the imperfections of steve...

apparently, everyone thinks steve is just perfect because i've never said anything bad about him. i mean, christ! people who don't even know him take his side! (ahem, veronica!) hehe.

SO! in an effort to make steve a little more human, here is a list of things about him that aren't perfect.

1. he goes to church every sunday with his mom. what a damned mama's boy, huh? i mean, come on! be a man! would it kill you to stay home one sunday???

2. he goes to the gym at least every other day. he's trying to tell me i'm fat. he goes just to make me feel guilty. i know it. so because he goes, i have to go... can you believe he thinks i'm fat???

3. i only get "wifey appreciation days" a few times a year. what an inconsiderate bastard! only a few times a year do i get little gifts and tokens of appreciation. jeez. why doesn't he appreciate me? i do most of the cooking and cleaning! (okay, laundry's his job because he doesn't trust me with his whites.) but i mean, come on! i should be getting shit monthly! at least!

4. he has 2 other part-time jobs besides his full-time job. isn't it obvious? he just doesn't want to spend time with me. he'll think up any excuse not to give me cuddles! pffff.

5. he won't come until i've had multiple orgasms. it's enough to make a girl wanna fake them! sometimes, you just want him to be done with... d'oh! i know what it is... he thinks i'm unattractive and it just takes him longer to come, i guess. he thinks i'm unattractive! RAT BASTARD!

so, there you have it. the list goes on and on, but i won't continue... i mean, you get the point, don't you? (it's enough to make me hurl, i tell ya.)

*i love my hubby... i'm just waiting for him to blow one day... hehehe*


Blogger Yankeebob said...

Geez! Steve sounds like a bum! Especially that waiting on the multiple orgasms thing. How can you take it? ;)

5:38 AM  
Blogger peachy said...

Steve's imperfections aren't really imperfections at all.
The only things I think Steve should improve on are the wifey appreciation items. You should definitely score cool gifts at least once a month. At least!

6:20 AM  
Blogger drkmc said...

Man! Steve sounds like a total butthole!

6:40 AM  
Blogger David said...

Steve: a man that works hard to make sure his family has everything, yet still makes sure his wife is satisfied, his body is in shape for her pleasure and still finds time to worship God.

See? You just tried to put him down and he's sounds even better! LMAO. Poor Steve.

7:29 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

WELL!! Now that you put it that way, I am definitely changing sides! What does he think!? That he could do better?! MULTIPLE ORGASMS?! What does he want to do? Kill you?!

Now I just want to kick your butt for having it so damn good!

I'm sending EJ to Steve boot camp!

7:44 AM  
Blogger Agent_LAH said...

Geez, Steve is a total slimeball...I don't know how you manage sometimes. Multiple orgasms? Who's ever heard of that sort of punishment?

9:12 AM  
Blogger Envoy-ette said...


11:03 AM  
Blogger grace said...

i know, i know! i suffer immensely.

11:31 AM  
Blogger julia said...

jeez, i never knew what you were going through! anytime you want to come stay me...


1:45 PM  
Blogger J. said...

I can't believe you mentioned NOTHING about his ability to grow facial hair. I mean, that's like the biggest A-Hole thing to do in the world.

3:50 PM  
Blogger grace said...

oh, thanks, jules. i knew i could count on you for support. it's just hell living with that man! :P hehe.

jeanette: i know! this wasn't a comprehensive list, you know. there's just SO much more to tell you! but i was getting upset :P hehe.

4:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home