grapple

i finally got to try out a grapple (pronounced Grape-L).

i've been obsessed with them for months now! and i finally bought some. they're still $3.99 at ralph's, but the korean market had them for $2.50... and i just HAD to have them...

the initial smell of grape is a little disconcerting because it's sooo strong. and it smells like the fake grape... but it tastes pretty good. tastes like apple with a liiiitle bit of grape... i like the consistency and texture of them, too. mmm...

kinda pricey for freakin' apples... but at least i finally got to sate my curiosity.

month-end

is it just me, or does it feel like month-end keeps coming faster and faster every month. okay, maybe that didn't make sense. i just feel like the time is whizzing by and i've got nothing to show for it.

also, working is interfering with my blogtime and i don't like it.

so, before i go into the gory details of the weekend, i just wanted to say that i love yamashiro. cool little japanese restaurant really close to the hollywood bowl. i was expecting the prices to be outrageous and the portions to be tiny, but ... i was pleasantly surprised. and the view is pretty cool, too...

and have i mentioned that i love sake?

and in case you were wondering, i did spend most of my weekend in a drunken stupor... except for sunday morning... when i had to go to church with steve and his mom. if i didn't turn so goddamned red when i drink, i probably would've been drunk sunday morning, too.

whatever.

anyway, so, what gory details would you like to know about LE and/or her boyfriend (i'll just call him LEB from here on out)? :P i'm sure you've already read the drunken post... and LE wrote such nice stuff about us! thanks for making us sound fun! :D

LE is pocket pal-sized. LEB is... not. he's like 6'3". holy god. he's like a freakin' giant. but skinny. hehehe... i think that he thinks i'm completely insane. that's an accurate assumption, though...

they are so cute together... and (look away, LE!) i'm surprised that they're not married yet :P they've been together for a while... and they complement each other so well!

LEB's a great sport. or he's just whuuuupped! i'm not sure which. :P and LE was this little barrel of fun... in my drunken stupor i think i saw her dancing... but there was no nudity, so i was uninterested. :P

hrm... HRM... what else? if i was more sober, i probably would remember more. i do know that steve was making drinks, so i know for sure that LE was FUCKED UP! also, her post says she was. :P she had a hangover! hehehe... it's not a party unless you're hungover, i guess...

at any rate, we're waiting for the HOA to write us up... damn you party animals!

:)

last night... we went to an oscar party. we had a lot of fun... the host of that party writes movie reviews with some other people. they've been featured in the OC Weekly (alternative paper) and stuff... check them out. maskedmoviesnobs.com

they write really great reviews... i mean, not that kind of shit that i write ... i mean, these are like, for real... and stuff... because... they're... like articulate... and stuff.

i never used to watch awards shows before i met steve. i just didn't care for them. but last night was the most fun ever! i think it's because i met this girl there and we were just making tons of snarky comments the whole time. i love making fun of celebrities...

the best moment of the whole night was when the guy won for best song (from motorcycle diaries). antonio banderas and carlos santana (who both fucked up the song, in my opinion) performed it earlier.... and so this guy wins... gets up there, accepts his award, and doesn't say a fucking word. he just sings a part of the song... like, "yeah, BITCH. this is how it SHOULD be done!" and then gets off the stage. that shit was fucking awesome...

okay. so, that was my weekend. back to work for this little monkey...

i'm drunk

so, what else is new?

little eyes and boyfriend are here. and we're playing karaoke revolution. it's fun .... drunk blogging is fun.

boyfriend is singing sweet home alabama. HAH!

that's some funny ass shit.

yikes. i'm drunk. i may need steve to hold back my hair as i puke.

surprisingly, i drank a lot today. 4 or 5 shots of sake, 2 vodka tonics, one special steve drink, one vodka grape juice concoction (huh huh. con-cock-tion) and i'm drunk as fuck... this is sad. i'm the only drunk person here. that sucks... actually, it's fun...

i have to take a piss.

s: the special steve drink was my vodka frapuccino...damn, how the hell do you spell that? oh well, whatever...le is now singing "it's my life"...it's like gwen is here in our home!!

now grace is singing "papa don't preach"...it's all about the pop songs after a few drinks...

next up: jason on "rock and roll all night"! yeaaaahhh baby!

hi, it's little eyes here, an d iim buzzed a litle my bf is singing karoake for the first time, and he's doing great. it was great talking to mike and nina for the first time. i wish i could have talked longer but i was a little fuckedup. i'm kinda fucked right now because it's been a while since i've drunk. is that a verb? steve is singing jamiroquai and he's doing pretty fucking good. fuck@

g: LE is commanding me to type. but i don't feel like it. fuck it. i'm done. i'm very drunk.... seriously... i even have a headache. this is sad. damn it. i guess it's not a good drinking night for me. yikes. i could pass out right fucking now.

le: gracie is going to do let's get it in on by marvin gaye...fucking tough song, but she's doing great so far. she should be on americna idol, she'd fucking kill them.

s: jason has "friends in low places"...oh, and le somehow knows just when to do genie moves when she's singing "genie in a bottle" even though she's "never seen the video" :P

ok, i just did "my girl" and now le is rockin' "here without you"...next up, me on "i'm without you"...

le:hi, steve is doing avril and doing fucking great. look out american idol. we'd win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

s: le just blazed "white flag"...wow, they really love the dido on these games...

le: grace is paseed out, fucking lightweight!

s: le is closer to "paseed" out than she thinks :P now she's all over "we are family"...and now grace is back from the dead with "every breath you take" which works very well with a heavy slur...hey, remember when sting used to be cool? what the hell happened? when did he become the tony robbins of rock? damn, he really needs to get back together with andy and stewart...

grace is alive again with "i will survive"...indeed...

ok, we just watched fatboy slim tear up brighton beach on dvd on the projector with the surround and subwoofer pumped up...mmm...just like being there...

g: i'm aliiiiive! wooty woot! i just needed to rest my eyes for a second :P we're trying to con the bunny into coming out and saying hello to our guests... come here, little baby bunny! :P

okay... everyone's gone now... g'night, gracie. oh, wait. that's me. damn. i just got my second wind, too. fucking party poopers :P who's the lightweight now? oh. that's still me. DAMN IT!

ligers and bears, oh my!

ligers are real! dude, i had no idea!

in yesterday's LA Times there was a story about ligers!

except i don't think they're bred for their skills in magic :P



No lie: That 'tiger' may be a liger
By Robin Abcarian, Times Staff Writer


Napoleon Dynamite would be so relieved. The massive feline on the loose in the Simi Valley veld was not a liger.

It was a tiger, now a very dead tiger. The mystery ended Wednesday morning, when the creature, spotted near an elementary school, was shot and killed by law enforcement officials.

Earlier in the week, Patrol Capt. Roland Takayama of the California Department of Fish and Game ignited imaginations when he speculated on a National Public Radio show that the giant cat, who had eluded officials for eight days, was "either a lion or a tiger, and some people have thrown the theory out that it's a liger, a hybrid of the two."

"A mix of a lion and a tiger?" asked "Day to Day" host Madeleine Brand. "It's not like a jackalope? It's a real thing?"

"Yeah," said Takayama. "It's a real thing."

This may have come as news to fans of "Napoleon Dynamite," the cult movie that stars the world's nerdiest, Tater Tot-loving high school student. In one of the movie's best loved and oft-quoted scenes, Napoleon is drawing a mythical creature with stripes, a mane and rhino-type horns down its spine. "A liger," he explains. "It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed ... bred for its skills in magic." In chain stores that cater to adolescents, such as Hot Topic, T-shirts featuring Napoleon Dynamite's rendering of the liger have sailed off shelves. Online boutiques have many versions.

The writer and director of "Napoleon Dynamite," 25-year-old Jared Hess, said he was inspired by a strange event that took place near his hometown of Preston, Idaho, 10 years ago.

"There was a really weird commune or cult and they were breeding ligers," he said by phone from Buenos Aires, where he was shooting a commercial. "It was called Ligertown, USA. The humane society or some animal rights group found out about the horrible conditions that the ligers were living in and they, or maybe the owners, set them free one night. There were all these ligers running around our farming community for a couple days. My brothers had a football game and they could hear all these sirens and gunfire."

Actually, according to news reports from the time, Ligertown was a two-acre compound owned by a couple who were eventually convicted on charges of animal cruelty and creating a public nuisance. Nineteen big cats were killed and 27 others found refuge at the Wildlife Waystation in Angeles National Forest. It's unclear how many of the animals were ligers.

"Since we shot the film in Preston," said Hess about the Idaho set location, "of course Napoleon would be interested in what he would consider supernatural creatures or cross-breeding between different species, and the science and fantasy behind it all."

Jon Heder, who played Napoleon, drew the liger featured in the film, after taking input from some of the local teenage extras about what a liger should look like. "He's a pretty good artist," said Hess of Napoleon. "He's studied animation." The horns on the spine, said Hess, are "battle spikes."

No one seems to know how many real ligers there are. Public zoos don't keep them and will barely acknowledge their existence. And they don't occur in nature. In fact, they are a more or less deliberate act of creation, much like the mule is a deliberate pairing of the donkey and the horse. (Why it's not called a "honkey" or a "dorse" is anyone's guess.)

"I don't know much about ligers," said Takayama. "They look real stupid and goofy to me. Like a washed-out tiger or a lion that doesn't look right, with faint stripes."

