so, i got propositioned via email because of my blog. well, not because of my blog. because of my profile pic. this is strangely flattering, yet disgusting all at once.

not only that, but by "Big Badd Johnson," no less ... yeah. i know. i know. the name alone makes me swoon.

if i EVER want to have a TORRID AFFAIR i can contact him. sweet! because if you know me at all, i'm all about cheating on my husband.

the funny thing about this whole thing is that, if i were EVER to cheat on steve (which would never happen, just to clarify) MY friends would fucking KILL me. so, besides the fact that i don't want to sleep with anyone else (unless you're a hot chick. if so, gimme a call. muwahaha. kidding. uhm.... yeah.) i'm afraid of a prolonged, PAINFUL death at the hands of my friends. even those friends that i've had since i was 10 years old. they all love steve more than they love me... (and you know who you are, JOHNNY. damned traitor.)

and they all know me well enough to know that... if something ever goes wrong in our marriage, it's most likely my fault. so, not only would i not have a hubby to cuddle at night, none of my friends would want to hear from me ever again.

how fucked up is that? all of my friends (yeah, all 4 of them or whatever. hehe) taking his side... i need new friends. new evil friends... full of debauchery. eh, but since i'm no longer a cheater, i guess i don't really need them. ah well.

well, i wrote Big Badd back to let him know that i wouldn't ever cheat on steve... i don't want to go into too much detail because he lives in costa mesa and god knows, i would never know if we ran into each other... but he would. (cue scary music)

and then he let me know that he was just joking. but not.

so, steve, you'd better not cheat on me! because i have a backup affair guy... who says he can render me into a coma! because god knows i like to pass out after sex! KINKY SEX!

(and here's another clarification - in case Mr. Johnson is reading this - in most of this post, i'm being extremely sarcastic. let me reiterate that i would never cheat on steve. ever. ever. ever. even if he cheated on me... i might tie him down and hurt him, but i wouldn't cheat.)


Blogger julia said...

aww.. i wouldn't kill you..

i'd just kick your ass.. :P but the same goes for steve. :)

10:58 AM  
Blogger Kiss Me Im Italian said...

Yeah! What Jules said!... If you do happen to mess up things with Steve though, I got dibs on rooming with him :P

11:17 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

Wait a minute - you mean this guy just emailed you from nowhere and said "hey babe, why don't you come on over here and let me [censored for decency's sake] to you all night long?"

Man, I could never say that kind of stuff to a girl in an email!

11:46 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

I don't know Steve, but I'd kick your butt too if you cheated! heh!

But you won't do it and Steve won't do it, so we'll just continue to live happily ever after.

12:35 PM  
Blogger grace said...

jules: thanks... sheesh.

larry: get in line. all of my guy friends want to live with steve. sheesh.

ian: not exactly like that... but kinda... yeah.

v: yet another one... already taking steve's side! and he doesn't even have a damned blog! jeezus. :P

1:06 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Heheheh! I'm sorry. You just make him out to be too damn likeable.

Dish the dirt on him... then maybe I'll side with you! ;o)

2:04 PM  
Blogger Mel Mega said...

Okay, Steve don't read this: Grace, I will totally be your evil friend (but I won't help you cheat, just wreak havoc).

Now Grace, don't read this: Steve, if Grace decides to run off with Mr. Johnson, you know who to call...I'll even let you grow your beard back...

3:08 PM  
Blogger julia said...

mel: bwahah.. you know.. i think that all of grace's friends have wanted to tell steve that..

not that.. i wanted.. er.. i'm going back to work.

3:31 PM  
Blogger grace said...

v: not too much dirt, unfortunately. if there was, i would tell him that he'd better be at my beck and call this weekend or i'm giving up the info!

mel: what? what? what'd you say to steve? :P

jules: that's okay. some of my friends have told me that already.

at least i know that if i should die, he'll be taken care of :P

3:43 PM  
Blogger J. said...

OMG ... that's hilariously scary. I don't think I would have had the nads to write him back. Sheez. The implications of that are just entirely too weird to think about.

Thanks to Tony's sister-in-law, I cheated on Tony, but only in a SIMS way (See here to see what I'm talking about). The only thing Tony said was, next time wait til I get home from work so there could be a threesome. LOL!

10:25 AM  

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