10 years

i have been having tons of dreams lately about people i went to high school with. i don't know if it's because it's my bday today or what, but every night, these people haunt my dreams...

i graduated from high school in 1995. yeah, do the math... my 10 year high school reunion is coming up in april. normal high schools just have one night, i think. but i went to a boarding school, and it's a whole fucking weekend of fun, fun, fun!

(i will now answer the most asked questions when people find out i went to a boarding academy. i didn't do anything BAD to get into boarding school, it wasn't a school for bad kids, it wasn't an all-girls school, and, finally, NO, we did NOT have flirty pillow fights in little short shorts and pigtails.)

at any rate, Alumni Weekend is coming up in a few months. i don't really want to go. i mean, really, what's the fucking point? everyone i want to talk to or see, i talk to or see now... do i really care? maybe part of me is kind of anxious because i don't want it to be awkward. i know mel's going to be there (not mel mega) and we haven't talked since... august or something of last year.

maybe i don't feel like answering all the questions that i'm sure will come up from people about why we're not hanging out... i mean, we were inseparable in high school... and even after that.

i don't know. things are so not how i thought things were going to turn out when i was 18. i thought for sure i'd be living in northern cali... either in wine country or SOMEWHERE in the bay area. i never thought i'd be married... i mean, good god, i never thought i'd be living the suburban lifestyle... it just seems funny to see how life turned out.

i'm not saying i regret any of it. it's just ... different than i thought it would be. i'd never trade steve in for a swanky loft in san francisco... though i might whore him out for one :P and do i want steve to be there at this stupid reunion? i don't want him to be bored out of his fucking mind. although, i think i will need a designated driver for the evenings :P hehe. just kidding, baby. okay, i'm not. i'm a selfish bitch. i know.

i don't even fucking know why i'm feeling anxiety over this stupid reunion. i mean... why do i even care? i'm friends with jonny again (one of 3 "serious" boyfriends i had in high school) and the others weren't in my class so they won't be there... it really shouldn't matter.

i think it's gotta be the mel factor. like i feel guilty or something about backing out of her wedding. i don't exactly regret doing it. but for some reason, i guess i feel bad for hurting her feelings... maybe. i don't fucking know.

i wonder how much jeaneil and julia will want to kick my ass if i just don't go. what to do, what to do? all that stupid ass shit we'll have to do all weekend... stupid alumni versus "varsity" basketball games, WORSHIP SERVICES (went to a christian school), what else? i don't remember now. god, i'm already losing my memory.

i'm torn. do i go? do i make steve go? i should probably go. i mean, this is probably the last time i will ever go back... but i don't really want to go. i don't know. i should go. yeah.




Blogger Kis Lee said...

oh, just go for the main get-together. skip the games and other stupid crap. you can see a few old friends, say hello and get the hell outta there.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

I know how you feel. Our class reunion is going to be in May but only for a night. I don't feel like going or seeing anyone. Okay, I take that back. I only feel like seeing those stupid girls who thought they were the shit all fat and ugly now. But other than that, I don't care to see anyone. I couldn't really stand high school.

Anyway, if you decide to go, make sure you take your camera. :o) I want to see the excitement of the weekend.

2:49 PM  
Blogger rascilon said...

-->NO, we did NOT have flirty pillow fights in little short shorts and pigtails

Awww... and it was such a good story before the disclaimer!

Heck, I graduated in 1994, so I know how ya feel. I missed my reunion, and I don't really care, but if you are the nostalgic type, you ought to go.


3:32 PM  
Blogger Envoy-ette said...

GO!! And take your buff Steve with you...dropping the line that he gives you multi O's! You would be the envy of the whole group! (and wear a big piece of jewelry!)

3:34 PM  
Blogger julia said...

i would say fuck it and not go. but then if you don't come, jeaneil will use her mommy voice on me and make me hang out with the group of people i hated in high school. which will leave me no choice but to come down and kick your ass.

i think we can get away with vespers (although, i'm not stepping into that church) and grabbing our shit out of the time capsule.

and about mel.. *sigh* of course we all wish things went differently, but you did what the bridesmaids.. well, at least her closest friends.. couldn't do. tell her the truth and stand by it. you are more of a friend to her by telling her the truth.. where as i had to stand there and smile and fake i was happy for you.

3:46 PM  
Blogger julia said...

doh.. i meant to say "for her" not "for you."


4:48 PM  
Blogger J. said...

Don't you have something else already lined up for that weekend? I thought you and I had a hot date or something.

For mine, I think I lied and said I was traveling on business or something that exact weekend.

Like you said, for those you want to keep in touch with you do. If Mel weren't going to be there, would you be excited to go?

(Trying to give you an excuse not to go.)

11:06 PM  
Blogger peachy said...

I went to my 10 year and it was way better than I thought. The talk with everyone was just superficial-hi, how are you? what are you doing now? I'm moving on-but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I went by myself even though I had a boyfriend at the time, and that was much more fun than introducing him to everyone.

It won't be so bad. Just go and take Steve with you.

5:09 AM  
Blogger Amber_sun said...

Don't let it stress you. We had a weekend o' fun (oops I meant "events" too) and I only went to the ones I wanted to. I kinda felt like you that I keep in touch with who I want to already but I forgot about a lot of nice people that it was cool just to see again.
As for the Mel thing (and I preface this by saying I don't know her or what went down with you guys), maybe she'll surprise you and try to smooth things over. As for the other people, anybody who is puzzling over why you and Mel aren't arm in arm needs to get other things to think about!

9:41 AM  
Blogger cat said...

my 10 year was in 2003 (yes, i'm old) and i didn't go. i didn't want to. the number of people i actually liked from high school i can count on four fingers - and still have one left over! ha! so why bother?

apparently it was lame and no one went. boy am i glad i didn't force myself to go. i hate socializing anyhow. i hate people. and my school was dumb.

6:14 AM  

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