good things... for once...

since it's month-end and everyone already knows how i get stressed the fuck out during month-end, and since it would just stress me out MORE to write about it, i figured i would stop working for two damned minutes and write about good shit that's going on...

1. we're going to visit some friends in february. i haven't seen them in months, so it'll be fun. i'm really excited... :)

2. we're going to see if we can make it into a taping of that 70s show. we tried years ago, but it didn't work out... hopefully this time we'll make it in. and if we don't, we can probably figure out something fun to do in hollywood :)

3. we're going to miami for steve's birthday! i've never gone, so again, i'm really excited. (the bad news part of this is now i REALLY have go to the gym religiously... i'm not gonna be the only chubby girl in south beach :P

4. this doesn't affect me directly, but what the fuck :) steve finally got his office! :) he's been a manager for a long time, but they were being freaking stingy with the offices... before there just wasn't space, but they moved to another building and they were just dragging ASS! i'm going to give him big poster size pictures of me to put in there. hehehe. just kidding, steve. (i have to tell steve that i'm just kidding because, well, i'm insane... and i actually might do it :P hehe) ANYWAY, IT'S ABOUT TIME. ooh, and now he can surf online in complete privacy :P

5. we're going to see margaret cho in april! wooohooo! she fucking kills me! i want to have 10,000 of her babies. okay. maybe not 10,000.

okay, now back to BITCHING ABOUT WORK... but i'll save that for another post. :)

ooh, and one more #6. my boss' daughter is sooo cute. she went out and bought me a stuffed animal bunny. a white one like mine... (minus the pink eyes, though)... in appreciation for helping her out... and she hand made me a thank you card. it's too cute. and there are little bunny stickers in it!

i missed my calling in life

apparently, i should've been a professional girl scout cookie seller. my boss' admin is out today so he asked me to do him a favor and sell some cookies for him... his daughter. whatever.

i sold over 130 boxes. i lost count after that. shit, i was selling to people i didn't even know.

he should pay me some commission or something... hehe. he asked me if i was "hocking my wares." hehehe....

i can't wait until they come in. i'm going to eat all of mine. and i'm not sharing...

several people asked me how old my girl was... DAMN IT! apparently, i look old enough to have a girl scout aged daughter. son of a bitch! girl scout age better be two! fuckers!

one lady got all upset with me saying how i should have my daughter sell them door to door on her own and how my daughter wasn't going to learn anything... and how she wasn't going to buy any because she bought some from a girl who was going door to door.

yeah, whatever, bitch. if you're not going to buy stop wasting my time with your jibber jabber. sheesh.


sweet! someone just walked by my desk and i had them buy 4 more boxes. selling girl scout cookies is easy. but, god, what a freakin' rip off. $4 per box. rat bastards.

it's been so long since my last girl scout cookie hit, i think i went a little nuts. they freeze well, though. apparently. that's what it says on the order form.

i hate being this busy. i don't have time to catch up on blogs or write anything. it sucks.

and every month it gets worse. selling girl scout cookies is way more fun than working... :P

supah-dupah busy today...

and it sucks... but i thought i'd leave you some happiness...

i love people who are completely insane.

it disgusted me for about 2.5 seconds. then i just laughed and laughed... i mean, how can you NOT laugh at such inane shit!

*sigh* crazy landover baptists! always good for a chuckle!

I CAN'T SLEEP!!!!

if you know anything about me, i LOVE eating, having sex, and sleeping. and not necessarily in that order.

christ! i woke up around 3:30 and now i can't go back to sleep. this is really painful for me. reminds me of my pre-steve days when i'd get maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night. every night.

good god. i wanna go back to sleep. that'll teach me to take a muscle relaxer before going to bed. my feet felt a little tingly last night, but that was about it. i didn't feel particularly sleepy or anything. i should've known better. i knew i should've mixed it with alcohol. :P that would've knocked me out for longer.

so, i had a really good bday last night... got lots of bday booty. well, not the sex kind. i was on the phone with buddies wishing me a happy birthday and steve took that opportunity to get some sleep. smart man. he knew better than to stay awake and have to give me sex. he never gets sleep any other day, anyway. but... i'll bet if we had sex i wouldn't have woken up. DAMN IT! *note to self: sex instead of or together with muscle relaxer*

we went to a moroccan restaurant last night. i like places where you share food. i dunno. makes it more intimate somehow. and everything was ME SIZED! :D the seats were really low... i actually "yelped" when the seat wasn't exactly where i expected it. i felt a sense of panic because for a split second, i thought i was going to hit the ground. but, i felt right at home! :D i love when everything's low to the ground! and the couches all along the wall had tons of pillows all over it. it was comfy. so comfy that after we ate, all i wanted to do was sleep.

we went to marrakesh in costa mesa. (for those of you in socal, that's at the end of the 55. if you're headed down the 55S, make a u-turn at 17th -where triangle square is... i think it's the 17th, at least) they give you a lot of freakin' food, so you have to be starving when you go. luckily, i'm always starving.

they have a fixed menu, but you have a choice of main courses. and it costs i think $30-$35 a person. they start you off with a vegetable soup, salad (not your typical lettuce, tomato salad), bread (with anise seeds ... sooo good... and i hate anise, usually), this really fucking tasty appetizer... i can't remember the name, but it's this flaky pastry shell on the outside, filled with tasty chicken filling on the inside. served really HOT like i like food... then the meal... we got the shrimp kabobs with couscous (mmm, couscous) and lemon chicken. and then dessert was a belly dancer! :D okay. actually dessert was baklava (mmm, baklava) and fresh fruit and the tastiest tea ever. i love tea. mmm... anyway, there was just a fucking assload of food. i couldn't be happier. :D

but there actually was a belly dancer there, though. she would try to get people to get up and dance with her. she didn't have many moves, though. except for that one where she bends all the way back. okay. that's one more move than i've got, so i won't make fun. and she's clicking away with those little castanets or whatever the fuck those things are called. you know, those little mini-cymbal thingies. so it was like it was steve's birthday, too! :P

at any rate, it was fun. i can see that place getting PACKED on the weekend. thank god my bday was on a wednesday. it was nice and quiet and intimate.

i really wanna go back to sleep, but i think i'll be even MORE tired when i have to wake up at 6:45 or 7... what to do, what to do, what to do?

*a special thank you to everyone who sent me cards, e-cards, phone calls, good wishes and GIFTS my way. i love all of you. especially those of you who sent me gifts :P hehe. no, really. it was all so thoughtful and sweet... THANK YOU AGAIN.*

10 years

i have been having tons of dreams lately about people i went to high school with. i don't know if it's because it's my bday today or what, but every night, these people haunt my dreams...

i graduated from high school in 1995. yeah, do the math... my 10 year high school reunion is coming up in april. normal high schools just have one night, i think. but i went to a boarding school, and it's a whole fucking weekend of fun, fun, fun!

(i will now answer the most asked questions when people find out i went to a boarding academy. i didn't do anything BAD to get into boarding school, it wasn't a school for bad kids, it wasn't an all-girls school, and, finally, NO, we did NOT have flirty pillow fights in little short shorts and pigtails.)

at any rate, Alumni Weekend is coming up in a few months. i don't really want to go. i mean, really, what's the fucking point? everyone i want to talk to or see, i talk to or see now... do i really care? maybe part of me is kind of anxious because i don't want it to be awkward. i know mel's going to be there (not mel mega) and we haven't talked since... august or something of last year.

maybe i don't feel like answering all the questions that i'm sure will come up from people about why we're not hanging out... i mean, we were inseparable in high school... and even after that.

i don't know. things are so not how i thought things were going to turn out when i was 18. i thought for sure i'd be living in northern cali... either in wine country or SOMEWHERE in the bay area. i never thought i'd be married... i mean, good god, i never thought i'd be living the suburban lifestyle... it just seems funny to see how life turned out.

i'm not saying i regret any of it. it's just ... different than i thought it would be. i'd never trade steve in for a swanky loft in san francisco... though i might whore him out for one :P and do i want steve to be there at this stupid reunion? i don't want him to be bored out of his fucking mind. although, i think i will need a designated driver for the evenings :P hehe. just kidding, baby. okay, i'm not. i'm a selfish bitch. i know.

i don't even fucking know why i'm feeling anxiety over this stupid reunion. i mean... why do i even care? i'm friends with jonny again (one of 3 "serious" boyfriends i had in high school) and the others weren't in my class so they won't be there... it really shouldn't matter.

i think it's gotta be the mel factor. like i feel guilty or something about backing out of her wedding. i don't exactly regret doing it. but for some reason, i guess i feel bad for hurting her feelings... maybe. i don't fucking know.

i wonder how much jeaneil and julia will want to kick my ass if i just don't go. what to do, what to do? all that stupid ass shit we'll have to do all weekend... stupid alumni versus "varsity" basketball games, WORSHIP SERVICES (went to a christian school), what else? i don't remember now. god, i'm already losing my memory.

