so... i have no title for this... because... well, this post is going to suck.

as i'm busy freaking out on people, my dad sends me an email. at the very bottom, it says:

PS... sorry for making you feel bad yesterday about the blood types for your aunt. your poor aunt. she can't contact dan and lonna [those are her kids]. she will not die right now, but i don't think she'll live long. i wanted to find her blood to show her that her family loves her. however, she decided to take the blood from the blood bank, so we don't have to donate our blood to her. we will go visit her this weekend. i'm sorry that i bother you so often.

okay. i'm officially a fucking asshole. yesterday, he called me and i was really busy. he kept on asking me what my blood type was, steve's blood type, our cousin's ben's blood type... i only knew mine. A+. i don't know anyone else's. and i told him that and said i had to go.... i didn't even ask him why.

what the fuck is wrong with me? it never even crossed my damned mind that someone might need the blood... why do i even care about work? fuck. i need to take some time to prioritize my life. i hate work, but i'm blindly devoted to it. what the fuck is wrong with me???

you know, my aunt can't catch a fucking break. 5 years ago, her husband died in a car accident. 3 years later, her son dies (joe), afterwards, she finds love and gets remarried, only to have her other children stop talking to her because of it... she has no one. and i was hoping that she could at least be happy with her new family... and now she doesn't even have her health?

she's a good woman. a christian woman. she doesn't deserve this. how can one woman suffer so much loss and still be a devout christian? i don't know. i lost my faith a long time ago. i think i had it bad because i lost my sister, my grandma, my grandpa, my favorite uncle, my favorite cousin... how much worse to lose your mother, your father, your husband, your son... and your other 2 children, as well? i think that the loss of the other 2 children must've hurt more than any other.... they chose to hate her and put her out of their lives. although, i don't really blame lonna. dan's rather manipulative... and much older than she is... i feel sorry for her..... i emailed her. i really hope she calls me... i hope dan's not reading her email. i hope she calls me...

at any rate, i would say pray for her, but i don't think that's going to help.