1.04.2005

*sigh*

i'm stressed the fuck out. i know. i say this all the time...

but i really am stressed the fuck out.

all i could think this morning was, "awww, fuck me. i can't go on." it was on bloody repeat in my head.

i sigh a lot these days. it's uncontrollable.

i'm going to be sighing a lot for the next 12 hours. i'm pretty sure that's how long i'll be here today for. and tomorrow i'm headed off to vegas. and i have to take customers out for dinner, drinks... oh, christ. i want to die. at first, i was just supposed to take one girl to dinner. now it's her, her boss, several of her co-workers...

i don't do well in work-related social situations. they just fucking drain me. 2 days in vegas feels like 2 weeks when i'm there for work....

oh, christ. i'm so... fucking... stressed out...

although i didn't make any resolutions for the new year, i think i may have to make one right now... start working on my resume. even though i don't want to leave my boss, i can't take it here anymore. the past four days were so nice... being back here... fucking makes me want to hang myself.

i feel like such a mother fuckin' heel, too. especially in light of world disasters ... but, christ, i can't help but be down. i guess i'm too self-absorbed... *sigh*

11 Comments:

Blogger Yankeebob said...

Ahh Grace, you shouldn't feel like you are too self-absorbed just because you don't like your job. If it's causing you that much grief, you should move on. Something like hating your job does take a lot of a persons attention.

Good luck in Vegas. Try a little gambling. Maybe you can win enough to just quit, right there. That would be so funny.

9:54 AM  
Blogger peachy said...

Would you kill me if I told you I was home today? Lucky for you, I'm not. See how I felt yesterday? Join the club.

9:57 AM  
Blogger julia said...

how cool would that be? you'd hit it big off of one game and turn around and tell them you quit. hehe..

maybe you could make me a godmother earlier. :P

9:57 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

That's sad, Grace. I've been where you are recently and it sucks. Different things work for different people, but not long after I wrote this:

http://ianirwinblog.blogspot.com/2004/11/just-sign-on-dotted-line-mate.html

I quit my job, and I've been much happier ever since. Sometimes drastic action is a blessing in disguise.

Hope you work through this ok...

11:26 AM  
Blogger J. said...

Awww, no, you're not self absorbed. I don't come over here and ponder the self absorption of you. No, no, no. You are a classic introvert. Social situations with people you work with stress you out. It's okay. That's all part of having that "I" in your personality type. Just promise yourself some "alone" time to recover.

As far as your job? Yeah, you've hated your job for awhile now. You stay because you're loyal to your boss. It sounds like you need to make a decision, take inventory, keep your ear to the ground for something more satisfying. But, remember, you don't want to hop ships only to realize you're still in the same ship.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Cece said...

You gotta be happy. Your boss would understand.
I turned in my resignation yesterday. Whew. Felt good. I start my new job on the 17th and I am very excited!

12:21 PM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

julia is right. you should hit a big winner at vegas, and quit right then and there. that would be sweet.

if you hate your job, then quit. just make sure you have a new one waiting for you. unless steve is able to support you. then you can be housewifey. ;)

1:16 PM  
Blogger grace said...

yb: that would be sweet! but i know that'll never happen :(

peachy: you're in a good mood today, too, i see :P

jules: shut up!!! jeezus christ.

ian: i can so relate to your post... well, except the part about hating being an accountant. i hate being a peon.

jeanette: thanks... i was kinda counting on the drive there and back to get some alone time... but my boss doesn't want me driving by myself this time. something about the weather....

cece: congrats! :)

LE: yeah. i do have a way out of this... i can have kids. i'm not ready for that yet....

all: thanks...

i can't just not work, unfortunately, because we are working towards some goals... like paying off our home... getting steve his new car (he likes to pay for cars outright...) so... yeah... that's out of the question. and i'm really pretty scared that if i leave this job, i won't find a job or a boss that i do like... and i'm afraid i won't figure that out until it's too late... *sigh* so... yeah. i don't know what to do... i just feel stuck, i guess. i wish i could be like that guy in danny deckchair and just start over... that would be sweet. i'm... i dunno...

1:24 PM  
Blogger Amber_sun said...

Grace-girl,
Don't let fear stop you from doing what you want. I don't think you should up and quit without a plan but it might at least be time to start looking... Life is too short to be stressed out every month... And as hard as you work and as much as he likes you I know your boss will give you the bomb-A recommendation.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Cece said...

Grace...believe me when I say that I am a creature of habit. You'll know when its time to go. I've never had such a short run at a job. I've been here almost 2 years and its sweet. I have my own office, nice furniture, the copier and the fax machine in here and internet. creamy. BUT I don't like the owners, overall and I don't like the people here, for the most part. and I hate this job, 100%. Now I'm FREE BABY FREE! It's going to be nice to work for a real company again. Not some mom and pop lab.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Nina said...

Sorry you're in the dumper. Is there anything I can do to help?:P

7:14 PM  

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