i'm torn. do i go? do i make steve go? i should probably go. i mean, this is probably the last time i will ever go back... but i don't really want to go. i don't know. i should go. yeah.

yeah.

maybe.

birthdays...

just wanted to say thanks for all the nice birthday wishes! :)

and thanks to giest, yb, and veronica for the e-cards.... so much love! :D

also, it's also david and kurt's bdays today, as well... even if you don't know them, check out their blogs and wish them a happy bday today!

we january 26'ers have to stick together! :P

*update* thanks, larry for the hot little monkey stripper e-card. :P you know how to make a girl swoon.

tired...

why am i so fucking tired??? i went to bed last night at 9. and i'm STILL tired. steve usually tries to tell me that i'm tired when i'm not working out. but i've been working out... and i'm still fucking tired... i can barely function today.

the more i listen to the killers, the more i like them. the first time i heard them, i thought maybe they were a little overrated, but i thought i'd give them another listen. i love them now. i'm going to load them up on my mp3 player so i can listen to them on repeat without driving steve crazy. brandon flowers looks a little bit too... much like a pretty boy, though. too much ben affleck, not enough billie joe.

the killers were on SNL a few weeks ago with topher grace. i think he's an underrated actor. i love him. he's got great comedic timing... and he's so versatile.

i used to love that 70s show. well, i still do, i just haven't watched it in... years. i don't know why. i'm going to just have to buy all of the dvd box sets when they come out.

steve and i went to hollywood once to try to get into the studio audience... that didn't work out so well. but that was the first time i ever had boba... aka bubble tea. mmm... tapioca pearls... i guess that was a while ago. i don't feel like i'm getting older, but....

today's the last day that i'll ever be 27.

sunday

so, steve's mom (who is the nicest mother-in-law a girl could ever ask for) drove down yesterday to take us out to lunch... she only lives about 20 minutes away, but she doesn't like driving on the freeways and such, so this was a big thing for her!

at any rate, we went to souplantation, which is my favorite buffet place (besides las brisas on saturday morning for breakfast).

while we were eating, his mom starts talking about steve's cousin, audrey, and her husband, darryl.

mom: i heard audrey and darryl may be trying to have a baby soon...

we discuss this for a while... and then...

mom: babies are just so expensive now... everything's so overpriced... etc, etc, etc...

and she's going on and on ... totally making it sound like she wasn't looking to have grandkids anytime soon. and i'm buying it hook, line, and sinker...

she gets up to check out the desserts... and i say to steve, "see, your mom doesn't even want us to have kids... she's not anxious to be a grandparent or anything!"
steve: yeah, she does... that's just our family's way of trying to get information....
me: DAMN IT! tricksy little mom... she set me up! she probably planned the trip down here with aunt ruth... they're trying to get grandkids out of one of us... GAH!!!!
steve: yup...
me: GAH!!! so, did i give up any information?
steve: nope.
me: GOOD.

damn it! she's a sly one... i'm going to have to pay more attention.

after i found out she was trying to garner information, i noticed that she kept on bringing the subject back to babies... like, if my parents were bugging us about having kids... how the korean lady at her work wanted to know if there were babies on the way, the other married cousin's pregnancy status (no one knows), the pregnant lady's fashion choices at the next table... okay, fine. that was me bringing it up. but, GOD, that shirt don't fit you no mo'. stop wearing it! i do NOT want to see your belly or the dark line that goes from your swollen belly button all the way down to your... you know... *down there*. jeezus.

anyway, she is a grandma. what's our bunny to her, huh? chopped liver???

Minako Update

so, last night, minako calls me.

minako: hi, grace... it's minako!
me: hey! what's going on?
minako: not much *small talk - blah, blah, blah* so, about miami...
me: yeah?
minako: looks like chad will most likely come out, too...
me: oh, yeah? cool... that's great!
minako: so i'm thinking that we may need our own room...
me: yeah, sure, of course... no problem...
minako: because we're planning on having really wild sex.
me: uhm... HAHAHAHA... okay... thanks... uhm... okay...
minako: no, i'm serious. we're planning on having wild sex.
me: HAHAHAHA... okay...
minako: (finally starts laughing)

i swear to god, that woman wants to give me a heart attack. maybe it's only funny to me because i know what chad looks like. KIDDING, KIDDING. he's a nice looking guy.

(steve, you tell him i said that, i will hurt you, so help me god. hehe)

working is for suckers!

got this off of 8zero8's blog. it's freaking addictive. i want to keep playing, but i have stupid work to do...

check it.

last night

we went to the huntington beach beer co. just one of those brewing places that have a restaurant. it's on main street in HB. (btw, the calamari is gross. absolute shite. don't eat it. the fries and the onion rings on the other hand... mmm mmm mmmm)

anyway, we were there because a couple that steve knows is moving to denver, CO. chad and steve have known each other for about 12 years now. chad is funny. actually, chad reminds me a lot of mike. hehe. but, not as funny.

chad and his wife, minako (emphasis is on the first syllable) were high school sweethearts. cute, huh? minako was a foreign exchange student at chad's school.

now, minako is japanese. take every japanese stereotype you have and throw it out the window. this lady is ... not very "japanese." first off, she's TALL. she's like, 5'11". i shit you not. maybe 6'0" i don't know. she's FUNNY and LOUD and doesn't have any real sense of ... uhm... decorum or shame. she used to do amateur nights at comedy clubs. i mean, the lady's funny. her english is fluent, but she still has a slight japanese accent.

chad and minako are about 38 now. they don't have any kids. minako looks really good for 38. really good. it's not that she looks like she's 18 or anything, but the older she gets, the better she looks.

anyway, i'm going to miss them. they're a funny couple. and as bold and brash as she can be, you can't NOT like her. she's never malicious in anything she says, so, it doesn't really bother me.

we were talking about maybe going to miami in feb. and she basically just invited herself along and said, if you guys don't mind sharing a room with me... i mean, how can you say no to her, right? she's just so freakin' charming. anyway, so we said it was fine... and she says, "oh, good... we'll just get two beds... and if you guys wanna go ahead and have sex, that's fine........ i'll just watch."

the shit that comes out of her mouth just kills me. i guess i don't really expect it from her because it's not like she and i are that close. i would say that to one of my friends in a heartbeat, but they know me. i have only hung out with her a handful of times. i don't feel comfortable saying that kind of shit to her, but she's comfortable around everyone.

unfortunately, i can't remember all of the gems she was saying last night, but the best thing she said all night was while we were leaving. (she was wearing a pink top, a pink jacket, jeans, pink shoes, pink bag...)

(keep in mind that she talks pretty loudly)
she stands up: am i pink enough for ya?
me: that's uhm... a lot of pink...
minako: i'm wearing a pink bra, too..
me: really?
minako: my nipples are pink, too.
me: mouth open, eyes wide... then i start laughing my ass off...

all the guys at the bar perk up with the word nipple and they're looking at us walking out. minako's completely oblivious to this... and then says:

i wish. you know, asian nipples are never really PINK. they're like... brown, little raisins or something. well, i guess it depends on the size of the nipple... and she's going on and on and on.

oh my god. i nearly died. i was laughing so fucking hard. well, you have to love her. i'm going to miss her. it's not a party at our house unless minako shows up. hehe.

i think we may be planning to go visit them over the 4th of july weekend. i've never been to CO.

i'm sorry...

so very sorry... i couldn't help it. david h. is just so fucking funny to me!

sorry to have subjected everyone to that... okay, i'm not that sorry.

since i'm on a photo kick, here's a picture of my second tattoo. i got it in... well, fuck. i can't remember the year now. must've been 2001. oh yeah. it was 2001. i got it the summer steve and i started dating.

i was up north on a business trip and jules came up to san francisco to visit me. we got matching tats. aren't we just too cute? :P i got both my tats at the same place in SF. (not at the same time) the cold steel location in the castro district.

our tattooist was so nice and so cool... of course i can't remember his name now. FUCK. anyway, they were playing mujaji there at the time. i got the cd so i could always remember it. i'm such a sap, huh? for some people, smells and photos remind them of memories and things they've done... for me, it's music. anyway, here it is...



i want another one, but i have nowhere to put it. i mean, i like to keep my tats in places that are somewhat easy to hide and that won't sag too much when i'm old. heh.

bonus points if anyone can guess correctly what it says... and you're not allowed to guess if i've told you what it means. cheaters. or if you're julia.

THE HOFF

i will admit that when i was a kid, i really, really liked that show knight rider. it was one of my favorites... and i will EVEN ADMIT to having a crush on david hasselhoff. he was the well-coiffed man of my dreams. well, he had the car of my dreams, at least. sure, laugh at me. whatever. that hairy chest, that hot bod, the car, that furrowed brow, the chiseled bone structure... and GOD, who could forget the LEATHER!

okay. fine. i was retarded. come on! what did i know? i was a damned immigrant. ANYWAY... this is a pictorial tribute to david hasselhoff... some of these... are fucking classic!!!

