why i make a bad call girl

last night i drove out to see steve. i was pretty irritable because i hit traffic on the 91E. i know there's supposedly always traffic on it... but it was 7:30. jeezus people. go home! or go home earlier! what the hell is wrong with these people? there are so many fucking people on the road... and then it would clear up for 2 minutes and then start again. why? where are you people fucking going???? why do you live out in bumblefuck? get a job out in bumblefuck. holy...

either that or there were a shitload of people going out for a booty call. who knows.

at any rate, here are a few reasons why i make a bad call girl...

1. i don't do sexy. i really tried. i had my hair done like a porn star, my shiny lipstick on, i even had lingerie on under the coat i was wearing... high ass heels... but i got there and all i could think about was food... "i'm hungry." steve raises his eyebrows... and i say, "no. for food." talk about a mood killer.

2. i can't watch porn without a "wtf" look on my face. there was this show on. it wasn't really porn. it was called ... wait for it... "pornucopia"... kind of a documentary about porn, if you will. it was kind interesting and entertaining. in case you're wondering, we weren't watching it to make us hot and horny. it was just on. also, how can you not watch a show called pornucopia????

3. i don't take money. steve offered to give me gas money and i turned him down. what the fuck? i'd never make any money...

4. i'd always be late. not because i'm primping, but because i'd get lost. i had the easiest directions ever yesterday and i missed my exit to the 215. the 91 TURNS INTO the 215 for chrissakes. in my defense, there were quite a few cars there. i was in the fast lane and i needed to be all the way to the right to exit 215S. i ended up on 215N. i had to exit and turn around. what a pain in the ass.

5. i can't stay looking "sexy" for more than 15 minutes. after 15 minutes, i just want to take off my shoes, put my hair up in a ponytail and eat pizza.

yeah... HEY. i found one thing that i like about steve's beard. uhm, 'nuff said.

this morning, driving back on the 91W was pretty scary. all these people that drive it every day... damn, they're just taking their lives in their hands! it's only a matter of time before you get into an accident. seriously. i only saw one today, but i could see how there would be quite a few every day.

just too many cars... and jesus forbid i should leave half a car length between me and the car in front of me! any car in the next lane over would start pushing their way in. why? what's the fucking point? and every time that would happen, my lane would completely stop. that's what they get, assholes.

and what's with the slamming of the brakes? they get a few hundred feet and they gun it... WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY'RE GOING TO GO? and then they'd just SLAM on their brakes. i'd try not to follow them too closely, and then the car behind me would start tailgating me so i'd try to maintain some distance in front and in back of me... and as soon as i did that, another car would squeeeeze in there. fuck. i knew i should've driven home last night.

the only thing i miss about a morning commute is the music i'd listen to. last night and this morning, i was listening to deck safari. (by air) i was listening to it this morning and i was thinking, god, it's so fucking eclectic. on the link it says it's a 2 cd set, but my mp3 said there were 4 parts. so i dunno. i was thinking it was like their ultimate mix tape or something. but, i guess these songs were all part of their personal cd collection and these songs all inspired their album, moon safari, which is my favorite album of theirs.

at any rate, some of the songs are full songs, others are just parts of songs, like when you watch those commercials for cd collections and they play bits of songs. it was kinda like that. at any rate, if you love air, you will probably love this cd.

man, i'm TIRED. i didn't sleep well last night... maybe because i wasn't used to the bed or the pillow. and i kept on kicking steve. so i guess he didn't sleep well either. :( oops. i woke up at least 2 times when i heard him say, "ow!" sorry, baby :(

and i'm the worst bunny momma ever :( i got home, got her breakfast out (parsley, cilantro, lettuce, kale, carrots, celery... damn, she's spoiled) ... and i went to the sliding door like always. i opened the door, and she ran towards me. i opened the screen door and she jumped over the wooden board we keep there. that thing has got to be like 2 feet high. she was so freaked out :( and she was spazzing out all over the place. i had to pet her for half an hour before she was calm again. and then i put her back out so she could eat her breakfast and instead of devouring it like she normally does, she was eating it slowly and then she'd come back to the door... and just look at me like, "mommy :( why did you leave me? :(" it was so sad.

guess we can't leave her home alone anymore. needy little brat.


Blogger American Blogger said...

LOL. I don't know where anyone got the idea that dressing like a whore makes one look sexy :) Now, if you had dressed like a school girl or librarian... hehe.

9:16 AM  
Blogger grace said...

yeah, well, steve didn't hate it..... like he'd tell me if he did :P

so there! :P

10:31 AM  
Blogger giest said...

Told you beards were good... he he he.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

driving on the 91 is freaking scary. then again, so is the 57, 22, 5, etc.

so you're giving the beard another chance? ;)

11:32 AM  
Blogger grace said...

LE, i wouldn't go quite THAT far.

12:11 PM  
Blogger J. said...

I totally understand your driving frustrations. Believe me. I used to commute from Fallbrook to Aliso Viejo ... no traffic=1 hour. Traffic? Only God knows how long.

Would Steve totally be pissed if you shaved his face while he slept? Huh. Maybe not a good move. :P

12:23 PM  
Blogger Cece said...

I TOLD you the beard is HOT. Roy and I watched a bit of Pornucopia the other night and it made me horny. I got horny watching a documentary about the Bunny Ranch too. And you already know how I like anime porn. I may snicker about it but I'm secretly getting turned on.
Dang, I'm sick.

1:37 PM  
Blogger grace said...

j: i can't trust myself with a razor on my own leg. there's no way i'm shaving him when he's asleep. also, he's a really light sleeper. he'd wake up before i got anywhere near his face. it's unfortunate but true.

c: you are just a horndog. keep on eating that chocolate :) it only helps your ailments :D woohoo!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Quyen said...

"i'm hungry." "no. for food."

I'm going to be laughing about that all day... I could just picture you saying that too LOL

Poor bunny! My cat used to wait for me looking out the window all day until I got home. :(

1:59 PM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

grace, you don't need to shave the whole beard off. just shave off a big chunk while he sleeps. i'm sure he'll shave the rest off just to even it out. heehee.

2:38 PM  
Blogger grace said...

LE: you're evil. i will not succumb to the temptation.

3:00 PM  
Blogger julia said...

i'd go with LE's idea.. he's not going to leave a bald spot if you shave off a chunk.. :P

last week i walked into my parent's house and freakin' pornucopia was playing on the screen. i swear my parents are trying to give me a heart attack.

eek.. happy thoughts.. think happy thoughts..

3:05 PM  
Blogger Kis Lee said...

julia: that's horrrrrrible. eek!!

yep, i am evil. bwahahahahaha!

3:24 PM  

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