Tell that to Tippi Hedren, caretaker of a stunning, 15-year-old liger named Patrick. Patrick, who weighs nearly 700 pounds, lives at the Shambala Preserve in Acton, having arrived there some five years ago from a private zoo in Illinois. "Everybody loves him," said Hedren. "We treat him like he's wrapped in cotton batting. He seems to have a great capacity for love. He's a very benevolent animal."

Patrick, said Hedren, has behavioral characteristics of both species. "He speaks both languages," she said. "He roars like the lion ... and chuffs like a tiger. He has this great basso profundo chuff."

Like all ligers, Patrick is the product of a lion father and a tiger mother. Cubs born to tiger fathers and lion mothers are called, yes, tigons. Most such hybrids are assumed to be sterile, the way mules are, but this is not always the case. Some years ago, said Hedren, she had a tigon named Noelle who lived in a compound with other cats.

"We had been told by a couple of veterinarians — red-faced later, I might add — that she was sterile. So we did not put Noelle on birth control. We noticed she was having a coochie-coo relationship with a tiger."

Some months later, Noelle surprised everyone. "She gave birth under a big red bus," said Hedren. "There was all kinds of noise and we thought a domestic cat was being murdered." Instead, it was a big entrance for a cub, which she called a "ti-tigon" for its three-quarter tiger, one-quarter lion heritage.

Martine Colette, founder of the Wildlife Waystation, has two female ligers, one from Ligertown. "One is exceedingly shy and hates people. The other is as friendly as a dog." Lions, she said, are social creatures. Tigers are not. "You can see a little behavior of each in both of mine."

Although ligers exist, there does not appear to be any such creature as a liger expert. The San Diego Zoo's cat experts said through a spokeswoman that they didn't have anything to say about ligers. The director of conservation and science at the Fort Worth Zoo would not even speculate about why anyone would cross a lion and a tiger. "Our goal," said Tarren Wagener, a lion specialist, "is to preserve the species."

However, Ron Tilson, director of conservation for the Minnesota Zoo, was less reticent. Creating a liger, or a tigon, he said, "is the production of freaks by people who have freaky minds. It's abominable to think that this sort of thing is somehow made into a movie or a cult icon when, in fact, what it represents is these dirty little sideshows in circuses with bearded ladies or two-headed dogs. This is not about nature … it's about mischievous lowlifes."

Lions and tigers are biologically similar enough that they can mate and have done so in captivity. In the wild, their paths don't generally cross.

No one is able to estimate with authority a liger's lifespan. It seems to be shorter than those of a lion (up to 25 years in captivity) or a tiger (up to 20 years in captivity). "We haven't had them around long enough to know what their longevity might be," said Colette.

In any case, plenty of people would have no idea what they were looking at even if they came face to face with a liger.

"What I have found is that the average person wouldn't know a lion from a tiger," said Colette. "And I regret to tell you that. Watching tours coming through this facility, you wouldn't believe the number of people who look at the tiger and say, 'Look at the lion!' "

it's friday... i'm in love...

besides my back being totally fucked up and me being almost completely unable to walk, today's all right. it doesn't completely suck.

it looks like i'm going to hit my number with minimal stress this month. woohoo!

but, besides work... i talked to my bro's counselor yesterday. if my brother gets up to level 3 next week, we can talk to him on the phone! once a month... i can't even imagine what he voice sounds like. well, no. i can. but it's not nice. it's him screaming and cursing. so yeah. i would like to just have a normal conversation with him... i've almost forgotten what that's like. my mom is super sad because she can't take incoming calls at the hospital, so she may miss talking to him. she is going to be SO disappointed :( i feel bad about that...

my poor mom... she's working double shifts to keep my brother in that school. it's rough for her. but at the same time, she doesn't seem to mind. she's a good woman. a real giver. besides her craziness, she is a wonderful person... and when i really think about it, i do want to be like her... but minus the craziness...

we're supposed to be going up to hollywood today. my back is pretty fucked up, so i hope we don't have to stand for a long time. does anyone have any muscle relaxers they can part with? i think i need some.

the guy who sits behind me is leaving the company today. he was one of the few people who i didn't mind come into my cube and talk to me. he was a nice guy. i mean, he is a nice. god, he's not dead! hehe...

at any rate, i should be outta here by 2pm today. i'm just counting down the minutes... less than 200 to go... heh.

HUNGRY

fuck. i'm fucking STARVING.

why, for the love of god???? my stomach is growling so loud, the guy behind me asked me what "that noise" was... damn it! that's so fucking embarrassing.

last night there just wasn't any food in the fridge... so we ended up having dino nuggets and french fries... what am i, like 5? whatever, it was fucking tasty. dino nuggets are my favorite chicken nuggets ever. not only do they taste good, but i can growl at steve with it with every bite. unless i bite the head off first. heh. yeah. i'm retarded. what of it?

mmm...

i really should go grocery shopping tonight. this is getting sad. i don't know what to make for dinner tonight. we could have burgers, i guess, but we don't have any bread. well, we have sliced bread, but it's in a frozen state... it needs to be thawed. and we only have lettuce. no tomatoes. *sigh*

maybe we have mac and cheese. mmm... there's always pasta. i always have a shitload of crappy pasta and crappy sauce on hand. why? in case i get desperate. like now... but unlike me, steve doesn't want to have pasta every night for dinner. bastard.

christ, i'm fucking hungry.

GRRRRRRRRRRR <-- that was my stomach....



on another note, someone found my blog by typing in "chubby chasers animated graphics" what the fuck? what are you looking for??? and why? i don't get too much weird shit, so when i do, i get all excited... heh...

Entertainment: Movies, Games, Music

::MOVIES::

AVP: Alien vs. Predator. uhm... yeah... the best part of the whole movie for me was the MPAA rating screen... and they gave a disclaimer about there being violence, gore and slime in the movie. SLIME? SLIME is bad? christ... nickelodeon should be like, NC-17 then, no? idiots. it was pretty bad... and there's no fucking alien versus predator action until we were about an hour into the movie. jeezus. why didn't they just name it cute girl versus alien? christ. anyway, i do want them to make a sequel to it, though. not because it's good but because *SPOILER ALERT* i want to see what the spawn of the alien and the predator will be like...

Igby Goes Down. such a great flick. this is the second time i've seen it. a culkin boy at his finest. he plays an angsty rich boy. his father is in the insane asylum and his mother is just mean, pushy, and manipulative. igby can't figure out how to navigate himself through life. he gets kicked out of school after school. it's basically a coming of age story... it's a good one, though. promise.

My Architect. documentary about an illegitimate son trying to find out more about his father, louis kahn, famed architect. it was so good. i also love documentaries. this movie was ... so... i don't know. made me want to do something with my life. something... worthwhile. something
that would... i dunno. leave a mark. but i won't. and that's sad. anyway, it's a wonderful documentary.

::GAMES::

Super Monkey Ball 2. we spent some time this past weekend playing this game. fun, crazy, japanese wackiness! :P ooh, and check out this funny ass site. the characters are basically monkeys in balls... you can play a punching game, pool, bowling, golf... all sorts of mini-games... there's also a one-player game, too...

Mario Party 4. we also spent a lot of time playing this game. fun game. it's like a board game with mini-games interspersed. i sucked at it... makes me want to get all of them. i think they're up to mario party 6, now...

Karaoke Revolution 3. oh, how i love thee! it's so much fun!!!! also, you can do duets! we didn't get to do any because we didn't have another mic... but one day, oh, one day, we will!!! it's just so fun... but only if you like to sing... by the way, mike sings GREAT. hehe... everyone should hear him sing once.

::MUSIC::

Ludacris: Red Light District. hrm... what to say about this one... it was fun, i guess. i'm not a huge fan of ludacris. maybe it's because i keep wanting to spell it ludicrous. he definitely has some fun and catchy shit, though...

Jennifer Lopez: Rebirth. okay... everyone has their guilty pleasures. not that i LOVE her or anything, but i have to admit that some of her shit is catchy. and i find myself singing along despite myself... and yeah, she has a shitload of uninspired bullshit... but god... every once in a while, she comes out with some fun stuff... as far as this album goes? she has one good song. her current single, "get right." other than that, the rest of the album is shit. album will be released 3/1.

Erasure: Nightbird. i love erasure. i love mostly their older stuff... well, i wasn't that fond of their Other People's Songs album. but other than that, i love their stuff. sure, most of their songs start off the same way.... but i still love their music. this album was a very solid album. usually there are one or two songs that i just LOVE and will listen to over and over again. i didn't find any in this album, but it's very listenable.

New Order: Waiting for the Sirens' Call. this is a fucking great album. maybe i'm biased because i love new order. i especially love their first single off this album, "krafty." i always thought that bernard sumners' voice was a little weak, but it just so works for the music. drops 3/28.

Moby: Hotel. i only listened to the first cd of the 2 cd set. it's a lot more eclectic than his album, Play. or even 18. play was a huge hit with dancing tunes galore, 18 was much more melancholy. this one... well... it's pretty good. you can't expect it to be like Play or 18, though. there is a cover of New Order's Temptation that shouldn't be missed, though. nothing like new order. it's beautiful. album drops 3/22.

The Game: The Documentary. the newest member of G-G-G-G-G-G-G-unit! the album has a lot of big name guests and guest producers on it. it's a good album. i'm sure if i gave it another listen (we were driving back from AZ and i kept falling asleep) i'd like it a lot more. steve described it as "solid." i do have to say that the bass lines on it are fucking insane. i thought my speakers were going to blow. i changed the bass to just about no bass and it was still just thumping.

