crap mood

i've been in a crappy mood yesterday and a little today...

yesterday, i was reading the recovering angry white chick's diary and she has some song lyrics on it. 'my sister' by juliana hatfield. and i realized something awful. this is the first time in 18 years that i have forgotten the anniversary of my sister's death.

and fuck. i just checked my blog to see what it said... and i was bitching at my mom because she couldn't send out an email. fuck, i'm such a bitch.

i hate myself right now... i am the worst person in the world. i deserve to be flogged or something.

i dunno. these last few weeks have been weird for me. i have no grasp of what's going on from day to day. it just flies by. every day i'm shocked, just shocked that it's that day.. for instance, i can't believe it's the end of august. and a couple of weeks ago, i couldn't believe that it was already august... etc...

so, the feelings of self-loathing coupled with the return of my neck pain... yeah, i'm in a foul mood today.