speaking of stupid neighbors...

jules' comment on my last post reminded me of the crazy lady that lives by us...

we live in condos... so if you try (or sometimes if you're not trying very hard at all) you can see into your neighbor's home.

there's this lady that lives by us who is kinda crazy. (the cops and firemen have been called a few times now to break into her home and make sure she was still alive after an apparent pill and/or alcohol binge.) anyway, she used to have this little yippy ankle-biter dog.

when i first moved in with steve, my friend (actually an ex-boyfriend) was helping me move in. well, we're not really friends anymore. we just drifted apart, i guess. at any rate, i had been moving in little by little, but i needed help with my fridge. so, tony helped steve and me move the fridge over. he was standing outside by the u-haul when the little yippy dog (who was being walked by crazy lady's daughter) walked by... and bit tony... a little above the ankle.

tony (who is a very, very nice guy, by the way) says (in his nice guy voice), "excuse me, your dog just bit me..."

the girl (who might've been about 12 at the time) just starts walking faster with the dog to her mom's. tony starts walking after the girl, "excuse me... excuse me... your dog just bit me."

she continues to ignore him. and walks up the steps and shuts the door. tony's a tad annoyed by this point. he goes up the stairs and starts knocking on the door. maybe it was borderline pounding. and he doesn't really stop knocking for a while. FINALLY, the crazy lady comes out and is waving her hot cigarette in his face and is asking him why he's making such a big deal.

tony (in nice guy mode again): your dog bit me..... and i just wanted to see some record that he's gotten all his shots
crazy lady (waving hot cigarette): he's gotten all his shots, okay?
tony: well... i would like to see some records to make sure...
cl (in shrill voice): i said he's gotten all his shots! *slams her front door*

tony begins banging on the front door again. CL opens the door, "STOP INTIMDATING ME!" mind you, tony's got on a muppets t-shirt. a fucking muppets t-shirt. he's the least intimidating guy EVER. and then she starts freaking out and screaming and telling him she's calling the cops. so tony calls the cops, too. they find out from tony what happens and then they go to the lady's house. they go in there, shut the door, and stay inside for at least 30-40 minutes.... i'm not even shitting you. what the fuck does that lady have to say for that long? to this day, i'm fucking convinced that she was giving them warm cookies, milk and a blow job.

SO... (that was the background to the reason why i was writing this post).... the cop comes back to our place. wants to speak to the people who live at our home. steve and i go outside with the cop. and he goes on to tell us how we need to be careful of what we're watching at our home because the daughter can see inside and she saw porn on the wall. (we had a projector in our bedroom for a while.)


so i'm completely flabbergasted at this point... i couldn't even think straight. i stammered, "uhm... maybe they were like R-rated or something... but it wasn't porn..." he wasn't buying it.

but even if it WAS porn, i mean, first of all, why's her fucking 12 year old staring into our home? if we're watching a movie (porn or not), we shut the fucking blinds! you have to really be trying to look inside to see anything. second, it's our fucking home. we can watch whatever the FUCK we wanna watch in our fucking home. christ! nosey little fucking pre-teen whore! jeezus.

so, yeah... the cops had to tell us to stop watching porn. in front of my ex-boyfriend and my cousins. and that sucked. i mean, it was already awkward for him to say that in front of my ex, but in front of my cousins? yeah... good times.


Blogger Jeremy said...

Hah-- your blog definately has plenty of engaging stories Grace. Gotta love that.

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heres what you do if a nosey neighbor that doesnt mind their own business and you have a projector as you said you two had for a while. You simply wait until the right time of day when you know your neighbor is home and project a picture of your neighbor sleeping safely in their bed while at the same time giving them that all famous "im going to fucking KILL you" glare. Presto, you have a new neighbor.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

You're beginning to make me believe I fall under the stupid neighbor category! haha I really don't, though! :o)

I didn't make a big deal about my neighbors until I got fed up with their constant fighting.

I would probably just pop some popcorn if the neighbor was watching porn I could see from my house. LOL Okay maybe not!

3:56 PM  
Blogger grace said...

v: hahaha. no, you're not a crazy neighbor. don't get all paranoid now! :P

4:07 PM  
Blogger J. said...

Oh no! *puff, puff* *waving my ciggy* That's YOU? You live right next to me??

(yelling) Samantha, can you take ankle biter for his walk now? He needs to pee on the neighbor's doorstep again!! (wiping trailer trash hand through unwashed, greasy hair)

4:43 PM  
Blogger cat said...

Grace you crack me up! Thank you!

5:34 PM  
Blogger Mel Mega said...

I soooo needed a good laugh today! That is too funny! "Ike and Tina" used to live in my building and they were so entertaining! We could hear them get drunk, have sex, fight and break things and then have sex again! Free entertainment!

9:18 PM  
Blogger Anon said...

Oh God how rude!
I would have said, "well did you tell her to quit fucking stalking me?!" jeez! I agree with the comment on projecting their picture. I would have done that.

5:40 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Nina and I used to have a stripper as a next door neighbor. She kept getting new loser boyfriends, each one worse than the last. When they would start fighting Nina would sit on the couch while I held a glass between my ear and the wall, telling her everything that was going on.

"He's blaming her because he doesn't have a job. OH she called him a fag. He's crying! What a pussy. I love this. These kids are total amateurs at fighting."

Nina would sit there riveted. I love having the privacy of a house, but I do miss the fights.

7:24 AM  

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