Audio Bullys. listened to an essential mix from years ago. british duo... not like anything you've heard before. i'm still not sure if i love them or not. they remind me of basement jaxx a little bit (maybe it's because they're both duos) but ... they're just dirtier... in a good way.

Black Sun Empire. drum 'n' bass that hits hard. i love black sun empire. everyone should listen to them. EVERYONE.

today's a day for stealing...

i stole this from 8zero8's blog. check his blog out sometime. funny, funny shit. by the way, the background music is funny as hell... but if you're at work, you may need to turn down the volume. oh, and i only got 7 out of 16 right. i SUCK.


and this is from wayne's blog... another quiz! because i'm sure you're all dying to know more useless tidbits about me... and i'm not feeling like posting my own shit right now. btw, wayne's blog is fucking funny as hell, too... and i just love his cartoon's...


1) WHAT ARE YOUR RANDOM 10 SONGS?

i'm not really sure what this question means... but here goes:
Ella Fitzgerald: Mack the Knife
Massive Attack: Risingson
Portishead: Strangers
Bebel Gilberto: Jabuticaba
Electronic: Get the Message
Depeche Mode: Home
Mos Def: Umi Says
AK1200: Drowning
Roni Size: Brown Paper Bag
the Smiths: Some Girls are Bigger than Others

2) WHAT IS THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF MUSIC ON YOUR COMPUTER

i don't have that much on my computer. have an assload of CDs, though.

3) THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?

yikes. i don't remember. steve buys them for me usually. heh. the last one i got was celso machado.

4) WRITE DOWN 5 SONGS YOU LISTEN TO A LOT OR MEAN A LOT TO YOU

this is tough for me...
Morrissey: Now My Heart is Full
Morrissey: Speedway
Depeche Mode: Home
the Cure: Pictures of You
Deee-Lite: Say Ahhh...

***************************************

1) WHAT IS THE GEEKIEST PART OF YOUR BOOK COLLECTION?

robert jordan...heh. *blush*

2) WHAT DID YOU DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY?

we did it early. HUH HUH.

3) WHAT DID YOU GET ON VALENTINE'S DAY?

my blog said it all already.

4) WHAT IS YOUR SECRET GUARANTEED WEEPING MOVIE?

pretty much anything. i'm a fucking puss.

5) IF YOU COULD HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?

i would make my boobs even :P that way i wouldn't have to wear a bra. yes!

6) DO YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL FEAR?

i have lots of them. now just doesn't seem like the time or place to go into them.

7) WHAT IS THE LITTLE PHYSICAL HABIT THAT GIVES AWAY YOUR INSECURE MOMENTS?

can't make eye contact.

8) DO YOU KNOW ANYONE FAMOUS?

joe. JOE MAMA, BITCH! sorry. i'm retarded.

9) WHAT DO YOU CARRY WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES?

i dunno. purse? except at the gym...

10) WHAT DO YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A KID?

having my grandma buy me ice cream from the ghetto ass ice cream truck.

11) WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU WERE LISTENING TO?

Marvin Gaye: Let's Get It On

12) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PLAY?

unfortunately.

13) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

of course... i'm still in love :)

14) DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?

sometimes and no.

15) DO TRANSIENT, HOMELESS, OR STARVING PEOPLE SOMETIMES ANNOY YOU?

no. i would like to help... seems like when i was college i was a more giving person, though. i suck.

16) WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD PLAY?

piano. my parents told me i would regret it if i quit playing... and i didn't believe them. damn it! i hate it when they're right.

17) FAVORITE FABRIC?

yikes. i don't know. i don't know the name of them... is seersucker a fabric? heh. christ. i don't know.

18) WHAT'S ONE LANGUAGE YOU WANT TO LEARN?

japanese. so i wouldn't have to wait for the fansubs... i took a semester in college. i don't remember shit.

19) WHAT DO YOU ORDER AT A BAR?

vodka tonic. ketel one preferably. no SKYY. good lord. no.

20) HAVE YOU EVER PIERCED YOUR BODY PARTS?

uh-huh

21) DO YOU HAVE TATTOOS?

uh-huh

22) DO YOU DRIVE A STICK?

i used to. my baby tercel... *sigh* now i have an automatic.

23) FAVORITE TRAIT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX

nice arms :) oh, yeah. and a personality :P pffff :P

24) MOST FRIVOLOUS PURCHASE?

all that shit i keep buying from the dollar bins at target. fucking target.

25) WHAT ARE YOU BEST AT COOKING?

i don't know... steve eats everything i make, even when it sucks. and he tells me it's tasty.

26) WOULD YOU EVER GO OUT DRESSSED LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX?

would i have to tape down my boobs?

27) WHAT'S ONE CAR YOU WILL NEVER BUY?

anything american. the doors are too fucking heavy.

28) WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ?

everything... just about.

29) IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

pay off the mortgage... and help other family pay their shit off.

30) DO YOU CRY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS?

i have... i don't like to cry in front of people, though.

31) WHAT'S ONE THING YOU LIKE TO DO ALONE?

masturbate. no. it's more fun when steve's there :P okay, here's my answer: go grocery shopping.

32) ARE YOU A GIVER OR A TAKER?

giver. sometimes.

33) WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

probably the last movie i watched.

34) HOW MANY DRINKS BEFORE YOU'RE TIPSY/SLEEPY?

usually, 1. on a good drinkin' night 3 or 4. those nights don't come around very often.

LOST

wtf, man!!! why don't they show any back story on hurley? it's driving me insane! steve is claiming that hurley's one of "those" people from the island...

is he??? this shit is driving me insane!

but THEN... did anyone else notice that on the little korean girl's tv screen, there was a shot of hurley on it? he was getting into a car... WTF???? what's he doing on korean tv? i couldn't hear what he was saying... or if it was him talking or what...

does that mean that he's not part of the island and the producers are just trying to throw us off by not showing any back story on hurley? wtf?

WTF???

i've gotta know. i can't wait for a whole week!!!! GAH!!!!!

good news and bad news

okay, 2 good things and one bad...

good news:

1 - it's just absofuckinglutely gorgeous out here today! oh, god, i hope the weather lasts through the weekend. i'm so tired of the rain! guess i'm just spoiled from the usually good weather here.

2 - my cleavage looks AWESOME today! i did a double take in the restroom! i have to remember to wear this bra/top combo more often.

bad news:

even though this is only a 4-day work week, it still feels like i put in a full week.

what the fuck? no seriously. it feels like it should be friday today. and it felt like it should've been friday yesterday. damn it! i hate work.

things that PISS ME OFF

another reason i hate people...

there are some people who think that they're so fucking open-minded... they pride themselves on being open-minded... but they're really not...

and everything has to be on their fucking terms. they talk themselves into believing that they're so much better than you. and they're not.

they think they're so fucking intelligent, but they're not. they think they're different, but they're not.

condescending idiots.

that kind of shit reminds me of PSYCHO. and i hate it.

people are so fucking stupid. it's unbelievable.

fuck them.

i feel much better now. blogging's so passive-aggressive. it's so me.

how did i even graduate from college?

it's becoming quite clear to me that my school should never have given me a diploma.

i have a degree in business administration. and i don't know a fucking thing about it. i have to ask steve EVERYTHING about... well, everything.

seriously, anything that has to do with money, i have to ask him... jeezus... what? 401K? mortgage payments? interest? my eyes just fucking glaze over.

i'm soooo glad that he bought our place before i ever came into the picture. i think i would've FREAKED THE FUCK OUT if i had to deal with any of that shit.

when i went into college, i had a full scholarship. an academic one, no less. i guess i'm just a good test taker. anyway, my freshman year, i just fucked around. i started out with a double major... and somehow i just barely squeaked by with one. heh. anyway, i needed a 3.5 to keep my scholarship, so i was shit outta luck.

i wrote the board this letter... a total bullshit letter and they agreed to extend my scholarship for another year... but i was on probation.

i might've been able to keep my scholarship had i gotten a 4.0 my sophomore year... and had i taken an assload of classes... but that didn't fucking happen. heh.

so i lost my stupid scholarship. i was taking this stupid botany class... and i hated it. i hated every fucking second of it. i hated it so much, i withdrew from the class... he was the only professor teaching that class. and just about every fucking major needed it... except, business administration. and that's what i went with.

i didn't get horrible grades in those business classes, either. i guess i was just going through the motions and just did what i was told. and i got through it.

and i must've repressed those memories or something. sophomore through senior years were the Psycho Years, so maybe i really did. heh.

regardless, though... i can't believe they gave me a freakin' diploma. it's probably not even valid. heh. i'm beginning to wonder why i even went.

the only thing i learned in college was how to appreciate a good wine. YOU CHUG IT. :P no, but really. that's all i learned. i didn't need to go to college for that!

i only made one friend in college. all my other friends are from high school or pre-puberty. i didn't retain any information from any of my classes. i don't have great memories from most of my college years.

i guess i just did college because i was expected to. i still feel lost most of the time, like i don't know what i want to do when i grow up. i'm really beginning to think i didn't need to go to college.

i can't resist this shit!

this is the fault of yb and j. damn you two.

1. What time do you get up? 7am.

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? johnny depp (sorry, j! we can have a 3some, though :P hehe)

3. Gold or silver? neither. platinum, baby. :P

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? this is going to be sad. i seriously believe that it was farenheit 9/11. yes, it's been that long. we have a projector, people! what do we need to go to the movies for? :P

5. What is your favorite TV show? 3-way tie. HUH HUH. i said 3-way. desperate housewives, lost, battlestar galactica.

6. What do you have for breakfast? normally i don't eat breakfast. if i do, it's cereal or a freakin' granola bar.

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? PSYCHO.