*unfortunately, i could only get 11 out of the 12 pics to come out okay. one short of a calendar year. DAMN IT!*

wow! wet, white shirt. *meeeow*! also, i would like a pair of leather pants like those...with the laceup in the front? yeah. i think those are pretty hot. god, would you look at that stance? makes him look TUFF with a capital T.



mmm, 80s. you can't help but just LOVE that hair! it's all poofy and shit. and the nice RED mock turtle neck. he just looks so dreamy in red! and he was just so ahead of his time, too... lookit that big belt buckle! somehow, he just knew that junior high school girls everywhere (and paris hilton) in 2004 would be sporting those... are those still in? tell me they're not. i hate them.



nothing says manly like a leather top and bikini briefs. nothing.



is it cold in germany or something? come here, hoff... you can have my love to keep you warm.



david hasselhoff... a true american... waving that american flag furiously in front of his german audience. MMM! leather pants again!



awwwww... david in a cuddlier moment... i'll bet you he's wearing leather pants here, too... you just can't see them in this pic.



sing it, david, sing it... god! he makes me swoon. matching leather! mmm, i love the way you hold that mic, david...



is that an outline of KITT in the background? and does PETA know about his leather fetish?



okay, well... this might be the second manliest picture of him... with that little bandana around his neck, on the bike and that come-hither look on his face...



damn! we got the double guns going on here!



and just for the holidays! lookit that little boy pose! the little slippers and the adorable hat with his name embroidered on it! THIS is the money shot... booyah! (did you notice he's holding mini-mes? well, mini-hims, i guess they are... so very artsy!)




you're welcome.

PLAYBOY

there's just something about that word that apparently makes normal, sane men turn into rabid dogs.

steve was the recipient of an email. they (i don't know who "they" are) were looking for 10 asians between the ages of 21-38 to be some cliche group of tourists. they don't have to do anything dirty or risque. they just have to be extras.

he wants me to send in a picture and apply to be an extra in this TV playboy production. why? so i can tell him what goes down at the shoot.

can't you just picture it? a group of asian tourists giggling with their fingertips over their mouths and pointing at the buxom blonde, buxom brunette, and the buxom redhead doing "naughty" things to each other. and... well, i need to watch more porn, apparently, because i'm fresh out of ideas. i don't know what happens after that.

anyway, besides the fact that it's on a friday (i can't even take enough time off work to donate blood!) i am a little camera shy. also, you know the camera adds 10 lbs. and good lord, i don't need that.

i think he's hoping i get "discovered" by a "talent scout." hey, newsflash! my boobs aren't nearly big enough for me to be a porn star!

betcha didn't know steve was so very bad, huh? :P i will have to punish him later :P

i just wanted some fucking hot water for my fucking tea!

it's freezing in our building. everyone that works around me for some reason likes to have it waaaay below 70 degrees in here. i drink hot tea because i like it and it helps keep me warm. well, warmer than i would be. because i'm still fucking cold.

i walk down to the end of the hallway where the "coffee club" has their coffee machine. to be in the coffee club you pay a few bucks a month and you get unlimited coffee and creamer and sugar and all that other good stuff. if you're not part of the coffee club you pay 25 cents a cup for coffee. the coffee's made with one of those big, industrial, 4 pot holding coffee machines with the little hot water spigot on it. that's where i get my hot water for my tea. that's where all of us non-coffee drinking FREAKS get our water.

some woman i've NEVER SEEN BEFORE is getting her coffee there. she's taking up the whole station. she's not "big-boned" or anything. just a normal woman. she's standing in front of the spigot and putting herself between me and the machine. she's just putting sweet 'n' low in her cup. she doesn't need to be standing there. she just DOESN'T! and she's taking forever. she won't move. i wait for 30 seconds or so...

"excuse me, do you mind if i just squeeze in there and get some hot water?" i'm EVEN SMILING AT HER AND BEING FRIENDLY. people, that's huge for me.

she replied, "yes, i do mind."
"uhm... okay..."
"do you have a quarter to put in there? it doesn't look like it. if you want something, you need to put a quarter in the tin."

WHAT THE FUCK?

"i'm just getting hot water. not coffee. coffee's 25 cents a cup. not the water."
"well, as long as i'm standing here, i'm not letting you get anything."

what, did she think that i was going to sneak in a cup of coffee or something? jesus christ!

so we spent a few uncomfortable seconds just glaring at each other...

so then i was like, fuck it. i have too much shit to do... since i'm near the bathroom, i left my mug on top of the file cases nearby and went to the restroom...

"whatever, lady..." (yeah, i know. quick and witty comeback. i rule!)

i go to the restroom and there's PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT. ALL OVER IT! i walk out of the stall, and i'm about to go to the next and there's someone in it. and the door's ajar. why don't they just use the damned lock...

so, she's taking a shit. GREAT. so, what do i do? what do i do? what do i do? so i clean the toilet off with LOTS OF toilet paper... put 5 of those toilet covers on it. squat over the seat... and go. it was really difficult. it's hard enough to pee when someone's taking a shit near you... but when their door's open???

and i look on the floor, and there's PISS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. WHAT THE FUCK? it's not a unisex bathroom... how does a woman get piss all over the seat and the floor? what, was she trying to pee standing up? i don't fucking get it!

so now i feel all grody and shit... as soon as i get out of the restroom, i drag my feet all the way back over to the water station to get that nasty piss off of my boots...

and HALLE-FUCKIN'-LUJAH... the water nazi's gone. i was afraid she was going to wait for me to get out of the bathroom. i would've had to wipe the bottom of my shoes off on her leg or something.

SO I GOT MY FUCKING HOT WATER! TAKE THAT, YOU FUCKING HOT WATER NAZI BITCH WHORE... SMELLY STUPIDHEAD. I HATE YOU. sorry. got carried away... yeah. *sigh*

today's blood donating day...

and i don't know if i have time to donate today. that makes me a little sad.

You have to have a hard shell... like a turtle!

jeanette's comment to my previous post reminded me of my 5th grade teacher. it could've been 6th grade. i don't remember because it was the same damned teacher.

i went to a very small christian private school.* there might have been 25 kids from K-8. maybe. i mean, the 8th grade graduating class had like 2 people in it or something absurd like that.

there were benefits to going to a tiny christian school, though... i have no idea what they are, but i'm sure there must be... unless my parents hated me and just wanted me to suffer...

anyway, there were two teachers there. one for K-4 and one for 5-8. the teacher for grades 5-8 was mrs. carrico. i'm calling her mrs. c because i can't remember for the life of me how to spell her goddamned last name. i don't know. and i don't fucking care. anyway, the other teacher was mr. m. i don't fucking remember how to spell his last name either. manente or something fucked up like that. i'm going off on another tangent. sorry.

i only have a few memories from this school... this one is particularly vivid, though. this guy, peter was mrs. c's favorite. and mrs. c and mr. m never even tried to hide the fact that they had their favorites. they would buy them gifts and treat them all nice in class and they were never rude to these kids. they treated them like people and the rest of us they treated like shit. i never even thought about it until i was older. when you're a kid, sometimes you forget that your teacher is human, too. they should have their teaching credentials stripped. they did us so much wrong.

at any rate, peter would tease me mercilessly. and i was such a sensitive child.** one day i'd had enough and i burst out into tears. mrs. c (who also happened to be the principal) called me into her office and she was concerned and asked me what was wrong...

"peter... *sob*sob* won't leave me alone. *hiccup* he..."

with the mention of peter's name, she stiffened up, handed me a tissue and said, "you know life isn't always easy and you have to be tough. you have to have a hard outer shell... like a turtle!" and that last part was said with so much enthusiasm... it was sickening.

with those words, i immediately stopped crying. i walked out of her office and i learned that i'm the only person who will take care of me. i can't depend on anyone else to protect me. i guess in a way, it was good that she didn't baby me. christ, i don't even remember what peter was teasing me about. but i know that whenever someone gets to me, i always think of mrs. c. but not exactly fondly. i still say she was a cunt.

so yeah. i AM a marshmallowy, gushy person, but don't fuck with me.. because i'll fucking cut you!


*don't send your kids to private schools. they'll turn out fucked up. i should know! lookit me! i'm fucking loony!

**i really was! i wasn't always this way! i had been babied all my life. i was the baby of the family. and then my sister passed away and it was even worse! to this day, despite my sister being younger than me, i'm still daddy's girl. they don't baby me like they used to, but they were very protective of me. more so after my sister passed away.

iowa

so, my brother's been in iowa for a few months now. his progress is, well, up and down. they say that's to be expected. i say he's an idiot.

it's disappointing, to be sure, but what can you do when you have a stupid brother, right?

for example... he says he should just come home because he's concerned about all the money my parents are spending there. first of all, he didn't give a fuck about their money when he was living at home, stealing from them. second of all, if he was SO fucking concerned, shouldn't he be trying extra hard to graduate from the program early? that's his backwards logic. he just doesn't fucking GET IT.

at any rate, several months ago, i went to this "seminar" thing so i could translate for my parents. it taught me a few things and i think it helped me want to be a better person. i see myself slipping into my old ways, though. i need to fix that. my temper is starting to get out of control again. oh, look! it's all about me again! GAH!

