1.20.2005

i just wanted some fucking hot water for my fucking tea!

it's freezing in our building. everyone that works around me for some reason likes to have it waaaay below 70 degrees in here. i drink hot tea because i like it and it helps keep me warm. well, warmer than i would be. because i'm still fucking cold.

i walk down to the end of the hallway where the "coffee club" has their coffee machine. to be in the coffee club you pay a few bucks a month and you get unlimited coffee and creamer and sugar and all that other good stuff. if you're not part of the coffee club you pay 25 cents a cup for coffee. the coffee's made with one of those big, industrial, 4 pot holding coffee machines with the little hot water spigot on it. that's where i get my hot water for my tea. that's where all of us non-coffee drinking FREAKS get our water.

some woman i've NEVER SEEN BEFORE is getting her coffee there. she's taking up the whole station. she's not "big-boned" or anything. just a normal woman. she's standing in front of the spigot and putting herself between me and the machine. she's just putting sweet 'n' low in her cup. she doesn't need to be standing there. she just DOESN'T! and she's taking forever. she won't move. i wait for 30 seconds or so...

"excuse me, do you mind if i just squeeze in there and get some hot water?" i'm EVEN SMILING AT HER AND BEING FRIENDLY. people, that's huge for me.

she replied, "yes, i do mind."
"uhm... okay..."
"do you have a quarter to put in there? it doesn't look like it. if you want something, you need to put a quarter in the tin."

WHAT THE FUCK?

"i'm just getting hot water. not coffee. coffee's 25 cents a cup. not the water."
"well, as long as i'm standing here, i'm not letting you get anything."

what, did she think that i was going to sneak in a cup of coffee or something? jesus christ!

so we spent a few uncomfortable seconds just glaring at each other...

so then i was like, fuck it. i have too much shit to do... since i'm near the bathroom, i left my mug on top of the file cases nearby and went to the restroom...

"whatever, lady..." (yeah, i know. quick and witty comeback. i rule!)

i go to the restroom and there's PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT. ALL OVER IT! i walk out of the stall, and i'm about to go to the next and there's someone in it. and the door's ajar. why don't they just use the damned lock...

so, she's taking a shit. GREAT. so, what do i do? what do i do? what do i do? so i clean the toilet off with LOTS OF toilet paper... put 5 of those toilet covers on it. squat over the seat... and go. it was really difficult. it's hard enough to pee when someone's taking a shit near you... but when their door's open???

and i look on the floor, and there's PISS ALL OVER THE FLOOR. WHAT THE FUCK? it's not a unisex bathroom... how does a woman get piss all over the seat and the floor? what, was she trying to pee standing up? i don't fucking get it!

so now i feel all grody and shit... as soon as i get out of the restroom, i drag my feet all the way back over to the water station to get that nasty piss off of my boots...

and HALLE-FUCKIN'-LUJAH... the water nazi's gone. i was afraid she was going to wait for me to get out of the bathroom. i would've had to wipe the bottom of my shoes off on her leg or something.

SO I GOT MY FUCKING HOT WATER! TAKE THAT, YOU FUCKING HOT WATER NAZI BITCH WHORE... SMELLY STUPIDHEAD. I HATE YOU. sorry. got carried away... yeah. *sigh*

14 Comments:

Blogger giest said...

Nope, you never got carried away. Now if you said all that to her face...hehe. You should have filled your mug with cold water and poured it down the back of her pants...hehe. Now that would be entertaining. And wow...I thought male washrooms were bad. How drunk was the woman in the stall before you???

11:35 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Sheesh what a fucking bitch! I was getting really pissed off reading that! Who the hell was she anyway? I hope she didn't do anything to your mug while you were walking in piss.

12:00 PM  
Blogger peachy said...

I'd start taking things off that lady's desk one by one until she noticed, then the next day throw them all in a pile. Make sure you wear gloves so she can't trace your fingerprints.

I hate that lady!! She probably peed on the floor and the seat too.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

Helloooooooo cunt-o!

What the fuck is her deal anyway? I mean, I thought women were supposed to be nice to each other, or at least not stupid, asshat, cumrag, swollen, fuckface, shithead, dickwipes. That shit has never happened to me before. What the fuck kind of circus are you working in?