8. What/who inspires you? music.

9. What is your middle name? Hye-Eun.

10. Beach, city, or country? what, no option for suburbia? :P hehe. i'm going to go with the beach...

11. Favorite ice cream? can't eat much of it. i, like j, am lactose intolerant. i love breyer's vanilla ice cream, though.

12. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? plain.

13. Favorite color? orange.

14. What kind of car do you drive? silver scion xA

15. What characteristic do you despise? there are so many! how could i possibly just pick one! no, seriously. i can't. it might be condescension. or stupidity. hrm...

16. Favorite flower? birds of paradise.

17. If you could go anywhere in the world on a vacation, where would you go? back to tahiti.

18. What color is your bathroom? boring.

19. Where would you retire to? so cal. hey, i'm already here! :P

20. Favorite day of the week? friday night.

21. What did you do for your last birthday? went to a moroccan restaurant with the hubby.

22. Where were you born? seoul, korea

23. Favorite sport to watch? fuck sports. does porn count? :P

24. What laundry detergent do you use? tide.

25. Coke or Pepsi? i don't drink much soda... if i had to pick, it'd be coke (sorry, yb!)

26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? neither. i used to be a night owl. now i just love sleep too much.

27. What is your shoe size? 7

28. Do you have any pets? 2. the bunny and the hubby :P

29. What is the title of the last book you read? oh, christ. this is embarrassing. gardens of the moon by steven erikson. i'm going to start up on middlesex soon, though. heh. *blush*

i'm a disgusting little creature

that's what steve always calls me... last night, i confirmed it...

i drank way too much wine (well, it wasn't that much, but it was too much for me. it wasn't quite half a bottle, i don't think. maybe it was. who knows.) and i fell asleep on the floor in the living room. steve had to pick me up take me to bed. i was on his side of the bed. i probably drooled on his pillow. but that's not the worst of it. i didn't wash my face OR brush my teeth. EWWWW....

he should divorce me right now.

speaking of disgusting little creatures, the bunny's been spending a lot of time indoors because of the rain. she makes our bedroom smell. BAD. she pees a lot. and poops even more. we have to put down these diaper things (that people use when they can't control their bodily fluids in bed) on the floor because she's a bad little bunny and will just go in the corner... that little fucking brat.

anyway, sometimes she will poop right next to it. luckily, bunny poop is just pellets. they don't stain or anything, so i don't get mad at her... and i will pick them up, put them on the diaper and tell her, "bunny buns, you need to poop on the diaper. that's what it's there for." yes, i realize she doesn't understand me, but i still tell her that.

when i do that, she sniffs at them, looks at me like she's saying, "a poop buffet? for me????" and will have at it. yes, bunnies eat their own poop. apparently, they have nutrients or something. whatever. it's fucking nasty. and then she will cut out the middle man. by middle man, i mean diaper. she will SUCK IT STRAIGHT OUT OF HER OWN ASSHOLE.

so NOW who's the disgusting little creature, HUH? HUH????

i love me some white boy dancing...

it might take a while to load up... but, damn it's worth it... i had the hardest time pretending to be working while this was playing... i couldn't even have a smirk on my face!!!!

check it.

RIP, Mr. Thompson

forgot to post this earlier in the day...

damn. now, why didn't i pick him for the dead pool?

actually, to be honest, i didn't even know he was still alive...

at any rate, RIP to a great writer and journalist.

YB and his quizzes

thanks for another quiz, YB...



i only got a 96. damn! oh well. there were some that after i saw the answers, i was like, "D'OH!" son of a bitch! i should've gotten more right.

i *heart* 3-day weekends

well, yeah... our weekend was pretty much just us getting wasted, playing video games, watching movies... and EATING. good lord. i ate a lot. mike also had a massage guy come in. mmm, massages for us!

so, mike and nina live in this palatial estate in arizona. it's a gorgeous home. i loved it. their guest bathroom has a red cross theme... there is honest to god glycerin in that bathroom. let's just say their home's not exactly child-friendly. :P hrm... what else??? sam was so sweet and vacated his room for us to stay in... we could've stayed in the other room... we wouldn't have minded at all.

OH! and i finally went to sonic. it is my FAVORITE fast food joint now. they have TATER TOTS... you can request a side of tots instead of fries! and they make sandwiches on texas toast. what's NOT to love? i may have to request to open up a franchise in cali, just so i can have it every once in a while. no, seriously. oh, and they have those jalapeno poppers... you know... fried goodness with cheese inside. mmm... i love those...

mike and nina were fabulous hosts... (thanks again, you guys.... we had fun hanging out! it's your turn to visit us next time. heh.)

steve drove all the way home... i slept pretty much the whole way... we stopped by the cabazon outlets because i had to pee, but we ended up going to the gap and the nike outlets. i thought we were going to buy steve stuff, but we didn't find anything for him. i, on the other hand, found lots of stuff to buy. i love socks!

when we got home, we checked on the poor baby bunny. GOOD GOD, but she poops and pees a lot. which is bizarre because she doesn't drink a whole lotta water. she gets all her water from the fresh veggies... but, she wasn't too bad. she just destroyed the gameboy advance charger and one of my shoes. good bye strappy shoe. :( oh well. they were old and i never wore them anymore, anyway.

after we came home from the gym, it was raining and we decided to go hot tubbing! hot tubbing in the rain is great because the hot tub doesn't get too hot. making out doesn't suck, either! :P

oh, and steve made me dinner, too. he's the sweetest... :)

i was going to give him this little gift i'd gotten him for hubby appreciation, but i think i may have to give it to him for his bday because i don't have anything for his bday yet :( and it's coming up in less than 2 weeks. we're going to miami, but it's not like i'm really getting him anything... you know? oy vey...

what do you get the man who has everything? a prostitute. :P no, seriously. i don't know what to get him... *sigh*

*UPDATE* there IS a sonic in socal! holy shit! there's one in anaheim... which isn't that far from my house... holy god. i need to go... soon. for dinner tonight? hehe...

wow! i'm really fucking drunk!

what a surprise, eh?

i never get drunk. i'm SO not an alcoholic.

read nina's blog for the blow-by-blow.

HUH HUH. i said blow. i rule.

WTF???

seriously. what the fuck?

i spilled tea on me... TWICE this morning. i'm FOR SURE not taking my rain jacket off today.

ugh

normally, i copy post elsewhere before i try to publish ... especially now that blogger's been such a BITCH....

however... i just wrote one... and it was pretty short...and blogger didn't seem to be giving me too much of a problem... and i lost it. *smacks self on forehead* D'OH!

i have no idea what i was babbling about. damn.

oh yeah. i remember now.

i was writing about how fucking sad i am. not as in depressed sad. i mean like... i'm a sorry ass kinda sad. this morning on the way to work, i was going through my cell phone, deleting out old entries, etc... and i realized that... i have MORE work contacts than i do family and friends... COMBINED. is that not SAD? and the family # includes my dad, my mom and my sister. for each of their cell phones. how embarrassing.

i'm a fucking loser.

what else... what else was i babbling about.. oh yes. the white bunny fur ALL OVER MY BLACK PANTS because she always insists on rubbing her fat, white-furred body all over my legs whenever i'm wearing black... like she's marking her territory... telling all the other bunnies that i'm her bitch.

of course i forgot to delint myself before leaving home... so i had to use scotch tape all over myself when i came into work. do you have any idea how much tape i had to use? i think i used a third of a roll of scotch tape.

at least it's a 3 day weekend. wooty woot! :) and my boss told me to go home at lunch. guess who's taking an early lunch? :P

blogger... GAH!

wtf? blogger's fucked up again. usually i check here to see if there's something going on... but NOTHING.

stupid thing. if i weren't so addicted, i'd stop reading other people's blogs... yes, it is THAT frustrating. good thing i'm addicted.

i can't wait for this 3 day weekend...

i love my statcounter. i don't get the good things like mike does... like that dirty shit he gets... but i still laugh sometimes...

i got "yellow asian fever" once... i get a LOT of hits from searching for nicolas cage and alice kim. whatever... hrm... i got "thoughts on boyshorts" today. was someone checking to see what the popular opinion was on boyshorts or something? well... whoever did the search, BOYSHORTS ARE CUTE AND SEXY!

okay... anyway... i always wonder about those searches...

i wish i had better ones.

i'm going to have to start talking about dirty, dirty shit. but my friend johnny told me that he would stop reading my blog if i ever went into detail about our sex life. you have to understand, johnny's known me since i was about 10. i'm sure it makes him feel dirty or something. only for you, johnny... i'd bet more people would read my blog if i started talking about how i like to talk dirty and i like it rough sometimes. HAH! kidding! kidding! just trying to gross you out! you know i love you.

hey, someone clicked on my blog while doing a search on wifey world. what the fuck is that???? wifey world? is it someone looking for a mail order bride? or maybe for dirty pics of men's wives. hrm...

yesterday, we watched live tv in our home for the first time in... months. maybe it was years. no, we didn't get cable. we have an AVPC and we hooked up an antenna to it.

i got to see LOST while it was actually airing. shocking, i know. the only thing i hated was the fact that we had to watch commercials. next time, we'll record the first 15 mins or so... and then start watching so we can just skip all the commercials, but still finish watching it at the same time :) woohoo! it's like tivo. but it's a PC. god. technology fucking rules!

is it lunchtime yet? i'm fucking starving... and i never did get that doughnut.

