's just SO not cute...

i'm hearing this parent in another cube showing off his pics of his baby girl to another co-worker. i've seen this baby in person. she's hideous! when people think a baby is just cute because she's a baby, that's bullshit. there are ugly babies and there are cute babies.

i already know with all this shit i'm talking we're going to have an ugly ass kid (sorry, steve)... and i will of course subject anyone who looks at my blog (as well as anyone i come into contact with) to pictures and the daily goings on of my child... (omg, she's soooo smart, do you know what she did yesterday???? blah, blah, blah) i have no doubt i will be expecting people to tell me my child is cute... but until this happens and we have kids, i'm going to continue to talk shit about ugly babies.

just because they're little, it doesn' t make them cute. make him shut the fuck up! i can still hear him... there's just no blocking it out... and i hear all the women cooing and oohing and aaaahing. i can't possibly be the ONLY person here at work that thinks his child is ugly as sin!!! J, your child is hideously ugly. she's an exact replica of YOU. she has your nose... it's even the same size as your nose... holy god... i DON'T CARE that they go to gymboree class twice a week and swimming lessons. holy crap.

i think that these people who want to talk about their children should NOT subject other people to this bullshit. they need to take it outside or into an office or something. i could understand it if someone ASKED him about his girl... NOBODY ASKED!!!! he just busted out a pic and started talking about her. i'm going to strangle somebody.


i think i may have left my pills at jeaneil's house this past weekend.

i just called sav-on to find out how much it would cost me to get a new refill (since insurance will only take care of it once a month)... it's like $31.79 or something like that... and this is the generic pill, too!

wtf? damn. we have good insurance. i only pay $2.90 usually.

i hope jeaneil finds it... son of a whore... no sex this month! :P

the guy across the carports...

i wish i could stay home... this guy lives in our neighborhood... and he NEVER works. i swear to god. he is always there... throwing parties, having the hos over...

where does he get his money from????

he has bbq's every weekend... and during the week, too... he knows everyone in the neighborhood, he listens to mariah carey LOUD on the weekends... he has people over for sporting events... i mean, it's not like he's old and retired.... what, did he win the lottery or something?

but, wtf does he do? i don't know his name... but i don't want to start talking to him because i don't want him to know that i'm completely jealous of his lifestyle... and i definitely don't want him thinking i'm interested in anything about him...

you know how boys are... if you talk to them, they think you want them. and he always listens to his music loud... and boys only do that because they want attention. so i try extra hard not to pay him any attention because boys are stupid...

steve wants to be him when he grows up. hehe...

but, damn. i wish i knew what he did... so i can do it, too... then i can stay home all day lollygagging :D and bbq'ing... and working out... and having hos over and partying :P

he's prolly in porn.

speaking of which... a real porn guy does live in our neighborhood... he was always trying to get steve and me over to check out some of his "films." hehehe... he wanted to know if i wanted to "try out." what a freak. "steve looks like a porn guy." what a moron. hehehe...

this post is making it sound like i live in some seedy area. i really don't. i live in suburbia's suburbs...

what a pleasant surprise...

my hotmail account has 250mb storage now :D

it's about time...

cubicles suck ass

last week, i had no one around me. just my boss in his office and his admin next to me... it was so nice and quiet....

this week, everyone got moved up here. i'm fucking surrounded by people... not just any people... yentes. if you don't know what a yente is, look it up online on a yiddish dictionary. (my boss is jewish.)

it's so loud up here. i hate it! i need a new job. i used to have the mail cube behind me. so i never heard anyone... they changed it to someone's cube. these people are all inside sales people. i hear fake happy people (and real happy people... which is just as annoying) trying to sell... shit. make it stop!!!!! and their phones ring off the hook... my boss is lucky i like him so much. otherwise, i'd be outta here!

how do you spell relief???


holy god. i feel at least 50% better...

yesterday, i could barely walk... just going to my car put me in tears. the chiro said that he couldn't really crack me that well because my muscles were so tight around my spine. he cracked my back a little bit and then he sent me in to get this kickass massage. it was fabulous... i was moaning and groaning.... and drooling...

anyway, then he took me and cracked my back. dude, i'm all misaligned. it's gross. at least now my feet point straight up now. they were all leaning to the right when i was lying down on my back... my shoulders are all fucked up, too....