ANYWAY, the kids have to take a very similar seminar. my brother flunked out of it. they felt he wasn't taking it seriously enough so he was asked to leave. there's another seminar for him coming up in early february. i want him to do well and i want him to make it through, but in a way i don't...

you see, if he passes this seminar, it makes him eligible for PC1 (parent-child meeting 1) in march. unfortunately, it doesn't appear that my mom will be able to get those 2 days off. (you need one full day for travel because it's out in BUMBLEFUCK!) and my father simply CAN NOT go by himself. he's the world's biggest pushover and my brother knows it. if my dad goes out there by himself, he'll most likely bring my brother home and that would be a HUGE mistake.

so, that leaves me. i don't really want to go. i mean, i can't promise that i will remain objective. i can't promise that i'm not going to get emotional and i can't promise that i won't go absolutely apeshit on my dad or my brother... not that they're expecting that of me, but i don't want to show my brother that i'm weak ... or susceptible to... his manipulation or anything he has to say.

but, if he doesn't pass the seminar, PC1 will get pushed back and my mom could possibly be able to make it to the next one.

and i feel horribly selfish for not wanting to go and help out. but, i don't know if i can handle that trip. and with just my dad? he's so needy!!! i love him, but christ, i have to do everything for him. maybe i am a horrible person... i don't know...

i guess i'll find out in the beginning of february if i need to make plans to go... and i know it's a little early to be worrying about whether i need to go, but i can't help it. i'm a fucking stressmonkey. i always have been, i always will be, i guess.

DEVASTATED

that's me. completely devastated.

all this time, i thought that i have never farted in front of steve. he broke the news to me the other night. i have from time to time farted in my sleep. I'VE WOKEN HIM UP NO LESS...

my farts have startled him. in his sleep! holy crap. i have never been so fucking mortified in my life! (except for that time in high school when my boyfriend's mom caught us making out, but that's a whole other story.)

he says it's cute, but... there's NOTHING cute about farting. NOTHING. god, i just hope that they didn't smell.

just so i don't end my day on a negative note, yet again...

tomorrow's hump day!

but maybe i'll get lucky and it'll be hump day today :P muwahaha.

it's not even the end of the fucking month yet...

and i'm getting those month-end jitters... i think it's mostly because i know i'm going to be COMPLETELY FUCKED at the end of this month.

shit is seriously starting to hit the fan.

it's just spinning way out of my control right now.

i feel... powerless. and now i have the stress-munchies. so, not only am i going to be stressed out, i'm going to be fat, too. juuuust fucking fabulous.

thanks, AB...

i can now fantasize about bill gates...

what a great follow up to my eye candy post :P

i'm going to get the giggles in a few seconds...

i'm big pimpin'...

my pimp name is Macktastic Bon Shizzle.

what's yours??????

weekend

so, after i got my hair trimmed on saturday morning, i went to see the acupuncturist. he is consistently mortified at the state my back is in. he's always super good to me because he's friends with my mom. and he's a nice man. my dad always makes jokes that my mom wants to have an affair with him. at least they'd better be jokes. because the thought of my mother having sex makes me want to vomit.

ANYWAY, i used to never think that acupuncture worked, but get a few of those needles in the right place and i fall asleep within 2 minutes. and it'll be a deep sleep. like the REM kind. he'll come back in 10-15 minutes and i'll already have had at least one dream. it's suprisingly relaxing. i'm going back this next saturday. my back isn't all fucked up like it normally is. it's nice. according to him, i need to learn how to relax. i don't know. i don't think it's something i can do. even when people might think i'm relaxed, i'm really not.

i'm just a fucking bundle of nerves.

but i'm paranoid because he's friends with my mom. so every time i see him, i ask him not to tell my mom about the tattoo on my back. for some reason, he thinks my mom is an open-minded woman. (oh, god, they'd better not be swingers!) i told him that she wasn't. he doesn't believe me. but he wasn't there when i got my ears pierced. it's not even like i was getting my 6th ear piercing or anything. i'm talking about the first ones. at the bottom. when i was 18 years old. i was fucking EIGHTEEN when i got my ears pierced. and my mother cried. not just cried, like sobbed or anything like that.

i mean the woman FLUNG HERSELF ONTO THE FLOOR, BEAT HER CHEST and CRIED. like WAILED.

drama queen.

at any rate, yeah. can you imagine what she'd do if she saw my tattoo? to this day, i don't wear tank tops to their home. i wear long t-shirts. long, colored t-shirts. it doesn't matter that they live in the hottest fucking place in california.

open-minded my ass. and you'd think she'd be a little less hard on me because my brother sold drugs. i mean, come on. at least i'm just putting a little ink on my skin. i'm not pushing people to do drugs and shit. but no. i think everything's just equally bad to her. no gray. just black and white.

but as crazy as my mom is, i still love her. i'd better. i mean, christ, i'm turning into her already. it's frightening.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

warning (for jeanette): the rest of the post is about the 2 movies we watched this weekend.

troy was HORRIBLE. i do have to say, i might want to find myself a leather mini-skirt, kinda like brad pitt's. but not so pleated. and the helen of troy was ... god! i don't know. i'm so damned frustrated! GAH! SHE'S the face that was supposed to launch a thousand ships? PUH-LEAZE. so, brad pitt is supposed to be achilles. and his cousin is this little guy named patruclus or patrecles or whatever the fuck. i swear this guy is one of the kids from hanson. mmm bop, indeed. let's see, what else did i hate about this movie...

oh yes, BRAD PITT IS OVERRATED. he's not even good looking. ew.

one thing i did love. peter o'toole as king priam. i almost fucking cried when he said, " I loved my boy from the moment he opened his eyes to the moment you closed them." so i'm a sap. sue me.

the other flick, about a boy was charming to say the least. in a nutshell, hugh grant is a man who never has had to have a job or had to be an adult. he was selfish and happy to be that way. he meets a boy who has to be too grown up for his age. hugh learns how to be a grown up when he realizes that the only person who means anything to him is this boy. i assure you, this movie has nothing to do with pedophilia. gross. at any rate, about a boy was based on a book by the same name. this author (nick hornby) also wrote high fidelity. 'nuff said.

teaberry ice cream

ever heard of it?

i can't even find a link for it. it's a regional flavor, mostly found in pennsylvania, i believe.

not even eastern penn. i think it's found mostly in bumblefuck. you know, where steve's from :P

at any rate, yankeebob found some. so he and i had some chats and he arranged to have it shipped to me... we had originally tried to maybe get it in for xmas so i could surprise steve with a christmas gift for once (rat bastard makes me buy stuff off his amazon wishlist)... but it was nowhere to be found.

but then miraculously, yb found some. and he talked to his shipping department who was able to ship it out to me in dry ice. ya know, when i asked my shipping department about maybe getting something shipped, they were quiet for a while and then replied, "you can ship ice?"

GAH!

but yb's shipping department is apparently much more informed than my shipping department. hey, did you know that dry ice is considered a dangerous item? i had no idea. and what the fuck is it made out of? all i know is that the shit works GOOD. heh. the ice cream was rock fucking solid when i got it in. i was so excited.

and for the first time ever, i surprised steve. hah! shipping was kinda expensive, but it was worth it... and it's so tasty. i can't even describe what it tastes like.

anyway, so this post is dedicated to yankeebob because he rules. even more than dry ice! thanks! :) you should be getting your package in the next couple of days :)

the imperfections of steve...

apparently, everyone thinks steve is just perfect because i've never said anything bad about him. i mean, christ! people who don't even know him take his side! (ahem, veronica!) hehe.

SO! in an effort to make steve a little more human, here is a list of things about him that aren't perfect.

1. he goes to church every sunday with his mom. what a damned mama's boy, huh? i mean, come on! be a man! would it kill you to stay home one sunday???

2. he goes to the gym at least every other day. he's trying to tell me i'm fat. he goes just to make me feel guilty. i know it. so because he goes, i have to go... can you believe he thinks i'm fat???

3. i only get "wifey appreciation days" a few times a year. what an inconsiderate bastard! only a few times a year do i get little gifts and tokens of appreciation. jeez. why doesn't he appreciate me? i do most of the cooking and cleaning! (okay, laundry's his job because he doesn't trust me with his whites.) but i mean, come on! i should be getting shit monthly! at least!

4. he has 2 other part-time jobs besides his full-time job. isn't it obvious? he just doesn't want to spend time with me. he'll think up any excuse not to give me cuddles! pffff.

5. he won't come until i've had multiple orgasms. it's enough to make a girl wanna fake them! sometimes, you just want him to be done with... d'oh! i know what it is... he thinks i'm unattractive and it just takes him longer to come, i guess. he thinks i'm unattractive! RAT BASTARD!

so, there you have it. the list goes on and on, but i won't continue... i mean, you get the point, don't you? (it's enough to make me hurl, i tell ya.)