Entertainment: Movies, Music, Games

MOVIES

Bride and Prejudice. based on Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." (as if you couldn't tell from the title.) it's fun. funny. if you like musicals. there aren't that many songs in it. hehe. it's silly and cheesy, but at least it knows it. all i know is i love indian music videos. it was so much fun! from the director of Bend it Like Beckham. i doubt it will do as well as "Beckham," but it's definitely worth a watch... at least for the gorgeous Indian ladies. holy god. particularly aishwarya rai. the biggest bollywood star. she's 32 years old (according to IMDB's profile) but ... she could pass for early 20s. steve says she was a previous miss world or something. my god. she is sooooo gorgeous. i just want to keep her in a glass box or something and keep her protected from the whole world. yes. it sounds like i have an unhealthy obsession with her. i might. heh. hey, imdb says she gained 20 lbs for the role. i think she should keep it. she looks so cute! *sigh*swoon* good god. i'm like a lovesick schoolboy. heh...

Rivers and Tides. i love documentaries... this is about an artist, andy goldsworthy, who uses elements in nature to create art... there is just something so beautiful about the whole thing. he creates something absolutely amazing and then can watch it as time passes and it falls apart. like the whole cycle of life in a mere few hours. well, some of them stand longer than just a few hours... god... it was just all so beautiful.

Shark Tale. oh, god. just don't. it was sooooo awful. not as bad as Home on the Range. but awful, nonetheless. just has big names attached to it. what a load of total shit. it is beautiful... so if you're into the whole animation thing, maybe you could just watch it with the sound off... good lord. there was one good line in the whole entire movie. the sexy fish (if there is such a thing), lola (voiced by angelina jolie... who's sexier than angelina??? *meow*) says to the stupid fish (will smith), "deep down inside, i'm really superficial." that's the best line ever. i even changed julia's name on the side bar to say that :P muwahaha.

MUSIC

Simply Jeff. funk 'n' trip... like the title suggests... funky and trippy sounds of the breaks from orange county's own breaks DJ. he started dr. freeclouds, the best store for dance music in OC.

Faithless - Faithless Forever. this is their greatest hits album. i don't think they're that big in the states, but they're pretty popular elsewhere. faithless is sister bliss (dj), rollo (dido's brother... i'm guessing he probably got her a start in music. but i don't know for sure), maxi jazz (frontman). it's a great album, especially if you like faithless. a lot of downtempo stuff... they do have the occasional happy track, but i never seem to like those as well....

Mitch Hedberg. okay, this isn't really music. comedy cd. of course i can't remember the name of the cd at the moment. i didn't like him for the first few minutes. i couldn't understand a damn word he was saying and it was pretty annoying... he fucking MUMBLES. but after a while, he really cracked me the fuck up. (thanks, johnny! we love it!)

GAMES

Zelda: A Link to the Past. i don't care what steve says. this isn't as good as the other one i just finished. meh. it's really annoying... i still play it just because it pisses me off, but i should just give up. i suck at it. i hate old games. you can't do anything unless it's at right angles. what the fuck? it's just fucked up. fuck princess zelda and the kingdom of hyrule. pffff.

Winnie the Pooh: Rumbly Tumbly. the cutest game ever! i, uhm... was just testing it out... uhm... for my cousin. i mean, if it sucks... i don't want her to play it. you know? uhm. yeah. anyway, it's cute... and it's a good game for like 6 or 7 year olds. heh. uhm... not for 28 year olds. uhm. no way. nope.

barry white's telling me take all my clothes off...

and who am i to say no to barry white?

he don't wanna see no panties... well, okay!

update

i finally got through to someone at the stupid place. i talked to my bro's counselor's supervisor. the supervisor was very concerned and said that the counselor's job was on the line now.

great. as useless as he is to me, he seems to be good with my brother. and my brother needs stability in his life...

i guess he got a stern talking to because he finally called me. didn't apologize nearly enough, but i was happy with the one, "i'm sorry about what happened. i shouldn't have committed to doing something if i wasn't able to follow through," that i did get.

so it's confirmed. i'm going to iowa in march.

all day today, i was making reservations and purchasing tickets and motel rooms today. i haven't done any work today at all...

okay, i did a little... a TINY, little bit. heh.

at any rate, i have to take 2 days off of work. one full day to travel and then 2 days for the seminar.

if i don't ever blog again after 3/10, it's because I'VE DIED. i don't know if i can survive that many days with just my dad... oy vey... it's going to be fucking brutal.

at least i finally got to talk to someone. not being able to talk to anyone to find out what was going on with my brother was driving me insane! (it was a short drive, at least. heh. *groan* that was a bad joke.)

hmmm, i guess i should get something done today...

*damn. i've been fucking craving a doughnut all day today... GAH!*

are you fucking kidding me?

so... my bro's counselor and i supposedly had an appointment to talk on the phone today at 10:30 my time.

he's not picking up the phone again.

i'm going to call the mother fucker every 10 minutes until he picks up the fucking phone. why is this so fucking difficult? WHY?

jeezus h. christ.

i hate drivers

on the way to work, i got cut off no fewer than 3 times.

WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE'S PROBLEM?

i mean, jeezus christ! there is PLENTY of room behind me. there wasn't anyone for miles. MILES! and people insist on trying to squeeze in... why? oh, and the second person HONKED and then flipped me off.

why???? i mean, almost no one honks in cali. unless it's a serious emergency or a car alarm is going off.

you know, when i cut people off, at least i give them a "thanks" wave. jeez. i didn't get one thank you. fucktards. i hate them all.

don't even get me started on the lady who insisted on driving in my blind spot for 4 miles. i'd slow down and she'd slow down. i'd speed up, she'd speed up. it was so fucking frustrating. i can't even explain how fucking annoyed i am.

i need a vacation

but what else is new? heh.

i don't have much to say today... i'm too stressed out to ... think even... or breathe comfortably. i'm aware of every breath and every breath is a chore... maybe i should just stop breathing.

i'm not saying other people don't hate their jobs... or they're not burned out... or whatever... but i think that other people just seem to deal with it better. and it's not a "mind-over-matter" thing... people are different... and they have different things that they can deal with. i just happen to get waaaaay too stressed about work.

i swear i'm giving myself wrinkles. i already have little nose wrinkles because i'm always wrinkling my nose. stupid, stupid nose wrinkles.

whatever. all i know is that i have a bottle of silver oak waiting for me at home... YUM. i can't wait. i don't have a drinking problem. i drink just fine.

OTHER THINGS THAT PISS ME THE FUCK OFF

so... last week, i had a phone appointment with my bro's counselor. it is ALWAYS every two weeks. on thursday. at 11AM, my time or 1PM his time.

we always double-check before we get off the phone...

i write him an email... since he NEVER CALLED ME BACK or sent me an email... i told him how i called him all fucking day long...

so he FINALLY fucking writes me back and he says how he had me down for 12:30 his time... or 10:30 my time. i just checked my notes. it says in red that we're supposed to talk at 11AM... NOT 10:30. and it's circled. twice.

WTF? this is the second time he's fucking lied to me. the first one was when he didn't send me an email with an update. but he SWEARS he sent it and then a week later (when we're talking on the phone) he offers to "resend" it... uhm. NO. why resend it? we're ALREADY ON THE FUCKING PHONE! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU NEED TO SEND IT "AGAIN," you fucking lying shit fucking asswipe!

GODDAMNIT! i hate it when people fucking LIE to me. especially when part of the program is about how you should be honest... and how you should DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO, FER CHRISSAKES!

if i call him a liar or talk to a supervisor, i'm afraid that he's going to treat my brother poorly. i hate feeling like i'm stuck in a position and i can't fucking do anything about it... FUCKING FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

a few more "fucks" and i think i might feel better.

and now JACKASS wants me to call him on wednesday at 12:30 his time.

okay, breathe in... breathe out... breathe in... breathe out...

i'm still pissed.

but on a happier note... my brother passed his seminar that he got "opted out" of last time... so i'm proud of him. i know it's very difficult for him to share his feelings... poor kid...

on a less happy note, looks like i'm going to iowa in march. fuck, it better warm up by then.

the weekend...

i spent friday night with mel... okay, that sounded dirtier than i meant it to... heh. anyway, we hung out friday evening... there. that's better.

she is so fucking funny. to be absolutely honest, though, i don't remember that much of the evening... i was pretty buzzed. normally i don't drink more than one or two drinks... but i had already had a few glasses of wine earlier... and then i had 3 vodka tonics. so we went to an irish pub... disappointingly enough, there weren't any irish boys... *sigh* but they did have fucking awesome fish and chips... and that makes up for it... well, for me at least. i don't know about mel.

and there was a cute boy flirting with mel, but he had an ugly friend... i totally would've taken one for the team and flirted with the ugly boy, but either he thought i was ugly too or he saw the wedding ring. damn it. stupid ring is ALWAYS ruining my game... sheesh.

so yeah... ugly boy wanted cute boy to leave... jerk! man... the only thing ugly boy had going for him was that he was 21. hehe...

oh, and cute boy thought we were like 24. bless his little 23 year old heart. okay, maybe he just wanted to get into mel's pants, but still...

what else happened? oh... yes... we were going to start drunk dialing... we only got in one call each when we realized that it was 1:50 in the AM. oops. i thought it was closer to midnight. oh well. (sorry, jules...) all i know is that i heard mel calling her cousin a dirty, dirty whore on her voicemail... and well, that made me laugh...

ya know, i'm a lightweight, and you'd think because mel's smaller than me, she'd be a lightweight, too... uhm... no. i'm about 99.9% sure she could drink me under the table...

i'm just glad that i can finally start stalking mel FOR REALS instead of this bullshit "cyber-stalking" and via voicemail... :P muwahaha....

i did have a good time, though... (thanks, mel)

(Q, LE, and any other SoCal people who want... we should hang out, too... but... uhm... you're going to have to give me your phone #s. we can't possibly make plans at 6PM on a friday via blogger! hehe... i'm such a stalker.)

i didn't do much the rest of the weekend... hung out, watched some flicks... on sunday, i hung out with my cousin's baby because his wife gets kind of sad when i don't spend time with sophia. she's really cute. she's just started talking a bit more... she only speaks spanish at this point (elena is salvadorean).

if you ask her if she wants something, she'll say, "siiiii!" but it sounds more like, "sheeeeee." and if she wants something else, she'll say, "mas" but... it sounds like "maaaahsh." and she calls her dad, "papi." that is just too cute... and she does some sign language, so she'll sign and tell me that she loves me.

makes me melt.

and then she starts screaming. and then i'm not melting anymore. i just want to stick my head in the cushions of the couch or something and start screaming, too.

then i had that burrito... i'm feeling a bit better, though. not quite as sick as i was earlier today. not 100% better, but at least i can eat without fear of poopy issues. ew.

