i'm never going to get home at this rate

i'm still at work. it's ... not early.

and i'm pissed. (surprise, surprise!) and the longer i stay here, the more pissed i get.

i love my boss. i think he's great. i got really lucky when i ended up working for him. however, in my job, at month-end, i'm always on call. if i'm in the country, i'm working.

next week is the last full week of the month. which means, i should be here on call. and typically, i do end up working on most holidays and such. new years' eve is the last day of the month, thanksgiving and christmas are both close enough to month end where i should be working...

and whenever i need a day off for something (like yesterday) he will usually give it to me, no problem... even when i do have a lot of shit to get done....

however, i requested for 3 vacation days next week. and i told him when i requested the vacation time way back when, that i was going to be leaving the country. and he approved the vacation. i reminded him today again that i wasn't going to be here and he freaked out a little bit. then he said he was joking, but i know he wasn't... i've known him now for 4 years... he definitely wasn't joking.

what the fuck??? why am i the one who always has to work on holidays and shit? no one else is working! even if i'm working, i can't get that much done... because i need other people to do their shit! and if they're not there, it won't get done ANYWAY! goddamn! being a peon just fucking SUCKS! oh, and the worst part is... on weekends, holidays, whenever... if someone i need isn't working, i have to stalk them... track them down until i get a hold of them. and then i'm automatically the bad guy...

i don't want to spend 5 whole vacation days on vacation when i can only spend 3 because of the thanksgiving holiday! also, the only time i'm ever really on vacation is when we leave the fucking country! if i'm in the country, i'm on call. they gave me a wireless sprint card so, even if i'm not at a hotel or someone's home, i can access the internet to work. i can work in the fucking car when steve's driving, even. how fucked up is that???

you know, just because i'm a hard worker (don't laugh! it's true. i know i blog a lot! but i get a shitload of work done) doesn't mean that i fucking WANT to work. it means that i have a strong work ethic! (stop fucking laughing!) i don't leave shit undone. if someone asks me to do something and i can, i will help them. because when i need help, i expect that favor to be returned and it usually is.

i know i should just fucking suck it up and do something about it. either just quit my bitching or actually update my resume and apply for a job elsewhere... but it's just... argh. i mean, what if they reject me? or what if i apply for a job and get it, but it ends up being worse???? or what if i get a really horrible boss? and then that resume!!! how do i make "being a peon" sound like i've accomplished something? *sigh* i don't know what to do...

and then it all comes back to that having kids thing. i can stay home if i have kids. now i want to cry....

you know, some people tell me, "oh, i don't know what i would do if i stopped working! i'd probably still work just because!!! even if i didn't need the money!!!!" jeezus christ. there is just so much i could do if i didn't work!!! i think they need to implement 4x10 work days instead of the 5x8 we've got going on right now. i would be so happy even if it was a wednesday i got off... that would be sweet.

i just want to read and cook and play video games and watch movies and listen to music and clean my home and do the laundry and wash the dishes. i'm tired of living in squalor because i don't have time to do shit. fuck, steve is probably only happy when people come over because that's almost the only time i clean! and i like to live in a clean home, i really do. but when i'm tired because i've been at work for more than 12 hours... it just gets pretty hard to keep everything tidy.

that's fucking I T. after the holidays are over, i'm updating my resume. goddamned holidays don't give me enough time to work on the stupid thing... and since i'm in front of a screen all day long, i definitely don't wanna get on after work to do it. i think that since they're making me suffer, they should be paying me to update my resume :P

i hate to say it, but maybe my mom was right. maybe i should've become a nurse instead. they've got those 3 or 4 day work weeks. and you get paid OVERTIME. when i first got my job, i asked them if i could be hourly instead of salary. the HR lady actually laughed at me before she told me, "uhm, no." i should've taken that as a warning....

oh, fuck. back to work for me. no more breaks... i gotta get home...