*i love my hubby... i'm just waiting for him to blow one day... hehehe*

it's sunday and i'm online...

i almost never get on the computer on weekends. it's just so brutal! i mean, i'm on the computer 9-10 hours a day straight at work. sometimes i get to take a lunch! but, i don't typically like to look at the screen during ME time. but i'm on... and it's for a good reason.

i'm loading up some maps onto my new GPS system! a friend got me a navman icn510 for my birthday. it's a little early, but she lives far away, and since we saw each other recently, she wanted to give it to me in person. what a nice gift. she knows that i have NO FUCKING SENSE OF DIRECTION... i could go to a place maybe 3 times and still not know where the fuck i am and how the fuck i got there.

and steve does nothing to help the matter. he'll take different routes to a place for the first fucking 10 times we go someplace. and he expects me to be able to find it again? what is he, insane? i'm sorry, i wasn't a fucking boy scout. i just recently learned that in the northern hemisphere, moss grows on the north side of the trees. interesting tidbit. although, it's not really that useful seeing as how i'm a city girl and there isn't any moss on the trees here. but next time i get lost in the woods, i will try to remember that instead of freaking out.

but to be honest, even though i know that moss grows on the north side of trees, i am not sure that will help me... because, i wouldn't have known which direction i came from.

i'm fucking hopeless.

at any rate, i have this cool new portable gps system. so i was on the computer loading up maps. of course i only have a 128mb SD card... so i could only put southern cal, central cal (which includes napa, THANK GOD) and nevada in it... (for my next trip to vegas... which WILL be full of debauchery, goddamnit!) maybe i should get a bigger card. eh. fuck it. i can always delete shit if i need to.

so, i'm really hoping that this will help me get to where i'm trying to go. just yesterday, i went to get my hair trimmed and then went to the acupuncturist. however, i never went to the acupuncturist going south on the 5 before. so i got lost. i know. it's really sad.

and you know what fucking drives me insane??? when we're driving along and steve asks me which direction we're heading. in the middle of the day. so i have no sun to guide me! how the fuck am i supposed to know that? and he says: "well, which direction is the beach?"

WHAT??? which fucking direction is the fucking beach? how the fucking hell am i supposed to fucking know this? it's to the west! but i don't know which way west is! am i supposed to stick my dog nose out and smell for saltwater? and then he gets all flustered and points in whichever direction west is supposed to be. he could be lying, too. and i'd never fucking know.

ooh, but now i will! i *heart* my navman. i'll still keep my trusty thomas guide around, though. you never know with this newfangled technology.

i hate public restrooms, part ???

so i go to the restroom. i walk in and this lady is brushing her teeth, but with every stroke, she's gagging. her face is like right next to the faucet and she's gagging. it was weird. at any rate, i go into the only empty stall. and the lady who just walked out just took a NASTY shit. not that she left me any presents in the bowl or anything... but it just STANK. i'm not saying my shit don't stink. but man, it was gross. it's one thing to have to smell your own shit, but someone else's??? EW.

i have a hard time peeing in public anyway, but with the constant gagging noise and the really strong shit smell, i just couldn't do it. finally they walk out... and it's pretty quiet. and in the stall next to me, this lady is whispering to herself. maybe she's praying. i don't fucking know. all i know is that i can't fucking concentrate enough to pee in public even when there aren't crazy ass people next to me!

i wish i had my own private restroom. at least they should put full doors on the stalls. jeezus. i hate being able to see who's coming into the restroom when i'm in the stall. and i hate that when people walk in, they can say, "hi, grace!" because they can SEE ME THROUGH THE CRACKS. couldn't they at least have the fucking decency to NOT LOOK IN THE STALLS??? if the door's shut, it means there's someone IN IT.

*sigh*

propositioned

so, i got propositioned via email because of my blog. well, not because of my blog. because of my profile pic. this is strangely flattering, yet disgusting all at once.

not only that, but by "Big Badd Johnson," no less ... yeah. i know. i know. the name alone makes me swoon.

if i EVER want to have a TORRID AFFAIR i can contact him. sweet! because if you know me at all, i'm all about cheating on my husband.

the funny thing about this whole thing is that, if i were EVER to cheat on steve (which would never happen, just to clarify) MY friends would fucking KILL me. so, besides the fact that i don't want to sleep with anyone else (unless you're a hot chick. if so, gimme a call. muwahaha. kidding. uhm.... yeah.) i'm afraid of a prolonged, PAINFUL death at the hands of my friends. even those friends that i've had since i was 10 years old. they all love steve more than they love me... (and you know who you are, JOHNNY. damned traitor.)

and they all know me well enough to know that... if something ever goes wrong in our marriage, it's most likely my fault. so, not only would i not have a hubby to cuddle at night, none of my friends would want to hear from me ever again.

how fucked up is that? all of my friends (yeah, all 4 of them or whatever. hehe) taking his side... i need new friends. new evil friends... full of debauchery. eh, but since i'm no longer a cheater, i guess i don't really need them. ah well.

well, i wrote Big Badd back to let him know that i wouldn't ever cheat on steve... i don't want to go into too much detail because he lives in costa mesa and god knows, i would never know if we ran into each other... but he would. (cue scary music)

and then he let me know that he was just joking. but not.

so, steve, you'd better not cheat on me! because i have a backup affair guy... who says he can render me into a coma! because god knows i like to pass out after sex! KINKY SEX!

(and here's another clarification - in case Mr. Johnson is reading this - in most of this post, i'm being extremely sarcastic. let me reiterate that i would never cheat on steve. ever. ever. ever. even if he cheated on me... i might tie him down and hurt him, but i wouldn't cheat.)

here's a better pic of larry :P

stolen off of his friendster profile. and it's not sullied with my tongue.

rod, larry, and some chick i don't know. HAR! i like how rod's trying to look all hard in this pic.

hard rod. gross. i think i might puke. no offense, rod :P

larry's new blog *UPDATED*

one of my favorite boys... larry's new blog home.

btw, he's single and he's hot... :P just thought i'd throw that out there...



uhm, please ignore the unflattering picture of me. larry's the one i'm about to lick. i don't know if he has hair now or not. this pic is several months old.

okay, maybe this isn't the BEST pic of larry, but he's very cute. promise. i'll dig around for better pics. oh, and he's got a hot bod, too. well, what i saw of it. :P muwahaha.

oh, btw, larry's not that short. he's just squatting :P

*i knew i missed my calling in life to be a pimp*

eye candy post for Mel Mega

from gaywired.com... because gay boys find the hottest boys. and i'm only putting their first names, because really, who screams out the last name of someone when you're fucking them, right? (in alphabetical order because i'm anal like that...)


Chris


Gabriel (whoa, what's holding up his pants? muwahaha)


George


Jeremy


Jesse


Joseph (whoa... what's holding up HIS pants? yikes)


Nick

and last but not least, MY personal favorite:


Steve *meow* :P (even if he does have that pesky beard)

*drool* (for Mel Mega)

because... i totally don't dig this guy. he's like, SOOOO not my type. uhm. yeah.

*drool*

yesterday, apple announced the launch of their iPod shuffle. they're going for $99. they're the size of a pack of gum. a PACK OF GUM, people. it only holds like 240 songs, but still... for the memory, it's definitely not worth the price, but i just *heart* little electronics! i wonder if they've got skins for this one... i love little toys! it probably even weighs less than my pocket rocket! :P

apple also announced a $499 mac. nice.

what should i get my sister for her 18th birthday/high school graduation? it's the same day. anyone have any suggestions? i was thinking maybe the iPod, but i don't know... any other ideas???

yahoo's launchcast

most of the time launchcast gets it right, but every once in a while, they get it so, so wrong...

i just got def leppard (love bites) and the scorpions (rock you like a hurricane) back to back.

thank god there's a "skip" button.

yb

yankeebob's the best! the swellest!

the sun's shining

the birds are singing, the weather's finally warmer...

and i'm still in a funk. i don't know what the deal is. maybe i need something to look forward to. i feel so ... i don't actually know. i just know that i'm down.

yesterday when i walked out of work, it wasn't raining. about halfway to my car, it starts drizzling. by the time i got to my car, it was really started to rain. i got inside and as soon as i slammed the door shut, it stopped raining.

if you've ever watched the smurfs, i kinda felt like gargamel when he's being chased by the rain cloud.

i still feel like that this morning. it's all nice and beautiful out, but i still feel like it's raining. fuck, the only thing i'm missing is the lightning bolts striking my ass. or maybe that's why my ass has been numb. stupid butt. i feel like cutting it off.