BEST. PICKUP. LINE. EVER.

my friend johnny's been sending me funny little pics and stuff in honor of valentine's day...

i just love him... anyway, the funniest thing was that he told me he was going to some bars to look for chicks... and this was the line he was going to use on them:



i don't know about you, but i'd be smitten. SMITTEN, i tell you.

i'm not going to tell you that johnny's a sweetheart because girls apparently hate sweethearts. but i just *heart* him....

SICK

the past few days, every time i eat, my stomach will get all churned up in there... and then i'll start having ... uhm... bathroom issues. yeah. we're just going to leave it at that....

then i'll feel like shit for HOURS... (AND like shitting) but inevitably, i'll start feeling slightly better and then i'll be HUNGRY... and so then i'll eat... and the whole fucking vicious cycle starts all over again...

currently, my stomach feels better but i'm also starving... i wish i could just not eat... but if i don't eat, then my stomach starts bloating and it gets painful and i get headaches... it's just ugly.

what to do? what to do????

stupid stomach... and uhm... bowels. heh. ugh.

and yesterday was the WORST. we were supposed to go out to a club in hollywood last night, but i ended up just being miserable on the couch. stupid Chipotle burrito. i love their burritos... they're like a full pound... maybe pound and a half of mexican goodness... and i ate the WHOLE DAMNED THING... yeah... mmm... it was SO good...

why don't i have any self-control??? i know what's going to happen, but every time, i talk myself out of controlling myself... like, "you feel better, you're hungry, it'll be okay this time!"

pffff. this is such a pain in the ass... literally... :(

*on a happier note, i got the tutoring gig... well, if i clear the background check... and send in the application. good god, they want a shitload of stuff...*

king of the one-liners

sometimes, i wish steve would start a blog so everyone could see how fucking funny he is... on the other hand, i don't want him to ... because he would totally rat me out... everyone would know what i was really like and god... i don't want that. and you don't either. trust me.

on my cankersore: okay, okay... you don't have to give me a hummer!

me calling him a chubby chaser (the chubby being me): i have a chubby you can chase!

okay. i can't think of anything else right now... but those two things make me giggle. a lot.

i'm bored. i have shit i COULD be doing... i just don't want to do them. so i'm not. it's friday. i'm just unmotivated, i guess. i don't know how that's different from any other day, though... i need a goddamned drink. preferably a vodka tonic. mmmm...

today someone emailed me a link about how more and more people are getting fired for talking smack about their workplace on their blogs. why do i find myself being just a liiiiitle bit envious of those people?

this same someone also said that it would be okay if i got fired because steve and i are rich.

just as a clarification, steve and i are NOT rich. he's just good at managing money so we can afford to do just about everything we want to do. i have nothing to do with this... i'm absolutely terrible with money...

if i lost my job, we probably wouldn't be able to do a lot of what we want to... i'm not saying we're fucking charity cases, but we're certainly not rich. if we were rich, i definitely wouldn't be working. also, i'd fly back to NY weekly to get me some pizza. oh, and we'd get steve a new car. and we'd live in a mansion and i would have maids to take care of the place...

shit. i wanna be rich.

here're some words of wisdom for ya: if you can't marry for love, marry for MONEY. :P

okay, i'm really not that materialistic. if i won the lottery today, i don't think i would go nuts and buy myself a ferrari or go crazy at a strip club... i'm also not a middle-aged, balding man... but that's not the point. the point is, i think i'd just want to pay off our home, help my parents out and i dunno... invest the rest so we never have to work again. that sounds like bliss... just live the simple life... ahhhh.... *sigh*

FUCK!!!! is it 5:30 yet??????

do i curse? fuck, yeah!

so, yesterday, i left work around 4PM. there was a grand opening at a circuit city somewhat close to work, so steve and i went... they were giving out free $50 gift cards to the first hundred people in line! we had to try!

on the way over there, julia calls. i put julia down as a professional reference. before you get all excited, i haven't really started applying for new jobs. i'm applying for this part-time tutoring gig. partially so i don't feel so pressured to find a well-paying job if i just want to leave my field and partially because if i don't leave my field, i can stay here, and use the extra cash to help pay off the home... i mean, the faster we pay it off, the sooner i can quit my job permanently.

so, jules calls me LAUGHING her ass off...
jules: you know what they asked me?
me: no, what?
jules: (LAUGHING) they asked me (HAHAHA) if (HAHAHA) you (HAHAHA)... use foul language! HAHAHAHAHA...
me: awww, shit... you lied, right?

goddamn them... i can behave if i have to... like, i never curse in front of steve's family... shit, you wouldn't even know me if you saw me around them.

but what the fuck? like julia's going to say, "oh yeah, she's got a leeeeetle language problem." another thing they asked was if i dress conservatively. uhm... yeah. like she's going to say that i look like a poorly paid prostitute or something. whatever. i guess they have to ask....

at any rate, i don't know if jules fucked it up for me... i wonder if they're even going to bother to call anyone else :P

and oh, yeah... we got our $50 gift cards. barely. we were near the end of the line, but we got it :) we got 3 games for... $3. woohooo! :) SCORE!

oddworld
karaoke revolution 3
winnie the pooh's rumbly tumbly adventure (uhm... it's uh... not for me... it's... for my cousin's daughter. she's 2, but extremely advanced with uh... the... controls. amazing hand-eye coordination, she has, you know? it's... uhm... amazing. yeah.)

oh, and at southern cali circuit city locations, they always have some old laker player there. yesterday was AC Green. that means NOTHING to me. they did have laker girls, though! it was a rainbow of hot chicks! and i even asked steve if he wanted to take a pic of them with my camera phone, but he declined... so i guess he didn't think they were that hot... or maybe he thought i was baiting him. :P (steve, for the record, i totally wouldn't have cared... hehe)

and then my back started hurting. BAD. i couldn't even sit in the car without just being completely uncomfortable. by the time we got home, i thought i was going to die. so i took a muscle relaxer and drank some alcohol. i felt better for about... eh, 30 minutes or so... the pain wasn't completely gone, but i was at least functional. i didn't even get loopy. jeezus. what's the point of mixing drugs and alcohol if you're not going to get high? pffff.

anyway, there are a couple of downsides to taking muscle relaxers for me. the first being that they don't work all that well for me. i should probably take 2 next time. yeah... and the second is that when it completely wears off, i wake up. yesterday wasn't so bad, but normally when i wake up after it wears off, i can't sleep for at least 45 minutes... yesterday, i just looked at the clock (it said 1:16) and i fell back asleep. i guess i was tired.

i didn't want to fill out the worker's comp paperwork... i guess i'm in denial about this whole thing, but i guess i'd better go do that and see the company doctor. i'm just afraid it'll be a waste of time for me to go see him.

**by the way, i love the new way to post comments :D**

Entertainment: Movies, Games, Music, Books

MOVIES

Turkey Shoot. It was released under the name Escape 2000 when it came out in 1981. they shaved off 10 minutes of it so they could get the R rating. turkey shoot is the uncut movie. it was horrible. one of those so-bad-it-was-kinda-good-and-funny movies... and i love that the leading lady's real name is olivia hussey. and i love that the other main girl character's real name is lynda stoner. for some reason, that shit makes me giggle. the basic story: some "deviants" get a chance at freedom if they can survive a manhunt. the rich people hunt them down for sport. the weapons are awesome. exploding arrows (really lame effects) and a circus freak who eats toes and shit. it was so, so bad... and so, so amusing. the BEST part of the whole movie is when the female hunter finds her prey. my god, that's entertainment. i love the 80s.

Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. funny, funny stoner movie. and awesome dream sequences. i didn't even smoke, but i fucking had the munchies like you wouldn't believe. makes me wanna eat white castle burgers... and i've never even had it before... and NEIL PATRICK HARRIS on ecstasy has to be the funniest shit i've seen in a while... oh, man... good times...

Silver City. chris cooper does a SPOT ON impression of george w. bush. i thought it was good... not a happy ending. the rich people always get what they want, right? at the heart of it is a damned good story. i think there wasn't enough time to explain all the different directions it was going... chris cooper plays a politician who can't even put a coherent sentence together without a teleprompter and he's running for governor. he finds a dead body in the water and the discovery of the origins of this body threatens his bid for governorship. good god. when you look at that word a lot, it starts looking really fucking weird. governorship. governorship. governorship. governorship. governorship. weird.