went home, did the ice treatment and miracle of all miracles, i could move my neck and i could fall asleep without tossing and turning to look for a comfortable enough position to sleep in.

went back in this morning for another treatment. got cracked again (god, i love that shit) and then got another massage... ahhhh... i love that deep tissue massage... he even massaged my head... i actually have volumized hair now. hehe... i've never had volume in my hair! hehe...

i need more massages!!!! more!!!! i don't know if i'm going to get another one on thursday or not. they said something about teaching me exercises. damn :( oh well. 2 massages for a total of $30? not bad :D

they were saying i was one of the tightest people they've ever worked on... they prolly say that to all the girls :P huh huh.


fuck off! my neck and back hurt!

jackass at work: you have a scowl on your face, you know?
me: (not making eye contact... in fact, not even looking up from my screen) yeah, i know. go away.
jackass: oh. uhm. (walks away)

leave me the fuck alone. i hate everyone here right now. fuck.

steve is the king of the one-liners...

but, i might be biased...

so, jules sends us her new orleans itinerary...

s: woo! now we can "earn" even more beads on bourbon street! :P
g: even more? you're getting beads, too, steve? hehehehehe... i can be the pimp! yay!
s: no no, i'm the pimp! i'll be happy to carry some of your overflow when they get too heavy around your neck!
g: but, i want to be the pimp :(
s: okayyy...but only if we run across some wealthy older ladies with beads the size of christmas ornaments...you know, so they're a close match to what i'm flashing to get them :P

he slays me... here's another email conversation regarding muffalettas:

s: i'll take me a whole muff :P
g: not two? :P
s: no no, one is more than enough for me :P

well, at least he knows that men can't handle more than one woman :P although it would be fun to try, huh, steve? :P hehehehehe

goddamn, that's beautiful... every so often, i like to look at the tahitian resort we stayed at in march. ahhhhhh.....

awww, fuck...

i just sneezed and it really hurt my neck and shoulder... this shit's getting old...

at least i got an appt in with a chiropractor who comes highly recommended...

this had better work for me.

son of a whore. this hurts.

new orleans, pt 2

i don't believe this shit... jules actually bought a plane ticket to new orleans!!!

holy shiiiiiit! woohoo! jules is gonna get beads! can i have a couple of yours as souvenirs? :P maybe you and steve can both flash people and i can get double the beads! woohooo!

it's gonna be fun!

don't forget to get your voodoo fest tixx!


my stupid ass bro...

my mom found this "toy" in my bro's room... they left it at my place to see if i could identify it.

i got home this morning and looked at it. at first, i couldn't figure it out... although, i thought it was a little weird that there was a pic of bob marley on the front... and the batteries were almost dead, so it was kind hard to tell...

and then i looked at the teeny tiny little writing... the thing is a miniature scale.... i'm guessing it's for weed... hopefully not for anything harder than that...

but, can anyone tell me if it's for weighing it so he doesn't get screwed when he buys it from someone? or is it for weighing cuz he's selling it??? hrm... whatever. he's out in bumblefuck right now, so he has no use for it... he's so dumb. how is it that he continuously gets caught?

that's why girls seem so evil. (well, we are evil, too...) because they don't get caught. that's because we think shit through. he's such a fucking idiot. how could he possibly be related to me???? scheisse.

i'm baaaaack...

holy god. i'm tired. i woke up at 2:30 this morning so i could get back here... to work. yay. ufff.

so, the weekend was good... saturday we got these great massages... they come to your house (or hotel or wherever you're staying)... i got this guy (cuz i said i didn't care if it was male or female... i'm guessing female masseuses are more popular...) anyway, he was from ukraine... or croatia.... wait... both. whatever. he tried to hook me up with his friend, who was korean, as well. how friggin' hilarious. besides the fact that i'm married, i don't like korean guys. i can't help it. most of them are just not attractive to me. maybe because i can't help but think of my dad and my bro. gross. blech. but, at any rate, i could've had a date on saturday night! hot damn! steve, you're cramping my style! :P hehehe... hehehehe. i'm funny.

then we went to this GREAT tapas place in downtown napa. downtown napa used to suck ass as far as getting good food. all the good food was in yountville or st. helena or calistoga... but now, downtown napa has good food, too :D we ate waaaaaayyy too much... eating tapas reminded me of when we were in barcelona... and we were starving... and we had tapas... sooo good... until i saw the cockroach just hanging out near the food. i almost had a heartattack... but i tried to play it cool because i didn't want them to think i was just another wussy american. hehe. but, really i wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. anyway, the ambience was different, but it was still really great...