(btw, the reason why my butt's numb is because my chair is uncomfortable. i have one of those stupid ergonomic chairs and everything.)

everything makes me want to cry. i hit my shin last night and i thought i was going to lose it right there. but i held it together... barely... this morning i was sitting on the floor after i got my shoes on and just sat there. trying not to cry. i don't know what's wrong with me. it was just such a chore to get up out of bed. maybe i'll feel better later.

so, my apologies. i wish i could just say i'm being hormonal. but i'm not. i'm just down. and i have no fucking idea why. i wish i could just shake it off like other people... normal people... and be in a good mood because i have nothing to be depressed about. i entertained the thought that maybe i was down because my bday's coming up, but i thought about it and i don't really care.

steve, i'm sorry i'm like this. i can't help it. it's the bon blood, i guess. heh. :(

oh, cripes.

my fucking ass hurts. it's all numb. i've gotta go back to the acupuncturist... maybe even the chiropractor, too. the chiropractor doesn't help as much as the acupuncturist, but i get a nice, long massage from the chiropractor's physical therapists. mmm. for only $15. mmm....

i'm in a bad mood today. okay, maybe not BAD, but i'm definitely not in a good mood. i don't know why. i'm not PMSing. i'm not sex-deprived. i'm not hungry. no one's really bothered me today. no one cut me off on the road this morning, no one tried to strike up a conversation with me in the restroom.

okay... those are the usual reasons i get aggravated. so, what the fuck? maybe i'm only happy when i'm unhappy :P no... that's not me. i'm feeling uneasy again. i don't know why. maybe being social in vegas took too much out of me or something. christ, i don't know.

and i know steve would give me alone time if i asked... but when we're back at home, i don't feel like this. it's just at work... i wish i could work from home.

i know i said i was going to update my resume... i'm going to. i just need to find it first. heh.

audiophiles... *UPDATED*

can you guess all 72 album covers? so far, steve and i have gotten 54 of them correct.

by "steve and i" i mean that steve probably got 51 of them and i got 3... well, i got 14 on my own, but they didn't really contribute anything because steve already had them...

*updated 1/12/05 @ noon: we're up to 60...*

even though no one reads these...

here're some reviews...

wake up, ron burgundy: the lost movie. apparently, when they made anchorman: the legend of ron burgundy, they had so much extra material, they made another movie with the crap they didn't use. if you liked anchorman, you'll probably like "the lost movie" as well. there are some really funny parts to it. in the beginning, the narrator would have you believe that this movie happens after "anchorman," but it's basically like a whole other movie with the same formula, with a different plot and different ending. not essential or anything. i'm not sure i've ever been so indifferent about a movie before...



the chemical brothers new album, Push the Button. i loved this album... from the first track, it just made me wanna dance. or fuck. whichever. there are maybe a couple of duds, but these days, if you can find an album that you only moderately like a few songs and the rest you love? well, you have yourself a great album... the album drops 1/25.

fabriclive 18 with andy c & dj hype. within the first minute, the beats come hard and they come fast. i'm only about 10-15 minutes in, and it's not slowed down, nor does it sound like it's going to slow down at all anytime soon. the fabriclive series has never disappointed me. if you want to listen to good dance music, but you don't know anything about it, you don't know who to listen to, you could probably get any one of the fabriclive series and you'd enjoy yourself. okay, maybe not ANY... i haven't listened to them all... but the ones i have listened to? absolute gold. platinum, even.

celso machado: varal. i can not say enough about this man. he's so incredibly talented. brazilian music... fused with all sorts of different rhythms and melodies around the world... i did like his album, jongo le, better... but this was just as good. jongo le sounded more brazilian to me... but what the fuck do i know? i've never even been to brazil... i am such a latinophile.

***and on an unrelated note, urbandictionary.com's word of the day today is blog. :P

pure

i don't typically put up song lyrics, but i just love this song. i dunno... i just...

do.

pure by the lightning seeds....

night time slows, raindrops splash rainbows
perhaps someone you know, could sparkle and shine
as daydreams slide to colour from shadow
picture the moonglow, that dazzles my eyes
and I love you

just lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple everytime
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple everytime

dreams of sights, of sleigh rides in seasons
where feelings not reasons, can make you decide
as leaves pour down, splash autumn on gardens
as colder nights harden, their moonlit delights
and I love you

just lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple everytime
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple everytime

look at me with starry eyes
push me up to starry skies
there's stardust in my head
pure and simple everytime
fresh and deep as oceans new
shiver at the sight of you
i'll sing a softer tune
pure and simple over you

if love's the truth then look no lies
and let me swim around your eyes
I've found a place I'll never leave
shut my mouth and just believe
love is the truth I realize
not a stream of pretty lies
to use us up and waste our time

lying smiling in the dark
shooting stars around your heart
dreams come bouncing in your head
pure and simple everytime
now you're crying in your sleep
i wish you'd never learnt to weep
don't sell the dreams you should be keeping
pure and simple everytime

look at me with starry eyes
push me up to starry skies
there's stardust in my head
pure and simple everytime
fresh and deep as oceans new
shiver at the sight of you
I'll sing a softer tune
pure and simple over you
pure and simple just for you

fucked up dreams

i had 2 dreams this weekend... back to back... about babies and children... running after me. the first one had these 2 kids in them. these 2 kids were running after me... and stabbing me. and when i got away from them, they'd start throwing the knives at me. it was really fucking creepy.

the other one... i can't remember the details. i just remember these babies and kids everywhere. chasing me... i don't remember knives or anything though.

eep. this shit freaks me out. i mean, usually i'm doing the chasing and stabbing. what does it all mean? and NO. i'm not dreaming about kids because i'm pregnant.

January 10, 2004

on this date, last year, we got a little bunny that we named monkey. poor thing fit in the palm of my hand... oh... she was just too cute... *sigh*

anyway, the only thing i can really remember from that sunday was that it was like 90 fucking degrees out. when's it going to stop fucking raining already??? i know, we're spoiled living out in so. cal. i mean, it almost never rains... but we pay a premium to live here... and for god to give us as much rain as he gives the rest of the country??? well, that's just wrong.

i'm going to do like the city of pasadena and promise to go to church if he makes it stop raining... anyone else hear that crazy ass story? the fucking city of pasadena made a deal with god... they will never hold the rose parade on a sunday, if he gives them clear skies. apparently, it hasn't rained on the day of the rose parade in 50 years. and next year, jan 1 falls on a sunday. so, i guess they're having it on monday.

it's something about leaving the sunday open for people to go to church or whatever... and for some reason, THAT SHIT MAKES ME LIVID. THIS WHOLE MAKING A DEAL WITH GOD IRRITATES THE FUCK OUT OF ME. it really, really does.

if god can be bargained with, well, then gosh darn it, i want $100,000,000 and happiness for all those who deserve it (i get to choose)... oh. and a model ready body (including the height) ... without having to try. then i could eat whatever i want. woohoo! what else do i want? lots of happiness and joy and money and everything my blogger buddies could want...

if i get that, i will go to church every sunday. every soul counts, right?

steve thinks that won't work because i don't really mean it. of course i do! i'm going to tell him right now, even.

dear god,
i totally mean it.
amen.

mar adentro/kung fu hustle

javier bardem is definitely rising up the ranks in my list of fave actors. i think i've only seen 2 movies that he's been in... and his performances blew me the fuck away in both. before night falls (2000) and mar adentro (aka the sea inside - 2004). they're both based on true life stories of brave men. maybe this is his niche... i don't know... i'd need to check out his other films...

mar adentro's the story of a paraplegic, who fought for euthanasia rights. javier bardem was so convincing, i didn't even realize that it was him. i seriously thought that a paraplegic was playing the part...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

kung fu hustle was a really fun movie. i tend to enjoy stephen chow's work a lot. i can't think of a movie he's done that i disliked. it wasn't nearly as funny as i thought it would be, though... don't get me wrong, it's not bad at all... i guess i was just expecting too much... i had read some really good reviews on it... the kung fu sequences are to die for, though. i guess i was just expecting way too much after shaolin soccer. it's definitely worth a watch, though...