The Boy Who Wanted to be a Bear. animated movie. it was gorgeous. it looked like most of it (if not all) was done in watercolor. i wouldn't know because i'm not an artist, but i've heard that watercolor is a pretty difficult medium to work in. all i know is that the premise was good, but the dialogue and story were a little weak (didn't stop me from crying like a little bitch, though). i think it's from greenland... or one of those cold places. heh. unfortunately, we got the dubbed version. ah well. a bear couple's cub dies, so they steal a baby boy and raise him. when his parents steal him back, they have to deal with his bear tendencies and his desire to live as a bear. it was good, though...

GAMES

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap is awesome. i thought i was close to being done before, but i was so wrong. there was just so much shit to find. i made steve beat the final boss for me. hehe. there was no way i was gonna try to do that shit. at any rate, it's a lot of fun. if you have a gameboy advance, it's a must play.

MUSIC

DJ Icey - For the Love of the Beat. they don't call him the king of the breaks for nothing. another great mix by dj icey... uhm... stay away from dj baby anne, though. that's his protege... and she sucks. she's just a pair of boobs behind a turntable. blah. he's always high-energy and good mixing skills.

Kasabian. one of the newer indie rock bands to come out of the UK. definitely worth a listen. reminiscent of the stone roses. one song in particular reminds me of radiohead, while another reminds me of oasis. catchy ass tunes and beats... they're almost famous... i hope they keep their sound. US release is out on march 8, although in the UK, it was september, last year.

SUV - Follow the Sun. SUV is one of the reprazent crew. 2 CD set. First CD is what they call "world music" (don't let that fool you. it's not really world music. it's just not drum 'n' bass). the second CD is the drum 'n' bass. it's not a mixed cd. just some really good tracks. it's a really solid album, though. it drops march 8.

Handsome Boy Modeling School - White People. this is a collaboration between dan the automator (gorillaz) and prince paul (de la soul). a ton of guests on this album, but it's not annoying. what was a little annoying was all of the little skits interspersed throughout. they were funny, but i didn't want to listen to them again... the music was great, though. it did a good job of spanning different genres, even if it had mostly hip-hop/rap in it. definitely worth a spin.

DJ Patife - Cool Step. drum 'n' bass with a lot of brazilian influence in it. (he is brazilian, after all) i love both types of music, so this album was fan-fucking-tastic. this is a great intro disc for people who don't know what drum 'n' bass is to get into d 'n' b. it's NOT heavy and hard like some drum 'n' bass can be (dieselboy, anyone?). great album, though.

Books

i'm totally going to embarass myself here and write about the book i'm currently reading. Steven Erikson's book - the first of a series, called Gardens of the Moon. there are more books, but they're in hardcover i think...

i used to read the robert jordan books a long time ago. i haven't kept up on them so i think that he's written 6 books since i read them. and if i want to read them again, i'd have to start from the beginning. yikes. but, i might do that since i have no idea when the paperback versions of the rest of these books are going to come out. i think that people who write these fantasy-type books have to be autistic or something. i mean, christ. there's so much fucking detail! anyway, if you're into robert jordan, i would suggest checking out gardens of the moon. next time, it won't be such an embarrassing book! :P

things that PISS ME OFF

when there's an appointment made, it should be KEPT. if it can't be kept, then let me know. via email or via phone. WHATEVER. it's not like i'm not accessible. jeezus h. christ.

i had an 11AM call with my bro's counselor. it's now 12:15. mother fucker didn't call me back. i've been calling on refuckingdial constantly. he doesn't fucking pick up. and it's not like he's trying to call me when i'm calling him because i have 2 lines on my work phone and my cell phone is not being used right now.

i guess i'm just super annoyed because this is the only day (for another 2 weeks) that he has phone time for me. and he's got all these other fucking people to talk to, so it's not like i can just call him later. and besides that, i need to know if my brother passed his seminar so i can make flight plans... or not make flight plans... whichever the case may be.

he's so fucking flaky. he forgets to send me emails on the email weeks, he doesn't call me back... WTF???

and i'm afraid if i get mad at him or chastise him or whatever, he's going to treat my brother poorly. this guy's only 25... i say only 25 because he just seems so much younger. even though that's only 3 years younger than me... BUT STILL.

i hope he calls me. another thing, they're not supposed to call out of the facility. so i don't think he will... i will have to commence with the stalking via phone again.

but, after lunch. heh.

i hate him.

i take it back...

i love v-day :P okay, i'll be honest, i love the sex that comes with it :P

we had an early v-day last night. when we got home, i asked steve what he wanted for dinner and he thought maybe we should just go out so that i wouldn't have to cook :) what a nice boy he is.

we ended up going to this place called chakra. it's really nice. i loved the decor. and food was really good. really rich, but really good. but, one thing... they didn't have samosas on the menu. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING INDIAN RESTAURANT DOESN'T HAVE FUCKING SAMOSAS????

jeezus.

anyway, it was good, though... :) as jeremy would say, deliciousness.

then we came home and had dessert :P

no wait. before we came home, we were walking around the stores and stuff and we saw a candy shop. and i love sweets. so we went in there and we saw a little clock. it was so cute. it was in the shape of miffy. i *heart* miffy. yes, i realize that i'm 28 years old. but you can't deny the cuteness of the cute little bunny. and i love miffy more than candy... so steve bought it for me. i think we should have kids so that i can pretend that all this shit for the kids. it's getting embarrassing.

anyway, so when we got home, i just figured that i'd give steve the "present" i was saving for him for v-day... like i said, we don't really do anything. just little stuff. so i'm not going to say what i got steve. because it's embarrassing. it was nothing. heh.

and since i gave him mine, he gave me his :P heh. oh, wait. i keep jumping ahead. hehe... so then he gives me this little book (again, i'm not saying what it is... hehe.) let's just say it's super-kawaii!!! another celso machado cd (i LOVE him. if you love brazilian music, you must own his music). and then these glasses. they're so fucking awesome. they're wine glasses sans stems. some wine snobs hate them. you know, the whole "your hand temp is going to warm up the wine!!! oh my god!!!!" i am, as steve calls me, a wine snob, but i love these glasses. they were in our room at the prince hotel in melbourne. i'd read about them before and i was interested in them, but i figured we didn't really need them. we have a shitload of wine glasses as it is... but i thought they were really cool.. and they're great for people who don't have a whole lotta room because they double as regular glasses, too...

so yeah... i don't know why he does the shit he does. what a sweetheart, huh? he could've given me chocolate and i would've been happy... i guess i'll just eat some of the chocolate i gave him :P i'm a lucky, lucky girl. next year, i mean it. don't get me anything. except chocolate. :P

valentine's day

i'm not a big fan of v-day. i mean, really... what's the point? i don't want someone treating me nicely because of a hallmark holiday. i want to be treated nicely ALL THE FUCKING TIME. okay. that's not true. it doesn't have to be all the fucking time that they have to do shit for me. every once in a while, little things are nice... like when steve does the dishes for me because he knows i'm tired and stressed out... or he burns me hours of mp3s on a cd so i can listen to it in my car... little things make me happy... believe it or not, i'm not that high maintenance. seriously. i don't know why people think i am.** i don't think it's high maintenance for me to expect treatment in the manner i should be treated... LIKE A PRINCESS. i jest. i'm not a princess. i don't even have my toenails painted! holy shit! heh...

anyway, so when v-day rolls around, we usually do something small... nothing huge... we don't go out for dinner or anything because i hate crowds.... they make me anxious and shit... and i fucking hate those people who walk around with baskets of flowers wanting the man to buy a rose or whatthefuckever... fuck off! we're trying to eat!

we do exchange little gifts... just because. last year i made him a mixed tape. on a TAPE, not a cd. i know. can you believe they still sell tapes? thank god he's got one of those combo tape/cd players in his car. otherwise, he'd never have listened to it...

and i was thinking this year i would write him a poem... like...
roses are red, violets are blue...
i think you're sweet... oh, and i love your cock.

but i can't get it to rhyme. so forget that...

valentine's day is just so stupid and overrated. it's just one more holiday to make people feel bad when they don't have a man or a woman. just when people think that they've gotten through the holidays okay ... and they're starting to get over the trauma and the people asking about their love lives... valentine's day comes around. damn hallmark. damn them and their stupid holidays.

on the other hand, it's a good opportunity to score some chocolate...

**blogger note: there's this guy at my work who drives me insane. he's just a condescending prick. he swears i'm high maintenance and i just blow it off... most of the time... but it's really starting to get on my nerves. he doesn't even have any back up for his claims. he doesn't even really fucking know me. asswipe.

and he swore that he was younger than me. he's maybe about 33. and he's graying fast. and when it was my bday, he wouldn't believe that i was younger than him. WTF????? i look older than him? he could pass for late 30s for sure... and then when i showed him my driver's license, he was kinda quiet, and then he looks at my weight and says, "pffff... 105... yeah, right!"

i was fucking mortified. WHAT A JACKASS. GOD! I HATE HIM!!!!! i mean, WTF????

and he thinks he's so "in the know." his wife is filipino and he's talking to this other guy about, "blah, blah, blah, oh my god, can you believe that guy called so and so and 'oriental?' ha ha ha... blah, blah... she's ASIAN." WHO THE FUCK CARES? and so he's blabbering about this outside my cube and glancing in like wondering if i'm listening in and finally i got so annoyed with the whole thing (because he's bringing up his wife and how she gets all offended when people call her oriental, not asian) i told him something like, "if you really wanna get all nit-picky, your wife's not asian either. she's PACIFIC ISLANDER. not ASIAN."