then, we went back to jeaneil's and we played the BEST game in the whole widest world! KARAOKE REVOLUTION!!!! hehehe. it was great... we even got jonny to sing a song. hehehe. and he NEVER sings. EVER. it was unbelievable. jeaneil didn't want to play... but after a couple of drinks, we couldn't get her to stop. she was the little platinum record queen. it was funny... jules was a good sport... hehehe... we kept on picking these songs for her when she wasn't paying attention. hehehehe. it was funny as hell...

jules and jonny started doing shots... and they (by they, i mean jonny) gave me a hard time for not doing any shots with them... i couldn't help it! i was full! i ate WAY too much! so, being the sucker for peer pressure that i am, i took a shot against my better judgement. first of all, it was a shot of SMIRNOFF. call me a snob, but i NEVER drink SMIRNOFF... EVER. (unless it's a horrible well drink at a bar and i have no money for anything better...) it's just disgusting. especially for shots. blech. second, i was really, really full... so, i take a shot and i swear, it was just stuck in my throat and i'm trying my hardest to swallow (huh huh... swallow) and make it to the fridge to get some water or ANYTHING to chase it down with, but i can barely see because my eyes are watering so bad... and i can barely breathe because i feel like my chest is on FIRE. good lord. i'm never doing that again...

and jonny kept trying to get jules and me to make out. what's wrong with him, anyway? sheesh... if you're gonna make out with someone, it can't be a friend. it would just be friggin' weird. stupid, stupid boy.

at 2am, we ended up calling larry. wtf is wrong with us? i'm all, uhm... were you sleeping? and then i forgot what else i said to him... then jules talked to him. i have no idea why we even called.

so, larry, if you read this... i'm sorry! i was going to say we're sorry... but i have no idea if they are or not :P

then we went to the wedding on sunday. it was nice. abigail's dress was a much nicer version of mel's dress. hehe. and i'm not just saying that cuz mel and i aren't on speaking terms. ask jules. she'll tell you :P hehehe... and despite the location of the wedding, it was actually quite nice. the only problem was that there was NO ALCOHOL. that's right. you read that correctly... i wanted to die...

i ran into an ex at brabigail's wedding. (brad + abigail = brabigail... see? i'm effin' funny)... he was really weird. i didn't think we broke up on bad terms, really... but he's always been really weird around me the 2 or 3 times we've seen each other... we dated when i was 15 or something like that. he's weird. anyway, this is what happened:

me: hey, what's up? (reaching out for a hug)
ex: hey, (no hug) grace... this is isabel (or whatever her name was... i think it was isabel.)
me: (pretending like i wasn't leaning in for a hug) hi! it's nice to meet you!
gf: nice to meet you!
me: sooo, where'd you meet?
blah, blah, blah...
ex: (giving me a hug) oh, so when did that happen? (pointing at my ring)
me: almost 2 years ago...
blah, blah, blah....

like, what... it's okay for him to give me a hug because i'm married? guys are so retarded.

this is what should've happened:
me: hey, what's up? (reaching out for a hug)
ex: hey (giving me a hug) how're you? (or "nice to see you" or something to that effect...)
me: i'm fine...
ex: this is my gf isabel...
blah, blah, blah

what a fucking retard. he made it unnecessarily uncomfortable. now she thinks something's up, i'm sure... so retarded. guys are STUPID MFs.

anyway, i was going to post pics, but i can't get my stupid, stupid computer to read the sd card. piece of shit. it wouldn't work for shit this morning. my computer wouldn't turn on, then it just shut off once, then it just rebooted on its own. i need a new system. why is my company so cheap?! i mean, we make these things for god's sake.

i'll have to post pics later.... jules does good eyeshadow on herself. :) and for some reason, she refuses to teach me :P it's prolly for the best. i'd fuck it up. hehe... one day, though... i will have pretty eye makeup. yes, i will....

i'm fucking delirious right now. i only got about 3 hours of sleep last night... and my neck is killing me. i'm too old for this shit. no more driving for me.

i'm going to try to get to a chiropractor or something. this is bullshit.