2 very different movies, 1 very lazy weekend...

vegas

so, this is the first year that it just didn't SUCK ASS. thank god.

wednesday night, went out with a girl, donna. no, not THAT way. pervs. we work together. no, not THAT way, either... damn, i just can't win here...

at any rate, i call her DD (pronounced 'double d', not dee-dee) because of her initials, not because of her boob size. good god, this whole post is going to turn out sounding dirty, isn't it?

anyway, we went to N9ne steakhouse at the palms. n9ne is owned by morton's son... of morton steakhouse fame. went to the ghostbar afterwards. the ghostbar was kind of overrated. then again, we left when it really started getting going. we headed to the red square. god bless vodka. the red square's gotta have just about every vodka known to man... with the exception of popov. heck, they may even have popov... who knows??? at any rate, i love that place. it's kind of tradition where every night before we go to bed, we end up there. hang out, drink good vodka and meet other people that my boss knows from years and years back.

the next night, i went to dinner with my cousin and some of his co-workers at the paris hotel. it was nice to see him. we're always talking about actually getting to see each other at one of the shows, but this was the first year we actually got to do it. dinner sucked, but the company was good... afterwards, i went to the red square again... hung out with the boss... called DD.... and all this shit happened that i don't feel like getting into. we ended up at the rumjungle. which, despite it's emptiness was still pretty fun. wherever we went, boys were just following us around and flirting, though. boy, steve's lucky they weren't cute! :P hehe... just kidding, baby.

i've been doing this thing lately... you know, that girl thing... whenever i get a compliment, i turn it around and make it sound like they're insulting me... i do it for my amusement, basically... but instead of getting flustered and going away, the boys try harder... which is even more amusing.

boy: you guys are just like normal girls with good personalities!
me: uhm... so, you mean we're ugly.
boy: no. i meant that you're like the girl next door
me: so, we're plain, but we're kinda funny, so it's okay.
boy: no. you guys are beautiful!
me: now you're just saying that because you want to get in one of our pants.
boy: well...
me: so, you think that we're easy because we're ugly and we should just take what we can get?
boy: no! i'm trying to say that you guys are really cool because you have great personalities and you're beautiful.
me: so, a girl can't be cute and be funny, too? that's kinda fucked up.
boy: well, it's just that in my experience...
me: your experience? how old ARE you?
boy: 23... how old are you?
me: 35.
boy: .... seriously? i thought you were like 22.
me: why, thank you.
boy: you're trying to scare me off by telling me that you're way older than you are!
me: all right, you got me.
boy: because that wouldn't have scared me off...
me: by the way, i'm married.
boy: that's okay.
me: for who?
boy: ...
me: you know that ad where they say, "what happens in vegas stays in vegas?"
boy: (eyes light up) yeah?
me: it's just a fucking ad.

anyway, it was still a fun time... and i realized something. i'm getting soft in my old age. i very rarely go out with my girlfriends anymore. mostly because i don't have that many left and they all live far away. so whenever i do go out, it's with steve. and no one hits on me. so... when boys hit on me now, i actually talk back to them... before, i used to tell them to, "fuck off." or "i'm not interested." or "go away, asshole." but now i'm actually cordial. what the fuck happened? sheesh.

anyway, that was my time in vegas. no debauchery to report, unfortunately... just worked my ass off... slept for 2 hours on thursday night. had to get back to work on friday morning. it was fucking snowing in vegas on friday morning. it was insane! and the drive back was horrendous. but we're all back, safe and sound now.

today's quiz day, i guess...

when i have a chance to blog about vegas i will... until then:

Vernita Green (Copperhead)




You're Vernita Green! You've done a lot of things that you regret, and you're still trying to move on with your life. You won't hesitate, however, to use any means to save your loved ones or yourself.

Kill Bill: Which Deadly Viper Assassin Are You? (Vol. II spoilers... results with pics)

they're crazy.

i think they got this all wrong. i don't explain myself well at all! and i'm most certainly NOT an elegant speaker. hrm...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Vegas by the Numbers *updated because blogger HATES ME!*

6: hours i've been in vegas

5: oz. of filet mignon

4: guys who asked me if i speak english (as they said, "hey, baby..." and i ignored them... what, i must not speak english if i'm ignoring you??? fucktards.)

3: vodka tonics... and also the # of guys who thought i was here for the AVNs. no asking of autographs this year though! phew!

2: guys who hit on me... and didn't care that i was married

1: guy who wanted to know if i would be his cuddlebear. and he promises that's all we will do... just cuddle. do i fucking LOOK like a cuddlebear?

0: eye candy. unless you love girls... anyway, it doesn't matter because all the hot chicks, actually work as waitresses, etc... so they most likely get hit on constantly... and they will have NOTHING to do with you. loser.

oh. and for the #1 guy there? the number of months he's been married... 2.

sleazeballs! and what is it with asian girls that make guys automaticaly think: PORN!!!! what the fuck???? it's beginning to wear on me. the first few guys were kinda funny... but i'm too fucking tired now...

there's no place like home. there's no place like home. g'night.

desperate

okay... i want to take salsa lessons... but steve won't take them with me... i know they usually say things like, "partners not required" and stuff, but i'm too chicken shit to go by myself...

what do i do??? do i suck it up and make a fool out of myself in front of a bunch of people i don't know? or do i try to enlist someone (anyone!) into joining with me and then looking like a fool in front of someone i will have to interact with in the future???

maybe it just wasn't meant to be...

or maybe someone in bloggerland in the so. cal. area wants to join with me???? hmmm???? anyone? please? heh... *sigh*

what to do? what to do????

*sigh* i'm still at work because i have to archive my email inbox... i'm up against my limit again and it's a pain to try and archive remotely... blah, blah, blah...

so, tomorrow i'm gone to vegas... conveniently, CES is the same time as the AVNs... i think it's called the AVNs... you know, the porn awards. coincidence? i think not. it's going to be so fucking crowded, too... probably one of the busiest weekends... i mean, come on! 2 of the biggest conventions in the same time frame??? yeah... C-R-O-W-D-E-D.

i'm a little bummed because i had kinda planned on the drive out there and back as alone time for me... i really need it... but my boss is really paranoid about me driving by myself. he's afraid of me being stuck on the road by myself because of weather or something... eh, who am i kidding? he probably just wants to make sure i'm there on time. heh...

so i'm hitching a ride with this guy, matt. at least i like him well enough. he's a nice guy... i mean, it could be worse, i could be driving with the creepy guy who likes to stare at my boobs. even when they're completely covered. i swear, when they're covered, he tries even harder to see if he can catch any nipple action or something...

maybe i'll try and get some alone time the weekend of the 15th... this weekend, a friend of mine is spending the weekend with us :) even though i need the alone time, i'm looking forward to it. since she finished grad school, i haven't really seen much of her... stupid career. :P she and i have been friends now since we were 10. and even though we don't have much in common, we're still close... if we don't talk to each other in months, if one of us calls the other, it's like there was never a gap.

she's a good catch. and she's single. and really pretty. lemme know if you're interested :P she's going to fucking kill me when she reads this. i found my new job: Pimp Extraordinaire. hehehe...

yes! done archiving... finally. i don't know if i'll be blogging much... so, everyone have a good week... and a great weekend! :)

Steve's Best of 2004 list

he and his geek friends send out a list via email... i snagged this off his email...

CD
1) Green Day - American Idiot - I'm not even a fan, that's how good this was.
2) Air - Talkie Walkie - smooooth
3) Rob Smith - Up on the Downs - downtempo drum 'n' bass/ragga bliss
4) Kanye West - The College Dropout - savior of hip hop?
5) Bjork - Medulla - a fascinating concept

DJ
1) Tiesto - even if you hate trance (I'm kinda over it myself for the most part), it's hard to deny his impact on club culture this year that included releasing the first ever dj "concert" dvd, being selected as the first and only dj to ever spin at the Olympics opening ceremony, releasing two impressive artist albums of his own work, continuing to bring the noise and magik mixes to the masses in live sets around the world, and closing the year with another two day solo concert event that included live vocalists, orchestra, and even a Tiesto escape act during a 7+ hour performance each night.

Comic
1) Astonishing X-Men - lived up to its title, a superb marriage of pitch perfect dialogue and stunning art courtesy of fancy Hollywood boy Joss Whedon and rising superstar John Cassaday
2) Bone - end of an epic
3) McSweeney's Quarterly Concern #13 - Chris Ware assembled this amazing 200+ page hardcover anthology with the most innovative cover of all time, guaranteed to clean up at this year's Eisners.
4) The Walking Dead - still don't really like the art, but the story is keeping me interested
5) Blue Monday: Painted Moon - anything from Chynna is gold

Movie
1) Oldboy - the only movie I actually care about on this list
2) The Incredibles - even though I haven't seen it
3) Sideways - another I haven't seen but I'm sure I'll like
4) Shaun of the Dead - a pleasant surprise
5) House of Flying Daggers - flawed, but beautiful

Worst Movie
1) Catwoman - so bad, it doesn't even have unintentional comedy going for it
2) Home on the Range - worst Disney animated movie ever. Ever!
3) King Arthur - yaaawwwwnnnnn
4) The Day After Tomorrow - unintentionally hilarious
5) The Chronicles of Riddick - also a very adept unintentional comedy, but at least it had some pretty fx

TV
1) Lost
2) The Simpsons
3) Battlestar Galactica - don't hate, just give it a shot when it finally hits the US on SciFi next week. At least tune in for Richard Hatch in episode 3 if nothing else.
4) Sopranos
5) Curb Your Enthusiasm
Honorable Mention/Guilty Pleasure: The Simple Life 2 - best drinking game of the year, especially episode 9. Take a shot anytime Paris or Nicole says "that's hot", "loves it" or "do you love it?". Oh, and make sure you have plenty of booze on hand.

Video Games
1) Halo 2 - by a longshot
2) Half-Life 2 - I hope to play this someday
3) Paper Mario - clever RPG fun
4) Pikmin 2 - although the cave diving was kinda lame
5) Mario vs. Donkey Kong - interesting twist on a classic rivalry

Books
Hey, something had to take a hit...I think I only read one "real" book all year and didn't really like it, Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Who has time for books with so many great graphic novels to catch up on?