And the bathroom thing is just plain wrong. This whole post negates everything I ever thought I knew about women. Y'all bitches is whack!

12:05 PM  
Blogger Agent_LAH said...

What a crazy bitch! I was going to call her a Water Nazi but you beat me to the punch. I don't get it. I would have been mean to her. I was halfway expecting her to be guarding the coffee machine when you got out of the bathroom. And Jesus Christ in a poncho, who shits with the stall door open?!? Womens bathrooms are getting awful...I was in one the other day with piss all over the seat too. WTF?

12:30 PM  
Blogger Ian said...

Stand up to her, Grace. Sometimes people like that need to be told what the story is...

12:35 PM  
Blogger 8ZERO8 said...

At least she didn't "soil" the seat in the bathroom ;-)

1:17 PM  
Blogger Mel Mega said...

Good god!! You'd think she had to pay for the hot water out of her own pocket. IT'S FRIGGIN WATER, LADY! It's pretty much free. I feel bad for her kids, could you imagine trying to ask her for $10 to go the movies? Geesh, you should've told her to get that pole out of her ass!

And the bathroom thing. Eww. Gross. I sometimes run into the same thing. I am amazed when I think that I work with grown women. Grown women who don't lock the stall. Grown women who pee on the seat and the floor. It's just sad.

2:20 PM  
Blogger grace said...

giest: i dunno... but it was fucking nasty. that made me want to throw up a little bit.

v: i haven't a clue as to who she was. i've never seen her before in my life! no, i doubt it. i hope. eep.

peachy: yeah! she's the one who did it! that beeeeeee-otch! also, i have no idea where she sits. oh well.

oh, mike... i thought you knew us better than that! we are so very wrong to each other... and for no fucking reason. it's amazing... and yes. i concur. those bitches IS whack. i say "those" because i'd never fucking do that! GROSS! i'm grossed out all over again!

lah: i dunno. it's becoming a problem... i can't believe someone was shitting with the door open, either. maybe she was SO into it, she didn't notice that she'd neglected to lock the door. heh.

ian: in hindsight, i should've said or done something bitchy... but GOD, i was just not expecting that to happen! damn it! i'm one of those people who always think back and say, "shit! i should've said that!" or "shit! i should've done this!" ah well.

808: yeah... thanks for putting it in perspective for me. heh. either way, though, that's nasty... i don't care WHAT it is. GET IT IN THE TOILET SEAT.

2:20 PM  
Blogger J. said...

I tried to comment earlier but, alas, blogspot was being a pain in the buttttttt. Heh.

I wonder if you're "You must pay for water" woman is the same woman I got into a fight with at my post office. She was a cut taker, spot stealer. The bitch. Hmph. Yes, I'm still harboring evil thoughts about her. Don't say I don't hold a grudge. :p

I'd bet she's the one who pissed on the toilet and floor, too. Either that or someone was walking their dog in your bathroom.

3:20 PM  
Blogger grace said...

mm: yeah... seriously... maybe she was on the rag or something... but, even so...

jeanette: probably! did your chick fit the definition of being AVERAGE? this woman was like average height, average looks, average weight, nothing really stood out about her... in fact, i can't even picture her face in my head anymore... wtf?

4:10 PM  
Blogger Cece said...

UnFUCKINGbelievable. I really cannot believe that you have to PAY for coffee at your office. Where do you WORK?! HELL?!
Furthermore, that lady was a bitch.

7:37 PM  
Blogger Anon said...

I would have looked at her, started talking in Korean, moving my hands around in magical motions and then clap my hands in front of her face. "Ancient tradition. I hope you survive."

Stupid bitch! Trying to charge you .25 for WATER? What's wrong with America these days! Shesh!

5:37 AM  
Blogger cat said...

you should have knocked her in the head with your mug. hee! "oh, yeah??? well... take THAT!" *WHOMP* and then giggled.

my shawn used to clean washrooms (in american that would be restrooms :)) and he's never seen anything like the lady's room in a public place. he's said it has been some of the grossest experiences in his life. he doesn't know HOW women manage to do what they do but it's scary. how the HELL do you get shit all over the walls in the stall? huh? HOW?? ugh.

i really hate to see what these peoples' bathrooms at home look like. if you can't get the toilet paper in the toilet or anything else for that matter... ew. i am never coming to visit you.

7:53 AM  

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