why do my ex-boyfriends hate me?

it's not MY fault they wanted to get married ... when i was between the ages of 17-21.

i always thought we broke up on good terms or it was his damn fault... but they hate me. eh, fuck them.

as far as i'm concerned only 2 of them have a right to hate me. i would like to apologize to them, but i think that i want to apologize for selfish reasons. it wouldn't make them feel better... just me. and i'm the only person who matters! me! me! me!

G
he was a nice guy. he was there to pick up all my pieces after i left Psycho. he let me stay with him because i had nowhere to go, he listened to me cry and have complete breakdowns. he cooked for me, he bought me cool books. but, he was also 36 when i was 21 (maybe i was 22) and i was a fucked up mess.

he also fell in love with me when i specifically told him we were supposed to be (fuck)friends and (fuck)friends only. i know this because he got drunk and he tried to wake me up to tell me he loved me. i pretended i was still asleep. he still told me. idiot.

and then he got all jealous one time and i had to stop talking to him because of it. he thought it was because jules didn't like him. that may have had a (very) little bit to do with it. but, it was mostly because he couldn't control his emotions.

he did have a very cute irish accent. and cute irish friends. who, by the way, were the worst friends ever. they were always slipping me their business cards and telling me, "let's not tell our boy, G, about this."

after i told him i never wanted to see him or speak to him ever again, he kept on calling me. it was sad. almost desperate. which made me hate him more. at any rate, i ended the relationship in a way that was rude and he didn't deserve that.

J
also a very nice guy. i cheated on him with my ex-boyfriend. apparently, J was just a rebound for me... but what the fuck did i know? i was 18 or 19 or something like that. i really thought i liked him. until the ex came back around and i realized that i didn't really like J, after all.

that was a very messy breakup. also, i think J ended up hating my ex... who coincidentally, is the only ex who will have anything to do with me. i would use his initial, but it is also J. which makes it confusing.

also, J had a cock the size of a baby carrot. hard. i shit you not. whoever said size doesn't matter is a lying son of a whore jackass. funny because his nickname in high school was the italian stallion. i'm not sure how that's possible. false advertising, i tell you.

also, we were both each other's second person we ever had sex with. neither one of us knew wtf we were doing.

i literally cried after xmas break when i had to go to his place because i just didn't want to see him. that's so wrong. so much could've been avoided if i just told him he was a rebound. it's too bad i didn't know it until it was too late. what an idiot i was. (and still am, on occasion.)

at any rate, i'd like to apologize to both G and J. if i could, i'd tell them:

i didn't mean to hurt your feelings and i certainly didn't mean to be such a bitch to you. i just didn't know any better. i'm so sorry for being so ignorant and insensitive. i hope you can forgive me for being young and stupid.

and all my other ex-boyfriends can go fuck themselves. except for jonny because he's still my friend. even though we have a history together and things weren't always friendly between us, i'm glad we finally got past all that and we can just be cool now. and i'm happy that he got himself a girlfriend who treats him well. and he's glad that steve took one for the team and saved men all over the world from my high-heeled heart stomping.

(this post is dedicated to steve, for loving me despite my fuckedupedness and stupidity.)