*sigh*

i'm stressed the fuck out. i know. i say this all the time...

but i really am stressed the fuck out.

all i could think this morning was, "awww, fuck me. i can't go on." it was on bloody repeat in my head.

i sigh a lot these days. it's uncontrollable.

i'm going to be sighing a lot for the next 12 hours. i'm pretty sure that's how long i'll be here today for. and tomorrow i'm headed off to vegas. and i have to take customers out for dinner, drinks... oh, christ. i want to die. at first, i was just supposed to take one girl to dinner. now it's her, her boss, several of her co-workers...

i don't do well in work-related social situations. they just fucking drain me. 2 days in vegas feels like 2 weeks when i'm there for work....

oh, christ. i'm so... fucking... stressed out...

although i didn't make any resolutions for the new year, i think i may have to make one right now... start working on my resume. even though i don't want to leave my boss, i can't take it here anymore. the past four days were so nice... being back here... fucking makes me want to hang myself.

i feel like such a mother fuckin' heel, too. especially in light of world disasters ... but, christ, i can't help but be down. i guess i'm too self-absorbed... *sigh*

J's "quiz"

got this from J... i put it in her comments section, but then i noticed that YB had it up on his blog.... so, i just copied and pasted....

Three names you go by:
1. grace
2. gracie (but only by a few people. if you're not sure if you're one of these people, play it on the safe side and call me grace. i won't respond when other people do it)
3. wifey :P

Three screen names you have:
1. gracehbon
2. gracebon (ooh, interesting, huh? :P)
3. graciepoo77

Three things you like about yourself:
1. my ability to eat an assload of food. (gross. that sounded fucking nasty)
2. quick fingers... whilst typing, perv!
3. i laugh easily. mostly at people, but i sound like i'm happy, right? :P

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. a very quick and hot temper
2. i get needy when i feel like steve's not giving me enough attention
3. i keep things inside until i'm going to burst and then i just lose it on people.
4. heck, one more... why not? i hate that it took me 5 minutes to come up with things i liked about myself, but 5 seconds to come up with things i hated. what's up with that???

Three parts of your heritage:
1. korean
2. korean
3. korean

Three things that scare you:
1. bugs
2. big ass dogs. you know. the ones that are the size of small horses.
3. losing steve. either in an accident or something, or him leaving me. i threatened him again yesterday that i would tie him up if he ever tried to leave me :P

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. birth control pill... because god knows i'm not ready for that shit!
2. kisses on the nose
3. steve's cock... tails.

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. snowflake pjs my mom got me
2. throw because i'm always cold
3. rubberband to keep my damned hair back.

Three of your fave bands/artists (today):
1. morrissey
2. poe
3. luscious jackson

Three of your fave songs at present:
1. risingson (massive attack)
2. now my heart is full (morrissey)
3. jack the ripper (the smiths)
(guess i'm in that mood right now. heh.)

Three new things you want to try in the upcoming year:
(i don't know about "try" but these are things i want to do...)
1. join a rockclimbing gym (i used to be pretty into rockclimbing, but it's been so long. i have an almost brand new pair of climbing shoes i need to break in, still)
2. every type of cheese i can get my hands on
3. without the use of lactaid (need to ween myself off that shit!)

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. patience.
2. understanding.
3. lots of belly kisses.

Two truths and a lie:
(not in any order)
1. i have had sex with 4 women.
2. i love to go puddlejumping.
3. i'm an anglophile.

Three physical things about the opposite/same sex that appeal to you:
1. arms. strong, sexy arms.
2. BUTTCAKE
3. stability. lord knows i didn't have any growing up.

Three things you just can't do:
fuck that. i can do anything. here is a list of things that i won't do.
1. take it up the ass (unless i'm at work... there, that's a daily activity.)
2. deal with other people's bullshit (again, unless i'm at work)
3. oh wait. here's one i can't seem to do. bake a tasty pie. what the hell?

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. read
2. listen to music. (i'm an audiophile)
3. steve.

Three careers you're considering:
1. waitress. okay. not really. i'd get fired so fast.
2. mom. (considering. don't get all excited.)
3. professional steve groupie.

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. would love, love, love to go back to tahiti
2. brazil
3. antarctica. (god, i love those penguins)

Three kids names (boy or girl):
(pfff. i'm not giving up the names i like and may name my future children! so, here are kids i know.)
1. sophia
2. katie
3. christopher

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. speak spanish fluently
2. bake a pie that looks and tastes tasty
3. have a 3some with jude law :P

i'm supposed to name 3 other people to fill it out... but it's kinda long. so if anyone wants to do it, feel free... not that i'm not curious. just don't want anyone to feel obligated to fill it out...

and there you have it!

DVDs

danny deckchair.
cute and funny movie (read: romantic comedy) set in australia. about a guy who is just a regular joe schmoe. has a girlfriend, who wants more than the life they have. one day, at their bbq, he ties huge helium balloons to a deckchair and he takes off. okay, there's more to it, than that... but that's the jist. he lands in this little town and becomes a big fish in the little pond. and just... everything happens to him. he's well-liked, well-respected and ... finds love... awwwww.... i'm a sucker for these kinds of movies. what a dork i am.

ed wood.
a mostly true movie about ed wood, once voted the world's worst director. it's absolutely fascinating. johnny depp plays the lead role. need i say more? i can't believe it took me 11 years to watch it. tsk tsk. directed by tim burton.

one night in paris: depeche mode's exciter tour. why, yes. i am excited. how did you know? it must be the wet panties. did i mention that depeche mode makes me hot? *meow* dave gahan has just one of the sexiest voices ever. ever, i say! for those of you who think that depeche mode is still just a band from the 80s, you are absolutely mistaken. i love all their old stuff, like "music for the masses" and "black celebration," but, anything from 1990 and on... well, they really matured their sound. "violator," "exciter," and "songs of faith and devotion" are essential for my music collection. did i mention that depeche mode makes me hot?

*by the way, steve and i went to the exciter concert at the anaheim pond... i guess "one night in paris" sounds better than "one night in anaheim." i don't remember dave gahan jumping about and swerving his hips so suggestively... meow.*

New Years' Eve

well, happy new year, all :)

we drank a bottle of wine last night. and some eggnog. i was pretty fucking trashed. we got this wine in australia. sparkling shiraz. i know. it's crazy! and so, so good. better than champagne! almost. depending on the champagne...


(pay no mind to the windex in the background... bubbly red wine. my favorite. and we will probably never have it again. *sigh*)

so i'm all trashed and steve mentions i should try out karaoke revolution 2. why the heck not. i'm drunk. i think i did okay. there are songs on there i've never fucking heard of in my life. i had to just try and hum along because i was too drunk to follow along and read at the same time. what a 'tard i am.

AND I HAVE GREAT NEWS! STEVE FINALLY SHAVED HIS BEARD LAST NIGHT! so i was rubbing all over his face all night. nice and smooooooth. ahhh, bliss.

we went to giant village. in downtown LA. they close off a few of the city blocks and people just party out on the street. we rang in the new year with 11,998 other people... it's just a big ol' outdoor party. they had this ferris wheel out there that was going really fast. it probably would've been fun to ride, had i not been so damned trashed. i probably would've puked on someone. hehe...

the line to get in was pretty long, but moved really fast. we were in by 10:45pm... which was perfect because we got in just in time to see the killers. finally. we missed them at bumbershoot in september and voodoo fest in october.

they are really good live. i hate it when i like an album, but then i see them live and i realize that they really suck ass and everything was tweaked. at any rate, we saw the killers, mark farina, paul oakenfold, crystal method, john digweed, jason bentley (briefly). it was a lot of fun. ran into a co-worker there. she's parties a lot. she's nice, but we just don't have much in common. so, we said our hellos... and then we ran along on our merry way...

everything was great except for the restrooms. they were SO fucking nasty. i just looked at it and walked out. i couldn't pee until we got home. i thought i was going to DIE. i seriously thought my bladder was going to burst and i was going to be ill or something.

it's such a great party they throw on every year, though... i have to say that i liked it better two years ago better. it wasn't so dirty... and paul van dyk was there. it's fun to be around all those kids rolling on e ... and when they bump into you, they rub your arm or your back and say, "oooh... sorry!!! no, really... i'm sooooo sorry.... ooh, happy new year! ooh. i like your shirt... okay, bye!" okay, it's funnier when it happens. not so funny written down.

saw 4 accidents on the way home. it's unfortunate. they really should get a designated driver. i have steve. and even when he's had a lot to drink, he could still walk that straight line. they'd just be shocked if they ran a breathalyzer on him. heh... hollow leg. i swear.

i'm pretty tired today. i may be getting too old for this... god, getting older sucks. i didn't even drive there or back. not only did i take a 3 hour nap yesterday during the day, i took a 10 minute nap after my shower and then again on the way up there. too much alcohol for me. wine fucks me up, bigtime. maybe next year, we'll just throw a party or something...