GOD, i hate that man. fucktard.

uhm... yeah. i don't know where i was going with this post. i'm really tired today...

relief

i was so fucked up after psycho that i still feel it... i can see how fucked up i still am...

i get all apprehensive. i'm afraid that steve's going to be pissed at me. when he's NEVER BEEN PISSED AT ME BEFORE. he gives me absolutely no reason to even think that he'd ever lash out at me. but i'm paranoid, i guess....

and so when he writes me back basically saying, "what're you sorry for? there's no reason to be" i feel so fucking relieved. like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. and i know there's no reason for me to really be sorry... but i was so used to always being blamed for EVERYTHING (like, when... say, the raiders lost a game... or the braves lost a game... LIKE IT FUCKING MATTERED WHETHER OR NOT I WAS WATCHING. JEEZUS CHRIST) that i still feel like everything's my fault... or something catastrophic is going to happen (like ... i dunno... like my ass is gonna get a beatdown)... and i shouldn't ever feel that way because steve would never lay a hand on me. and i KNOW that. but i get paranoid, i guess. and it has nothing to do with steve. it's me. it's all me. and i know it.

and i think about how lucky i am to have found steve... and sometimes, i can't believe it. like i don't deserve him. maybe i don't... maybe i got steve when he was in a lonely place. heh. and i got lucky...

and i get scared and i tell myself, "it's only a matter of time before steve sees you for what you really are... a scared, underconfident, stupid, neurotic bitch... and he's going to leave you... and if you gain 5 lbs, he's going to leave you" but then i remember that those terms don't describe me. well, maybe underconfident and neurotic... but i'm not stupid. and i'm not fat... nor am i ugly... and those are just adjectives psycho used to describe me to put me down... because he was stupid and fat and ugly. and god knows why i even gave him the time of day. maybe because i wasn't confident... and he seemed to exude it. and he was charming. and i was young. maybe i was trying to prove something to myself... that i could just sleep with someone and not get attached. stupid me. that uhm, talent... didn't happen until later. heh.

GOD. i was so dumb. and because of all that shit... sometimes... i think... that all people aren't trustworthy... and steve is still just a man (albeit a perfect one) and he could hurt me and if he were to leave me, i would probably deserve it. as easy as marriage is with him, it's not always easy being married to someone who's perfect. heh. and one day, he's going to see just how very NOT PERFECT i am.

but then i have to shake it off again... i deserve him. i deserve this. i deserve to be treated with respect and love and ... i deserve to have great sex! and not have to fake orgasms, goddamnit!

and why does this shit bother me? i don't know. will it take me forever to get over it? the betrayal and the verbal, emotional, physical abuse... the fear... the hate... just everything. i wish i could just... NEVER think about it. at all. i wish i was over it. it doesn't make me cry anymore. but i still think about it from time to time.

and i am thankful that although steve may never understand, he never tells me to ... just get over it. i don't bring it up very often... but i think it would be easy to just tell me that. it's been years... and steve has helped me to forget a lot of it. but every once in a while, it creeps up. and i want to explode. i blogged that i wouldn't dedicate another post to psycho... i guess i broke a promise to myself.

things i do that annoy even me...

i have my cell phone alarm set to 6:45 every work day. and every day that it goes off, i turn it off and go back to sleep for another 15... 20... sometimes even 30 minutes.

i obsess about everything... and i'm obsessed about it for weeks... and then i never pick it up and do it again. it's not that i don't like it anymore... i'm just... fucking weird, i guess.

i nag. but i like to refer to it as "double-checking." i try really, really hard to keep my mouth shut and NOT ask steve if he's done something... or if he's going to do something. or if he can help me with something. but in the end, the mouth wins... and i want to KICK MYSELF even as the words are coming out of my mouth...

i talk to the movie screen. at least i don't do it in public. but when steve and i are watching a movie, i'll say shit like, "giiiiirrrrrl, don't go in there..." or "I'M SCARED!" (these aren't scary movies, either) or "that BITCH!" or at the end of the movie, "but... but... what happened????" i also cry during movies. a lot. like, i need a freaking box of kleenex next to me.

i talk to myself. all the time. when i'm getting dressed in the morning. when i'm working. i need to stop that. people don't need proof that i'm insane. sheesh.

i don't put shit away. i have piles of books everywhere. i'm finally starting to put my clothes away. i hate putting shit away. when i was in college and i'd dust, i'd pick up my piles of books and papers... and dust underneath... and then put the piles back where they were. why do i do that? would it really be that much more of an effort to just put the shit away? well, in my defense, some of the books i just don't know where to put them... but still... jeez.

i am condescending sometimes. i have a friend that i've had for a long time... and sometimes she calls me ... and wants boy advice... and sometimes i'm just rude. i don't mean to be... but it just comes out. i'm really not trying to be condescending... but it comes out that way. and she's totally called me on it. oops. sorry....

oh. and that reminds me. i'm apologetic. for everything. it's in my nature, i guess. but i learned early on at work that i shouldn't ever apologize at work because once you do, it's automatically your fault. even if it's not. yeah. i learned that the hard way.

i complain about shit and then do nothing about it. i'm working on this one, though...

i'm indecisive. about almost everything. what do i want to eat for dinner? what do i want to do this weekend? what do i want to do about work? I DON'T KNOW! yet, i'm unhappy with whatever the results are. well, not always. but sometimes. maybe? i don't know!

and the list goes on and on, i'm sure. but these are just ones that i'm coming up off the top of my head. FUCK. i'm annoying.

DON'T FORGET!

wish nina a happy birthday today!

happy birfday to you,
happy birfday to you,
happy birfday dear neeeener :)

happy birfday to you :)

last name woes

so, the other day, while driving home, steve told me that it wouldn't bother him at all if i didn't change my last name. he has always said that it wouldn't bother him, but this time, it really sounded like he meant it.

and this is what i was waiting to hear, right?

so why do i feel bad about it now? damn him and his reverse psychology.

bras and underwear

we need to do laundry or something tonight. i'm out of clean underwear. well, that's not really true. i have clean underwear, but none of them match my bras. i might be able to rummage through and find some that match....

i get all weirded out when i don't match my underwear to my bra. i don't know what it is. even though no one else (besides steve and me) will see it, i get all nervous... like i've mismatched my shoes and someone's going to notice... even though no one is going to notice...

i fucking hate when i get like this. i'm so stressed out about work, that every little thing stresses me out. i'm seriously afraid i'm not going to have matching undergarments tomorrow. my stomach feels queasy like i'm forgetting something or ... i dunno. i just don't know.

i finally found my resume. of course, i couldn't find the soft copy, so i had to retype everything. which isn't too big of a deal, but still... i hate redoing shit.

i still can't figure out how to make being everyone's BITCH sound good and fulfilling... like i'm doing something important, even though i'm not.

GOD. just listening to these women cackling behind me makes me want to run over there and pour my hot tea on their faces!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! yeah, i have problems. i really do.

i think some people were just not meant to work. i think i may be one of them. i'm not saying that other people have it better than me or anything like that. and i'm not saying that everyone loves their job. i just think that most people just deal with it better or something maybe because they need to and they accept it and just go on with their lives. i've been getting mild anxiety at night (sunday-thursday) because of work. steve says, "it's just work." and i know it is. and i'm really trying to make an effort to not get stressed out about it. but i can't help it.

and i've been so busy lately. i haven't even been able to really keep up with blogs or blog my own shit. my god, they'd better not start making me blog from home. i want to blog from work! that's the way it should be!

christ, even as i sit here, i'm uneasy. i get that feeling of being completely overwhelmed. my desk at work is a fucking disaster area. the middle of my back is throbbing, it feels like someone's stabbing my shoulders, my lower back aches, my eyes are blurry, my wrists hurt... and it feels like my heart's going to pound out of my chest.

i just want to close my eyes...

but back to bras and underwear... ever since we got the bigger washer/dryer, i find that i get that feeling more often... like i'm going to have to wear a white bra with purple underwear or something... and that shit freaks me out. i have on occasion had to mismatch, but god, i hated it!

i think i need to buy more sets. that'll cure my anxiety... about bras and panties, at least. work's a whole other issue.

wish nina a happy birthday tomorrow!

tomorrow's nina's birthday!

make sure you drop by her blog and wish her a good one tomorrow... 12 hours, 16 minutes and counting... :P

brain fart

so, an old friend emailed me... and i responded... and i was trying to be funny and trying to fucking ask him if he had any kids out of wedlock yet...

and i couldn't figure out how to spell illegitimate.

i am a fairly good speller... usually... but for some unknown reason, i couldn't fucking figure it out... all i know is that i USED to be able to spell it... but for about 10 seconds, i couldn't remember.

i mean, WHAT THE FUCK???? i was like, illi... no... illegita.. no... illegitimite... no...

i fucking felt like banging my head against the wall... but i have flimsy cubicle walls and i would probably knock it down and everyone would be staring... and i hate it when people stare. it fucking makes me crazy. like i need any help with that.

oh, well... at least i can still spell illiterate. oh. and curse words. lots of curse words.

*blogger note: in my defense, though, i was a little caught off guard when he asked me if steve and i were having anal sex. hehe*

not to sound like an ingrate or anything...

but, i had yesterday off. i didn't log in to check my email, didn't check voicemail, NADA. i did nothing but play video games and eat.

yet, instead of feeling rejuvenated ... and motivated... ready to come back here and kick some ass...

i just want to QUIT MY JOB.